Having Family, whether the one into which you are born, the one you make, the one you stumble into, or the one that welcomes you in, is vital. I have several Families to whom I belong, and they play various roles in my life. My born family, my Hunter Family, my Theater family, my Family in Recovery…the Family of fellow Titleholders, my small circle of Leather Family, the Family that is my theater company, Crowded Fire…my new far-flung International Family of fellow Leatherfolk and Kinky peeps.

Regardless of whatever draws Family together, what keeps Family together is a common desire for camaraderie, support, love, and a “safe haven” from the slings and arrows, the judgement and ebb and flow of the default world. For Leatherfolks, this can be lifesaving: we sometimes can’t hope to find unconditional acceptance “Out There.” So. We make our own Family. (more…)

A couple of  years ago, I had a rather unpleasant moment where I was on the receiving end of a roomful of laughter when I introduced myself as, among other things, monogamous. If you care to read the whole story, you can do so here. After realizing that part of the rich stew of emotions I felt when this occurred, a thread of this was embarrassment and shame.

Living in the Bay Area, where the overwhelming majority of people in the BDSM Leather & kink community are poly-identified, it was feeling more and more true, for me, that being monogamous was looked on as “quaint” and not treated with much respect. I had to look at why I was feeling this way, and part of it was that human feeling of wanting to be accepted, and realizing that people mocking something that is core to me did NOT encourage that feeling. I don’t like feeling like the weirdo among weirdoes, and this seems to be mt place as often as not

Od course, the more something bugs me the more I want to talk about it, so here I am a couple of years later doing a class on one aspect of the monogamous experience in the BDSM / Leather / Kink community. There aren’t many of us out there talking about it, and so I felt compelled to add my voice to the mix.

As I think and write and discuss and study, I would be honored and appreciative to hear from other monogamous folks about how they cope with being monogamous in situations where that choice / orientation isn’t necessarily common. How do you deal with feelings of shame or discomfort? Feeling discouraged, or as though your search for a partner is that much more difficult?

And if you have something you’d like to share with other monogamous-identified folks, please do so. Sometimes, a simple word of encouragement goes a long way.

I know I could use one right about now

I fear for the city of New York and, frankly, the planet!

I’m joining the freaking FABULOUS Abiola Abrams tomorrow night on her show, Love, Sex, Dating and Drama!

She’s on Shovio, which is an interactive webcast situation. Go register and then you can log in on WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 25TH at 10:00 PM EDT and join in what is SURE to be a juggernaut of AWESOME!!

When I was in 6th grade, I went to the Museum of Natural History on one of many, many field trips. But this time, I bought something cool. It was called a Resurrection Plant. They are also known as The Rose of Jericho.

It was a weird, brown ball and on the card stapled to the top of the dusty packaging, it said that this was actually a living plant. I was dubious, but I absolutely trusted the AMONH, and knew they wouldn’t steer me wrong. And if they did, I sure as fuck would be back on the bus and demanding my money back!

I gave it to my Mother, and we put it into a dish with water, as indicated in the instructions. within a few hours, the spiky desiccated ball had relaxed a bit…cautiously, unfurling its stems and plumping its roots and soaking up the water, which we kept fresh as it disappeared into the now mossy lump.

Between that afternoon and the next morning, it opened so much it was kind of creepy.

I was impressed by the action of something that seemed so dead doing its thing so quickly, with just a little water. (more…)

Five days seems like precious little time to get to know someone who has, somehow, managed to hack into your unconscious. I’m quite good at fending off random emotional connections but every once in a while, I slip. Logic doesn’t go out of the window so much as it skulks around right outside of the door pounding to get in while other emotions take the fore.

And that can be OK. Been a long time since I let someone do pretty much what they wanted and resolved to deal with the aftermath pretty much on my own. Risky. Crapshoot. Reckless. Desperate, pathetic….the Bad Voice wants to take over here. But I can’t let her, because the fourth day is evaporating when I realize what The Big Fucking Deal is. (more…)

Ain’t done a HNT in forever…

But yeah, I figured I’d hit one up.

Hi from Berlin!

I am in the midst of a pretty epic trip to 8 cities in 4 countries and it is exciting. But a bit lonely at times. Well, except when I’m being attacked by angry  Bavarian bees and bedbugs….

SO, while I was at the Berlin Zoo yesterday, I bought this happy guy, and named him Paul (after the psychic, World Cup predicting octopus) the VIII (because…you know.) and he is my friend for the rest of this trip.

Consider my HNT my homage to that famous Japanese woodcut. But slightly less …. er … sexehtime

Meet Paul VIII

Happy HNT!