I was contacted recently by award-winning journalist Alexis Stodghill,Â writing from an MSNBC e-mail address and on the staff of TheGrio.com. She asked me ifÂ I’dÂ be interested in answering a few questions about BDSM, specifically race play, sinceÂ I’dÂ beenÂ quotedÂ in a column that is getting a whole lot of talk and that touches on that topic. TheÂ column, a response to a letter sent to Abiola Abrams, hit on the critical issue of consent and boundaries in relationships. The most important thing, from my perspective as someone who speaks and teachesÂ aboutÂ consensual BDSM, was that the fact that some people do consent to edgy role-playing in a CONSENSUAL manner was addressed in Ms. Abram’s response.
Ms. Stodghill, seeing the resultant discussion, decided to ask me to expand on the topic. Yep yep, I was hesitant. The Black community is just starting to have more open discussion about sex, and to zipline right into dissecting a type of playÂ thatÂ even some Â jaded,Â hardenedÂ pervertsÂ won’t tough with a fen foot bullwhip and that incites completelyÂ understandableÂ visceralÂ reactionsÂ from the majority of people is…daunting. To say the least.
I wrote a response and hoped for the best. The full text of my answers to the questions is here.
Controversial letter goes viral as readers discuss â€˜race play,â€™ a sexual fetish involving racialÂ slurs
Â I am most gratified to see that very difficult topics are starting to hit more mainstream mediaÂ outletsÂ with a careful, respectful, nuancedÂ perspectiveÂ rather than the easy andÂ obviousÂ take on BDSM and Alternative Sexuality. I am very grateful that Ms. Stodghill deftly handled this difficult topic, and if you appreciated her reportage, please considerÂ letting herÂ know so on TwitterÂ or on Facebook. Â We take small steps towards releasing shame and gaining understanding, small steps every day. These discussions are steps in an amazing direction, leading us closer to theÂ placeÂ where weÂ don’tÂ have to live in fear of losing jobs, friends, family, being shunned by those we thought were friends because we live and love differently. May we continue to walk forward.