TMI = Touching My Insides.
I blog because I have a compulsion to talk. I talk because I have a lot going on inside and it helps me to have a steam valve that actually is beneficial.
I need to feel useful.
I need to feel connected.
I need information and I need feedback.
I feel it is a fair trade that I live my life in a very transparent way and, in exchange, can receive support in varied and surprising ways.
I use my blog in ALT.com and my blog on LiveJournal as ways to communicate things to various people in various ways.
As a totally out person involved in the BDSM community, I am well aware I am at risk from people who think my sex life is deviant, sick, disgusting, criminal.
I’ve had people within my “Chosen Family”, that being the Kink “Community,” publicly condemn me because of the way that I play.
And really? If a fucking PERVERT is telling you you are fucked up, you have a LOT OF WORK to do to keep your chin up.
I’ve managed.
But today I had another moment where I realize I am vulnerable.
I’m on my way to Dark Odyssey…a big convocation where hundreds of deviants are gonna get together and do fucked up shit for a few days.
I’ll be there to talk about my opinions on several flavors of crazy sexual play.
As it happens, I happened to reveal, on Twitter, something about my physical state. And someone took issue to that.
Now, I am responsible for my own reactions, and I know for a fact that erryTHANG ain’t for erryBODY, ya feel me?
But it is that same old thing. You never think that a fellow perv is gonna tell you that something you reveal is “too much information.”
I have no desire to be “too much.”
I have a desire to be open, to share, and I have a hunger for support and feedback.
It stings when people who oughta have a sense of your personae push back with “You have crossed a line.”
Because, well, fuck you.
If you want to look in my fucking head, you don’t get to censor what you see. You know you get an awful lot of info. Some of it will be awful. I permit you in my thoughts, even when they are raw.
(As they are now.)
And you leave footprints and echoes while you are browsing around in my head and heart and guts.
And I accept that risk.
It is my (futile? Naive?) hope that you understand and remember there’s a chick on the other side of those words who actually feels and reacts to your offhand flippant comments.
SO, perverts…if you think something about me is “Too much” I hereby grant you permission to Never. Never Ever tell me, because it already stretches me to bursting being me.
I see you as part of my Tribe and I have no desire to have that compromised. You can always distance yourself from me, quietly….as I do with people for whom I feel little affinity.
Non-kink identified people who don’t wanna see me bleed and cry and laugh and piss and moan and get my ass beaten and get fucked over and fall down complain about it and shout my joy form time to time..
…please…
Move on.
There is nothing to see here.
You have such a beautiful, open expression. I look forward to meeting you this weekend.
I’m apt to share things like that with my world, too. Shall I pass you the Diflucan?
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mollena Reply:
February 12th, 2009 at 7:38 am
….and some yogurt with a fistful of acidophilous, kthxbaai.
Thank you, so much, for your kind words… I will keep an eye peeld for you here at Dark Odyssey!
xoxo
Mo
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Comment by Casey — February 11, 2009 @ 7:29 pm
Bitch, you ain’t getting rid me, so there!
Love ya, ya freak!!!
*HUGS*
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mollena Reply:
February 12th, 2009 at 7:40 am
What, you still here?!!? But I was talking about gross girl stuff that guys hate hearing about! Aren’t you squicked yet?
Sheesh.
Pervert.
(Hug)
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Comment by Thomaskattus — February 11, 2009 @ 7:36 pm
You are right. Yeast infection, period, and being in transit all at the same time really sucks. I don’t find this offensive. I feel a bond with you as a woman. Don’t let someone’s insensitive comment get you down. I hope you feel better soon. Love, sirena
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mollena Reply:
February 12th, 2009 at 7:46 am
•curtsy• I am really REALLY humbled at how much I have learned from such a simple thing as talking about my stuff. The most important is the reminder that most people get where I am oming from, and there isn’t anything shameful or necessitating secrecy. In fact, I think, the more we dialogue the more we learn! I got some excellent feedback and tips on my situation on and offline, and remembered that I am OK with me.
Than you for getting it,
xoxo
Mo
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Comment by sirena — February 11, 2009 @ 9:55 pm
Mollena,
If you held back, you wouldn’t be you. Screw the people who can’t handle it. That just means more of you for the rest of us!!
I hope the “womanly trials” + traveling don’t keep you from having an absolutely fanfreakingtastic time at Dark Odyessy. I look forward to hearing all of the details in all of their Mollena-esque awesomeness.
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mollena Reply:
February 12th, 2009 at 7:49 am
Thanks girl! I gotta know that somettims people will accidentally step on toes…even if the toes are pretty much obvious
I’m just hoping I can keep up the Motrin and Advil and do that selfcare thang sufficiently and yeah, have a kickass time!
•kisses•
Mo
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Comment by Coy Pink — February 11, 2009 @ 10:31 pm
I totally hear ya mo, that’s how i feel too, If you don’t like me then fuck you..I don’t need you. I love all my friends and I wouldn’t trade them for anything, I get hurt too sometimes and recently someone I let too close did. Life ends up throwing you lemons but hey make lemonade with them..that’s all i’m sayin! good blog..m
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mollena Reply:
February 12th, 2009 at 7:51 am
That you are going through is one of the risks of opening up and loving.
But the alternative isn’t a choice for those of us who hope, is it?
Thank you for the props, lovely.
xoxo
Mo
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Comment by melina — February 11, 2009 @ 11:33 pm
I figure this is the time for all us lurkistas to come out of the pixelated woodwork, and say, oh, hi..um..we think you’re awesome.
Well, I do, seriously!
And my read on this kind of get-back-in-the-box response is that that’s what a culture does to people, it makes them do thoughtless things that enforce cultural norms.
My own blog, pretty vanilla, but some people say to me, aren’t you afraid you won’t get hired, what if some crazy person comes and takes your kids?
Because I guess I’m not supposed to have a voice if I’m not, I dunno, a titan of industry. Oh, yeah, and a man. Right.
Patriarchy smells bad, don’t it?
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mollena Reply:
February 12th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Patriarchy smells like stinky feeeeeet! *LOL*
Lisa, I very much appreciate the de-lurk! And I very much am honored that you not only take the time to read but also dig on my sheeeeit
Ooo, and hey, your de-lurk let me get grooving on your blog too!
Nice to e-meetcha!
Mo
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Comment by Lisa Williams — February 12, 2009 @ 12:17 pm
There comes a point in certain interactions where there’s just no such thing as TMI.
I’m the new kid on the block, I know that. I’ve been sharing more about physical things _and_ emotional things in the past year than I’ve _ever_ shared with anyone. I’ve shared so many instances of TMI that it ain’t even funny…
So yeah. I’m still gonna mention when Aunt Flo’s in town (she should be here in a day or two, actually). I’m gonna talk about anal sex and the consequences thereof, I’m gonna talk about yeast infections and bruises and cuts and needles and beatings and welts and fucking hot guys with strapons and and and…
You get the picture. Ain’t no TMI in my eyes. *hug*
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mollena Reply:
February 14th, 2009 at 10:52 pm
I have to say that one of the things that made me drink…and drink a lot…was feeling like I was too fucked up to ever tell anyone how deeply it ran for me.
I don’t ever have to feel that way. I have friends know in real-life, I have virtual friends. And I have friends who have crossed into real time from virtual climes. It is so precious. And that doesn’t happen when you only share what you think people can handle. People aren’t going to be broken or shocked or appalled by be Well, not all of them. And, as my Momma says, “They weren’t ever really your friend anyway.”
Thank you sweetie for keeping it fucking real.
xoxo
Mo
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Comment by Panthera Pardus — February 13, 2009 @ 7:10 am
People like that are assholes. I blog about my fucking period all the time, because you know what? It’s part of my experience. And if they can’t handle that shit, then yeah, they need to head the fuck elsewhere. Ain’t nobody holding a hot iron to their feet making ‘em read your feed.
Sunshine Love´s most recent [type] moment of Zen on the net was…Validation Mad Libs
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Comment by Sunshine Love — April 29, 2011 @ 5:56 pm