One of the most precious gifts I have received from the BDSM, Kink and Leather Confederations is, in fact, a double-edged sword. And that is freedom to be who I am. The thing is? It kind of helps if you know who the fuck you are before you go exercising that freedom.
It also helps if you have the emotional hide of a rhinoceros because you WILL rub people the wrong way and you WILL have folks who, once they see the ‘real you,” once they have access to your most profound vulnerabilities, run roughshod over you, disappoint you, take advantage of you, and trash-talk you even as they smile and hug you in the hallway of the convention.
Once you start manifesting your authentic self, there will be plenty of folks who are willing to pull you apart because you challenge their notions of what is “good” and “right” and “proper” for “real” BDSMers. I’ve been through that wringer more than a few times.
The thing is? The more I’ve been through the wringer, the stronger I felt coming out of the other side. The more folks piled on and accused me of being “too aggressive” or “not submissive enough,” the more strongly I felt that being exactly who was and living out loud wasn’t just my option or prerogative: it was my imperative. For every relationship from which I had to walk away, I have forged friendships that span time and distance with people who have my back. For every coward who dresses me down there are those who humble me by sharing with me how something I wrote or shared made them think, changed their opinion, gave them strength, spoke to their own deep-seated longings.
And for that I am grateful.
It has occurred to me, as I have seen so many offer their services to help others is that I have been doing so along various vectors for the entirety of my life. And I really feel driven to make myself available to folks who, perhaps, cannot get to a convention or who do not need the bright-lights big-city spin of the public community. Or, maybe, the 90-minute class I taught opened up to them a new path and they’d like a little guidance. So to that end, I am going to start offering my service to folks as a mentor, BDSM Lifestyle Consultant, Personal Educator, Kinky Muse.
I do not have a formal “Business Plan” as yet. My fees will be sliding scale, and my approach will vary according to the needs of clients and those who need a friendly ear and a non-judgmental heart to receive, process and share back insights, information and joy. Let’s find a way for you to use me: my experience and expertise, my passions…so that your life shines a bit brighter.
We have all manner of communication modes at our disposal. I travel…quite a bit…so perhaps I’ll be in your city. We have Skype available to us, so maybe a video conference is your best and fastest way to have your questions answered and get the validation you might seek. Or maybe you and your partner (or partners!) wish to have an intensive weekend where I visit with you and we to the work of learning how to love and play with greater joy and abandon, with greater control and discipline, or whatever your personal blend might be.
As open as I am to this new path, I am as open to finding out what you need and seeing if I can be a guide, a siren, a goad, and a facilitator to your journey. There is no box, there are no rules, there is just that feeling you are feeling right now reading this and saying “Yes…this…THIS is what I have been looking for. Let’s give it a shot.”