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I’m always a little “!!!?!?!?!?” when people mention, quote or talk about me in their writings. But it makes all the gut-wrenching puling moaning and late night Waaaaaaaaaambulance calls worth it, if someone else can share in it with me.
My entree to sex was awesome: I was 15, he was 18, we fucked all the time, eventually became a triad for a while, had kinky sex games….win. My entree into BDSM was awesome. I had a love-at-first-sight star-studded multi-city romance with a sexy musician who changed my perception and I eventually came out kinky in to the bosom of the crème de la crème of the BDSM community.
Not all stories are like mine. (more…)
Q: What tips do you think all submissives need to hear, in your experience?
Take. Your. Time.
BDSM isn’t going anywhere. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone, and waiting is just fine. Plunging in headfirst is awesome, until it isn’t. Think of it this way: sure, the first dominant who wants to tie you up and beat you might be awesome. But the 9th dominant you meet might be a better match, and if the first one puts you off your path, or is a jerk, and you say “Wow, I wish I’d waited until I had more time to vet people!” you can’t undo that shit.
Trust Your Gut.
Being kinky shouldn’t reset a lifetime of experiences. If something doesn’t feel right, and you hear “OH, but that’s just how it is done!” then fuck how it is done. You are here to get your needs met, not to walk blindly into something just because someone else says it is so.
Make friends.
Make friends with other submissives. Make friends with switches. Make friend with tops and doms. And I mean platonic friends. People who aren’t out to get in your pants. Folks you can trust for feedback, who are connected in the community, who don’t have ulterior motives for telling you things that might not be in your best interest.
Read everything with a grain of salt.
I don’t care who the fuck said it or wrote it. (more…)
From Formspring…
Q: When a relationship ends, what is the best approach for moving on and regaining self, things that you lost while in that relationship?
A: This is so mutable.
(Which is OK. Gemini’s a mutable sign. I’m good)
The circumstances of the relationship have EVERYTHING to do with the breakup.
- How long was the relationship?
- How amicable was the breakup?
- How was the breakup itself handled?
- How respectfully are you treating one another in the aftermath?
- Were children or other significant others involved?
Etc etc etc.
(more…)
Putting up a kink-related Q&A from Formspring.me. Wanna see your question posted on my blog? Ask me now! I respond to all of ‘em and questions that nudge me or seem to resonate for folks will make it here 
Do you have any advice for people who are new to public scenes/BDSM in general?
Oh gosh. How about a lucky seven things off of the top of my head…? (more…)
It is OK to be in the closet. Some of the best toys are there.
This new Formspring thing is pretty amazing. I’ve been blessed with some amazing questions, and have seen some wonderful answers to questions I’ve asked. One in particular has been resonating for many people, so I wanted to post it here.
I’m coming (painfully) out of my first relationship that had a true BDSM element, but my kink is a very private one. I’m not poly, I don’t think I’d enjoy playing in public, and the whole “scene” idea terrifies me. But it’s very much a part of who I am, and this relationship has opened whole new parts of my heart and mind. However, leaving this relationship is scaring the hell out of me because I’m afraid I’ll never again be able to find someone who is content with BDSM in our private life, but not in public and with dozens of play partners. I feel hopeless and scared. Advice?
(more…)
Featured Posts
I adore The AdipositivityProject. And SubstantiaJones. And this photo.
The first photo posted in this series on her amazing site can be found here…I posted it a little while back but check it out again
The rain that started in that other photo continued in this one. It was warm and raining and beautiful and [...]
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I want to thank the folks at Kinkfest once again. What a well-run event, and how much of an honor it is to be able to spend time there. Even if I weren’t presenting, I’d attend KinkFest. They do a smashing job. Deepest Kudos to Mike. His patience and generosity towards me were remarkable.
These days, going to BDSM [...]
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I know it is tough. When you are surfing the interwebs to look for love, perhaps you lack the time to read every line of every profile of every woman into whom you want to stick your penis.
But please.
My gods.
Some of the responses I get to my profile.
This gem today in my mail from my [...]
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