Hello! My name is Mollena and I’m an

• Alcoholic
• Submissive
• Masochist
• Slave
• Masochist
• Ponygirl
• Emotional masochist

Yeah all of those are labels I use to create space where I can be me safely. But that last one…not so easy to embrace. I’ve waded through accepting a lot of shit I thought I’d never be able to see as part of who I am. Amusingly, I am freely able to delight in the explorations of others, and sincerely love to see people grow and blossom into the beautiful perverts that they want to be. But for me? No no, Momo, that shit is not OK.

I saw other people who were emotionally masochistic and thought “How fascinating that those people can find pleasure in emotional pain!” and yet when I thought that this might be a facet of my own psyche, I assumed that I was somehow fucked up and that this was yet another way for me to undermine my rather gelatinous self-esteem.

But what if accepting that there is a pleasure inherent in enduring emotional pain? Would that be a damaging sort of false “acceptance?” (more…)

Woo hoo!

My latest offering on SexIs Magazine is up!

Spank long and prosper!

“It might seem terribly romantic to sacrifice yourself, your time, your body, in service to another. It is very fulfilling, for many people, to push themselves in their service. Those who eroticize the exchange of power often thrive in a situation where they can sometimes experience privation and hardship. It can be a means to growth.

However.

If your physical, emotional and spiritual health are not in order? You aren’t doing anyone any damned favors.”

Also, please note in my post, there was an edit that actually changes my take on the PD.

“It is the primary responsibility of the slave to protect the master’s property at all times, up to and including protecting the property from the master themselves”

In the current iteration (which I have requested edited) the slave is refered to as an “it.”

Dehumanizing the slave to an “it” is a personal choice one may make, However for my purposes, I assume that the slave or submissive identifies as a human not an object.

…read deeper…

 

 

 

 
So Shilo McCabe, she of the bad-ass hanky code flowers,  the Sex Positive Photo Project and general awesomeness, came and hung out with me, brought along the radtastic  Airial and by my sista Sylvia. Much awesome ensued. And we took some pictures, so here’s one…

click through for the full-size goodness.

Here’s hoping you have a Happy Hump Day!

Well, it’s a camera-phone pic and Oh boy it still stings but many, many thanks to my brother-in-spirit Gauge, who runs Bulldog Tattoo. He brought my sweet Lord to rest on my skin…dancing on my left thigh.

(more…)

I’m chuffed to have received recognition for my little blog! Thanks to Rori for compiling another year’s worth of sex bloggery goodness!
 
Here’s the Top 100 Sex Bloggers according to the readers of the sexiest blogs in the internets!

1. Guy New York (@quickiesnewyork) and The Dirty Gentleman from Quickies in New York
2. Charlotte Times (@charlotte_times) from The Life and Charlotte Times
3. Kendra Holliday (@TBK365 and @beautifulkind) from The Beautiful Kind
4. Amie Wee (@crevicecanyon) from Crevice Canyon
5. Riff Dog from Ashley and Me
6. Catherine Toyooka (@Catcoaches) from Sex Spoken Here: Secrets of a Sexuality Educator
7. Vineyard Road (@vineyardroad) from Vineyard Road
8. David (@DavidinVegas) from A View from the Top
9. Quizzical Pussy (@quizzicalpussy) from Quizzical Pussy
10. Athol Kay from Married Man Sex Life
11. Dick and Jane from Dick-n-Jane
12. EA (@easilyaroused) from Easily Aroused
13. Axe (@unspeakableaxe) from Unspeakable Axe
14. Joan Price (@JoanPrice) from Naked at Our Age – Better Than I Ever Expected
15. Oatmeal Girl (@oatmeal_girl) from Submission & Metaphor
16. Dark Gracie (@darkgracie) from Dark Gracie
17. Mistress Lilyana (@MistressLilyana) from Mistress Lilyana
18. Kyle Jones (@butchtastickyle) from Butchtastic
19. Cheeky Minx (@LoveHateSexCake) from Love Hate Sex Cake
20. Adam from The Mind of a Married Man
21. Dr. Marty Klein (@drmartyklein) from Sexual Intelligence
22. Lady Pandorah (@ladypandorah) from Lady Pandorah’s Sanctuary
23. Holly (@pervocracy) from The Pervocracy
24. Brooke from Puppy Tales
25. Lady Dragonfly (@miladydragonfly) from Lady Dragonfly
26. nilla (@swirlednilla) from Vanillamom’s Blog
27. Wilhelmina Wang (@wilhelminawang) from Heartbreak Nymphomania
28. Holden (@packingvocals) from Packing Vocals
29. 25 Things from 25 Things About My Sexuality
30. Thumper (@thumperMN) from Denying Thumber
31. Kake (@poeticerotica) from Poetic Erotica
32. Lucas (@top2bottom) from Top to Bottom
33. Ms. Diane D from Bi and Large – Cuckolding with a Twist
34. Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross (@dodsonandross) from Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross – Sex Information Online
35. Kat (@shackledkat) from Prowling with Kat
36. The Gentle Nibbles Writing Team (@gentlenibbles) from Gentle Nibbles
37. Pandora (@pandorablake) from Spanked, Not Silenced
38. Molly (@mollysdailykiss) from Molly’s Daily Kiss
39. Vixen from Secrets of a Blue-Eyed Vixen
40. DDD from Dick Dyke Dick
41. Jade (@piecesofjade) from Pieces of Jade
42. Jiz Lee (@jizlee) from Jiz Lee
43. Sin from Finding My Submission
44. Kris from The Phone Courtesan
45. SapioSlut from SapioSlut
46. Rockin’ (@RockinwithaCock) from Light Switch
47. Rachael (@rabbitwhite) from Rachel Rabbit White
48. Neo Dom Tom from A Bedroom Dom
49. Daisy Danger (@daisydanger) from The True Life Sex Adventures of Daisy Danger
50. Violet & Rye (@UCAppetites) from Uncommon Appetites
51. Kaya from Under His Hand
52. Lilith (@lilith9465) from Lilith Land
53. Lady Grinning Soul (@LadyGrinSoul) from Lady Grinning Soul
54. Septimus from Dirty Art by Septimus
55. Roxy (@sroxy) from Uncommon Curiosity
56. Anakin (@AnakinDarth) and Padme (@padmeamidala) from Journey to the Darkside
57. Dr. Charlie Glickman (@charlieglickman) from Adult Sexuality Education
58. Lily from theblackleatherbelt
59. Arabella (@askarabella) from Bombshells & Rockstars
60. SN from Peel It Off!
61. Bre from Owned, Collared, Loved
62. Adriana Ravenlust from Of Sex and Love
63. Delilah (@definingdelilah) from Defining Delilah
64. Arthur and Annabelle (@lustandconfused) from Lust and Confused
65. Lorelei (@suggestive) from Suggestive Tongue
66. Kitty Stryker from PurrVersatility

67. Mollena (@Mollena) from The Perverted Negress (woot!) (more…)

Happy HNT! I’m in the last week of performing in a play here in San Francisco, and though I’ve sacrificed a great deal for theater in my lifetime, this was the first time I went so far as to shave and Nair my noggin.

(more…)

My beautiful, terrible demon.

I hadn’t cried like that in a long, long time. Crying is something I usually do for very short bursts, then it ebbs. Maybe a minute? Tops. And then I have done what I needed to do and can either sit with the emotion or start to recover from whatever triggered the collapse.

But this was way, way past that. I needed to cry so hard it wore me the fuck out. Because I could sense if I didn’t go balls-out on a good session of sobbing I’d be having random outbursts for an indefinite period of time and I sure as fuck didn’t have time for that.

The evening before, I’d had a conversation with The Dominant Guy that started out well. Very well, in fact. he was giving me direction regarding writing he wanted me to do. I was pleased because this is stuff we’ve had on the table for a while now, so I was glad to get a handle on it. But I felt oddly guarded and kind of off balance. I chalked it up to the fact that everything has been off-balance of late, we haven’t been communicating with as much consistency and life in general has been full of Stuff & Whatnot.

In the midst of the conversation there was a switchback, where I had to get some check-in and I’ve written a bit about what that was like.

The part that was only thinly referenced was what motivated the insane crying jag that erupted the next morning.

Now…in being involved with poly people, one has to assume that, well, they’re gonna do what poly people do and have other people in their lives. In the case of my being involved with The Dominant Guy, the mitigating circumstance, for me, was that the preexisting conditions in his life were known quantities to me. Wife, check. Girlfriend, check. Play-partners, check. According to the job-openings on his profile, he was looking for a slave.

So technically…technically? Logically? There was no reason for me to have a fuse lit when he told me that he and Mrs. TheDominantGuy were opening up discussion about again having someone in service to them.

Logically? Non-starter.

Emotionally however…holy shit.

(more…)

I’m no longer surprised that I have this reflexive compulsion to obey The Dominant Guy. That was a given since we first met.

What does continue to surprise me is the depth of how far that compulsion goes, and how I sincerely obey before I have even processed what he wants.

Submitting when you are doing something you want to do already isn’t all that challenging. It is very challenging when the person whose voice causes your thought processes to actually stop and change direction at their behest is yanking your chain when everything in your body is starting that downhill slide.

As busy as my life is, TDG seems to manage to be even busier much of the time, so our being able to connect and have Pithy talks about Pithy Shit isn’t always easy. Today was one of those days where the set-up for some important negotiations to which I’ve been looking forward for a bit were put into motion. OK, so I’m listening, I’m asking good questions, I’m getting my brain around what he wants.

Then as happens, he says something I interpret in a way that maybe wasn’t precisely his intention. (more…)

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #32 ? Start with the rules, come back in January to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

A Feminist Defense of Consensual Nonconsent – How does a woman who identifies as a feminist reconcile her desire to submit to her partner during sex? Being somewhat new to kink, I had some trepidations about how submission seemingly went against my ethics.

Intimates – As the evening drew on, I felt like the sexiest woman alive. It’s strange to describe it this way, but I actually felt brimming with a sort of sexual energy. A lustiness, a sexiness, an allure and a desire all at once.

Tightest Space – I’m paying close attention to your moans, and I stop whenever it feels like it might be too much. But the incredibly tight feeling of your ass gripping my cock is so delicious that I need to get all the way in.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

An Open Letter to the Sex Toy Industry – I write this post not to just let off some steam but with the smallest glimmer of hope that maybe…….just maybe….some of these words will land on the right computer screen and be taken to heart. Maybe one change will happen.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

International #Fisting Day!! – Beyond awareness and calling for action, I think International Fisting Day is a great day to celebrate fisting; an intimate, hugely erotic and often orgasmic act that doesn’t get the recognition it deserves.

Kink & Fetish

When Submission is a Dry Biscuit (more…)

I am deeeelighted to report my new gig as a columnist for SexIs Magazine!

Please stop on by, say hi, comment, thumbs-up, and all that cool shit that strokes my ego. Hey well, who doesn’t like a good stroking now and then?