Mollena Williams

January 29, 2009

Jane’s Guide!! Ooo ooo, yay!!

Filed under: Jane's Guide,News.,Real-Honest-To-Ganesha-True-Shit. — Mollena Williams @ 12:03 pm

 

original-qualityThe Perverted Negress

You know you’re in for a witty treat of a writer when there is a line that involves the term “Jacks-off Pollock.” It only gets better from there. Mollena is the Perverted Negress, and her blog is a delightful mix of news, the occasional review of a sex toy/sexuality item, pictures of her lovely self, and thoughts about sex, BDSM, and more. Also on her site are a great blogroll, a biography, an attention whoring alert level key, and a way to contact her. Updated almost daily, this site seems to be filled with much amusement, deep thoughts, wit, and sexy pictures; everything you’d want and expect from a kinky sex blog. - EssinEm

Half-Masked HNT.

Filed under: hnt — Mollena Williams @ 1:35 am

Half-Mask. Half-Nekkid.

DIY Masochism [Or: "Ow!! #@%$^!!!"]

Filed under: Perversions.,Real-Honest-To-Ganesha-True-Shit. — Mollena Williams @ 12:36 am

The other day I was at my desk at work, grimacing over the hundreds upon hundreds of photographs of our member’s members when I decided I needed a fucking break.

I stood up and was about to push my chair back when, by the Holy Sweet trompibulating trunk of my Dear Lord Ganesha I smacked the FUCK out of my hamstring.

It hurt VERY. BADLY.

 

Many profanities were uttered.

 

My co-workers are accustomed to this sort of outburst, for various reasons. It can be something as simple as, say, watching a Member Cam Show featuring  the particularly imaginative use of a big ass can of Foster’s Lager.penis-bun

Look Ma! No hands!

It often is a particularly gruesome photo of a fellow pervert’s genitalia in some particularly unflattering configuration.

We get ‘em all folks. 

But alas, no. It wasn’t a clever rogue with a photo of his penis in a hot dog bun. 

 

It was me, hurting myself. Again.

 

When I was a kid I was very clumsy. It wasn’t discovered until I started school, that this was mostly a by-product of severe Myopia and slight Astigmatism. My running into walls and falling off of curbs was curbed thereafter, but I was always a bit gangly.

Later years were plagued by similar clumsiness, but more often than not it was due to ethanol intoxication.

Been a little while since I’ve had that be a problem, and I pray every day to remain in this cleared-headed state.

But as I ruefully rubbed the insulted ankle, and did deep breathing and such in order to focus on dissipating and “processing” the pain, I though about the correlation I’ve often noticed between kinky play and self-inflicted injury.

When in a BDSM relationship, I notice the incidence of self-inflicted injury precipitously drops in the afterglow of a good hard thrashing butt whomping  play-date.  Have you noticed this yourself, my dear fellow Masochists?  Or am I, again, the Lone Freak?

Sometimes weeks would go by then it would start again. I’d be in rehearsal, and within a 4 hour period I would poke myself with a pencil, stumble over a chair, run into a prop, drop a pig-skull on my foot*.

 

It got so that my non-kink-identified friends would be all “Jesus Mo. Go get your ass beaten. Really. This is ridiculous.”

 

And sure enough, if I did what I could to fulfil that gnawing, I’d be accident free for a stretch again.

 

Nowadays, I am not attached, so the play is…well.

 

Infrequent?

 

Yes.

 

And the bumps, she small scrapes, the nail caught on flesh that leaves welts….they do their best to remind this body that we are alive and in this body.

 

It doesn’t replace the crack hiss and sting of a whip thrown at the speed of sound, or a needle silent whisper through skin.

 

Not by a long shot.

 

But I guess that’s what we’ve got for now ;-)

 

 

 

*yes, a real pig skull.

January 27, 2009

Performance. Anxiety.

Filed under: Perversions.,Real-Honest-To-Ganesha-True-Shit. — Mollena Williams @ 4:36 pm

“How can I compete with a class where someone gets a fucking BLOWJOB from a PORNSTAR?!?!”

This is my agony today. Lame? Maybe.  Weird? Certainly.  Self-precipitated?  Definitely. But nonetheless.

Next Up....

Where will (The Royal) We be next...?

See, as a kink educator, I have the unique opportunity to share my experience with other perverts. I think that is a singular honor, one  I don’t take lightly, and one I am always amazed is extended to me.

But, like anything else, it has its pitfalls.  No matter how many times I may think “This isn’t a competition, I’m there because I have something positive to share, and I’ll do my best and it will be great!”  I can’t avoid that second-guessing voice that nags away.  “Oh hey, you’re just standing around…talking. Huh. That’s…nice. But see,  THAT class has naked girls being beaten…THAT one has 62 people simultaneously having Tantric orgasms….THAT one has loud and sexy whip cracking…”

If you have ever been to a kink event, you know what a sensory overload it can be. No matter your experience level, it is a great deal to take in. If you HAVEN’T been to a leather event, imagine a Trade Show / Street Fair / Lecture Series / Circus …with Leather and Sex and Fuck and Perversion dripping oozing cavorting burning and screaming all around you for. Three. Days. Straight.

Don’t get me wrong. Please. This is NOT A BAD THING. It is indeed an excellent thing.

I’ll be fine. These are my tribe, after all. I agonized for a long time before I decided to cross into real-time with BDSM. I agonized again when i decided to go totally public as someone involved in the Leather community. o this day,I struggle with being a woman, submissive, and Black. The shit ain’t easy. But if I don’t find a switchback strength in it, I’d leave hold of the path and settle into familiar tracks.

The risk, the strangeness, the thrill and yes, the discomfort and uncertainty, all of those things make it worth it.

Even if, sometimes, you get drowned out by a vigorous fist-fucking in the next room.

January 24, 2009

Origins, Part II: Caught.

Filed under: Origin Stories,Perversions.,Real-Honest-To-Ganesha-True-Shit. — Mollena Williams @ 1:00 am

Continuation from ORIGINS:Falling

Caught.

I made it about two steps out of the bathroom when I felt a hand around my neck, pulling me into the bedroom slamming me up against the wall. I blinked. The door to the bedroom, kicked shut, cut off the light from the sitting room. My eyes had hardly adjusted from the brightness of the bathroom when I felt teeth on my neck and hands pulling my clothes off. I willed my hands to move against him, to stop this. He was being rough. Fingers pulling on my clothes and there goes a button and why am I letting him do this? I should say no. I should stop him. Lifted from the floor and thrown to the bed where the rest of my clothes were unceremoniously removed, I try to think clearly. What was he doing? Why don’t I stop him? Why can’t I stop him? Is this what I want? Shouldn’t he ask first? His hand again around my neck I gasped for air, and even as I thrashed about, in the dim light from the lamps outside the bedroom I saw him smile and his hand tightened. Kissing me, feeding me air as he controlled how much I could breathe. Pulled over by the hair, his belt now around my neck as his fingers enter me and I cry aloud the flesh of my shoulder caught between his teeth and he growls. My face pushed into the pillow slaps to my ass making me writhe furiously as he tells me what a gorgeous bitch I am, and didn’t I want him to fuck me and now he wanted me to beg for it and if I didn’t he would stop…and even as the rational reasoned voice in my head rebelled and kicked and shouted for this craziness to end, my mouth opened to whisper, quietly “please, please don’t stop…fuck me please I beg you…please don’t ever stop…”

I was properly cowed and blown away but not enough to forget to procure protection…I asked him if he had any and hid demeanor shifted to a sheepish grin that fiercely drew me within its crooked slipstream. “Ah love, didn’t really expect to need any…” I, of course, absolutely DID expect so. Prayed so, and so, I gestured to my purse on the other side of the bedroom. He shoved me back down on the bed with that divine smile and grabbed my bag and the vital cargo within.

I wish I could say it was smooth sailing and an insane transcendent moment, the first fuck, but it wasn’t.

The truth is, that fucking rubber was not in the mood to fit comfortably on his …rather substantial cock.

This was fucking unbelievable. We managed to get one most of the way on, then all the way on with substantial negotiation.

I was amused and frustrated while he was bemused and irritated and therefore determined to fuck the smile off of my face…

Later, lying dazed on the bed I turn over to watch as he went, naked, to fetch his cigarettes from the sitting room. Three seconds later he bounded back in giggling. “Van and the girl are still out there! Hand me that robe, will you love?”
I about died. “You mean to say they were there the whole time?!?!?” I hid under the blankets.

I sorted though this.

Here I was in a hotel room with a near-stranger, a man who’d practically sexually assaulted me. And I liked it. Begged for it, in fact. And now I find out that Van Morrison, a fucking MUSICAL. LEGEND. Had sat in the next room with a gal who was the younger sister of the lead singer of the Pogues and the both of them had, without a doubt, heard me begging to be fucked harder.

Yeah, OK, that was about right.

Eventually he threw on a bathrobe and went to chill with Van and Siobhan in the living room. I lay in the soft light and warm breezes that poured in from the windows and taxed my heart, already pared naked. Despite the turmoil and unbelievably unbelievable nature of the moment, I knew one thing for certain.

We were going to have to have some roomier prophylactics.

A few minutes later…or perhaps hours…?…he came bounding back in the room and asked me if I could spare a few of the other condoms.

I was leery.

“What are you guys doing out there? Making fucking balloon animals?” he whispered conspiratorially that Van was in need of a few, in case he happened to get lucky. Being helpful, I tossed the whole box at his head. “Take ‘em. They ain’t fitting on your cock. Perhaps they’ll work or him. And be certain to tell him the reason I gave them all up.” He smiled wickedly, walked back over to the bed, grabbed a handful of braids, and terrorized me with his mouth again.

I refused to re-join the party.

I was too mortified.

It was a Strange Night.

The next morning I woke before he did, took a shower, picked up his laundry from the concierge. I noticed that he smoked hand-rolled, but had stolen several of my Camel’s in favour of his own, so I got him Camels and coffee, and croissants for breakfast, drew him a bath and woke him. He was difficult to extricate from myself and from the bed and I felt compelled to push him away and be responsible and get him to the lobby for the limos to the venue for sound check. When he smiled at my efforts, I felt as though I had discovered the very source of the purest fucking happiness and that I’d do anything, anything at all, to see him smile for me.

Weird.

It was weird and dangerous. And I was already terrified and counting the days he was in Los Angeles. I couldn’t bear the thought of him leaving. I was panicking every moment I wasn’t in his presence and knew that in 7 days he would leave me to travel north to San Francisco.

I was broke as fuck, driving a 17 year old car and brinking closer to insane irresponsibility already by taking this week off of work. But none of that mattered. Not at all. All that mattered was his hand on my flesh and the headlong rush and expansive peace I felt when he pulled me so roughly to him and bit my throat, groaning as though it hurt him as much as it hurt me while the breath whistled through my clenched teeth, my cunt nothing but wet wet wet as I desperately wondered how I would live my life ever after this unlikely twisted troubadour of a Prince Harming left my country to return to his home. And to his girlfriend.

…To Be Continued…

Copyright © 1996-2008, Mollena L. Williams. All rights reserved. This material is proprietary to Mollena L. Williams, protected under national copyright laws and international copyright treaties, and cannot be reproduced or redistributed other than for personal use. Mollena L. Williams reserves the right to bring legal action for copyright infringement for any unauthorized use. Copyright infringement is also a criminal offense. I am fucking serious. And of top of all that shit, I’ll hex you so bad, you won’t be able to shit straight for the balance of your miserable life. For reealz.

January 22, 2009

HNT: Cupcake (& cheesecake) with a few helping hands…

Filed under: hnt — Mollena Williams @ 12:25 am

There is enough for everyone, ladies....

 

I was fortunate enough to spend the waning days of the Bush epoch fail in my hometown. It was even MORE fortunate that I was able to meet some of my new friends, as well as old friends. And the cherry on top was that Rachel Kramer-Bussell’s shindig In The Flesh was catered with awesome cupcakes (hilariously, just flown in from…wait for it…San Francisco!) and Stacie Joy was the photodocumentarian.

She is fucking amazing.

As you can see, even a casual shot from her lens fucking rocks the mike. Check out her Flickr stream and be all excited!

love

Mo

I am just back from NYC and DC, so I am a bit behind on my writings. But in the meantime, please do enjoy this tasty snack. I know I did.

January 14, 2009

HNT: Guns and Tits. America. Fuck Yeah.

Filed under: hnt,Real-Honest-To-Ganesha-True-Shit. — Mollena Williams @ 7:26 pm

Bonus points if you know the guns.

I had to to crop out awesome babe-from-whom-I-have-explicit-permission-to-repost since I couldn’t locate my other friend in time. SO, pay no attention to the fabulous tatas framing me, my amazing toy and my Weave-Of-Myth-And-Wonder.

Bonus points if you know the guns

Points taken off if you looked at the guns first!

January 12, 2009

digging. uncut.

Filed under: Going's On.,Real-Honest-To-Ganesha-True-Shit. — Mollena Williams @ 11:39 pm
I have too many.
 
Identities. I do not even feel compelled to list them all lest they take on the glib slickness I am striving to escape even now.
 
I do not want to be looked at.
 
I need to be seen.
 
And using attitude as costuming, my history as the stage, this blog as the lights, and my defenses at the makeup might make for a great show.
 
hold for applause
But when the paint comes off and the smoke clears out and the house is dark, all I am left with is the ghost light that bear-baits fear.
 
Fear of being alone. Fear that I have / am  forgotten. Fear that I have no fucking idea what the hell I am talking about.
 
I am single, right? I have had that check mark ticked on my profiles for a while now.  No, I do not know what tomorrow holds and, sure! Yeah! The love of my life could even now be 45 hours away from walking into me on the corner of Mission and 3rd. Or it could be I don’t met them until I’m 45.
 
The point is, I don’t know.
 
And with that I am, usually, content.
 
But the body I’m inhabiting at present has its own ideas. It roams hungry. It wants to be touched, fed, opened. It wants all manner of lotions, unguents, tiny curved pieces of silicone to help its failed attempts at vision. Barring that, it insists on a rig of plastic and hinges to sit on its face so that it wont run into shit or fall down. It wants pizza too, but can’t digest it, so then it insists on pills to assist in that process. It wants to be somewhere else. It wants to hide. It needs to be touched. Sometimes very roughly. Sometimes so cruelly that it wonders why it is in this situation again, please..?  For a long time it wanted to stop feeling so deeply. It enjoyed, then wanted, then craved, then needed, than was addicted to, alcohol which was for a time, highly effective at suffocating the emotional stomata that choked on bottle after bottle of whiskey.
 
Then it decided it wanted to live. and a curious thing happened. it stopped wanting destructing, oblivion, a dissolution. It stopped feeling the need to erase.
And today it wants, most of all, to never ever be so adrift that nothingness feels like a viable option ever ever ever again.
 
And so we have turned from that.
 
That path is a haze distant illusion that is illusory in its distance because it is the parallel ghost road that isn’t far no not fucking bloody far at all my friend. “You take the high road and I’ll take the low road,”  grinds my addiction, slavering and starved with jaws all the more terrifying because they have  been denied “…take the high road and I’ll skulk this low road and if you ever ever decide to come back down here we can walk again no problemo no problem I’ll wait if you decide to come on down…”
 
But I do not.
 
So much of what I want is shifting in the bumps of this journey. Packing crates of lust desire and perversion collide against delicious sick fucked up reality even more fucked up that fantasy for its meat solidity.
 
But it fades.  All desires.  All desires fade. That is what they do. Entropy Sucks.
 
I look at a former play partner and a tiny shock reverberates and I am confounded because it isn’t longing it isn’t wistfulness it isn’t remorse it is amazement at what WAS. That which has gone on before. Shit I thought I’d always have and always want is now in a new limbo.
 
I look at a potential play partner and I think “Why?”
 
Right at this moment the idea of someone hitting me sends my mind calmly to a soft dark place where a stiletto looms before me handle toward my hand cold and ready to sink silently into the throat of anyone fucking dumb enough to touch me. Stepping razor. Don’t you watch my size…I’m dangerous. 
 
But isn’t that what we need?  Don’t we need that anymore?
 
I don’t know.
 
I don’t know.
 
And that empty questioning might be all manner of Zen but it is a cold ringing chime that doesn’t really comfort me much.
 
Not at all, really.
 
Because In order to see if that is what I need, I need to have before me solid and breathing  the person for whom receiving that deeply is natural. effortless. unfettered.
 
And that, I fear, is a fever dream.
 

January 11, 2009

The new “WHO’S YOUR DADDY?” poll is up!

Filed under: hilarity,WHO'S YOUR DADDY?? — Mollena Williams @ 4:51 pm

!DO001HG

We all do it. Fantasize about celebrities, historical figures, the hot Pizza Delivery Guy…wonder what it would be like to engage in hot nasty horizontal mambo, vertical sweaty shenanigans, and hardcore SM DP gang-bangs, where you are plundered and used by hot ruthless tops with unflagging, demented sexual appetites.

Maybe that lat one is just me…

  You can leave your tie on...One of my favourite ongoing games is hypothesizing on styles of dominance and how various people, real or imagined, might behave in a kink environment. In an ongoing dispute involving General Zod and Ming the Merciless, my buddy Mr. “The Void” and I have been having discussions that have blossomed into what I hope will be a long running feature:  that being “WHO’S YOUR DADDY?”

The newest battle is between two of the hottest Bonds in the history of HMSS.

So place your vote and pontificate!

January 9, 2009

“From The Trenches of Pr0n’s Evel Underbelleh” Theater presents…

Filed under: Real-Honest-To-Ganesha-True-Shit. — Mollena Williams @ 3:57 pm

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