WTF Wednesday: Tool Time + Play Time = FAIL.

I do not want to “Blame The Victim” in the case of a grim injury.

Leave fucking around with this shit to the professionals.

Leave fucking around with this shit to the professionals.

But when the victim voluntarily let someone put an electric saw ANYWHERE NEAR their girl bits, my sympathy evaporates like rubbing alcohol poured on a sidewalk in Dubai in August.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again:




You would think that masturbating band-saw guy situation would have made this shit abundantly clear.


But no.
Woman Injured in Power Tool Sex Toy Encounter
By Matthew Stabley
updated 12:15 p.m. PT, Wed., March. 11, 2009
LEXINGTON PARK, Md. — Some sexual experimentation landed a southern Maryland woman in a hospital with injuries tough to imagine and even more difficult to forget.
Maryland State Police airlifted the 27-year-old woman to Prince George’s County Hospital Center early Sunday morning after she was injured in an incident involving a sex toy attached to a saber saw blade, first reported.
The man who called 911 about the incident admitted attaching the sex toy to the saw and then using the high-powered, homemade device on his partner, according to the St. Mary’s County Sheriff’s Office.
The saw cut through the plastic toy and wounded the woman, according to The injuries were severe enough for medevac, but the woman was released from the hospital Monday and is recovering from her unusual injuries.
Investigators talked to the woman, who told them she suffered the injuries during a consensual act and that she and her partner were trying something new and no crime was committed, the sheriff’s office said.
MSN Privacy . Legal
© 2009


Holy fucking shit.

I cannot imagine having my cunt sawed into and then having to be motherfucking MEDEVACED for that shit.

You know what, no. I take that back.

I CAN imagine it.

That is one of many reasons why my vagina remains unsawed even as I type.

I once had a play partner lurch at me in the hallway of his home with a handheld electric saw going full blast and he grabbed me by the neck, grinning manically.

This would have been a terrifying proposition, as this individual was well known for being a crazy motherfucker.

Drilldo. Dumb, but more idiot proof.

Drilldo. Dumb, but more idiot proof.

However, I remained calm.


I’d met his girlfriend,you see.

“Dude,” I said, calmly, even as my toes were barely touching the floor and the saw shrieked and chittered near my head “…I know this is an idle threat. Your girlfriend would kick your ASS if you got blood on this rug, man.”

He paused, and sighed, turning off the saw.

“Yeah, she would.”

I’m as open to kinks as the next totally open-minded pervert. Wait-wait—Who am I kidding.

I am FAR more accepting than most pervs when it comes to kink. Perverts can be some judgemental motherfuckers.

But really?


When you see this shit on websites, mostly this is done by engineers and riggers and people for whim building fucked up scary looking machinery is a workaday concern.

Not some dude who didn’t get the memo that a toy attached to a blade will do its fucking JOB and cut though the toy.



Great Galloping Ganesha, man.

No more pussy for you.

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  1. Beautiful Dreamer on March 11, 2009 at 5:21 PM

    I instinctively reached down to protect my vagina multiple times while reading this. Truly, truly bizarre.

  2. minimo on March 11, 2009 at 7:04 PM

    When sex toys are illegal, only criminals will—ok, wait—-

  3. Vic on March 11, 2009 at 7:50 PM

    *whacks woman on head with rolled up newspaper*

    No! Bad lady! Mean to vagina! No!

  4. Wendy Blackheart on March 11, 2009 at 9:28 PM

    Uh, I’ve actually used a saw-type fucking machine like that, on a boy.

    However, it is properly modded and there is no saw blade anywhere near the things. But holy shit is it powerful. Weighs a ton, too.