Today @TheDominantGuy and I had some time to have a phone date. Which I love so very much. Â There are still Big Ass Things on the table to discuss and that might have gone down…but the second stage of emotional heavy-lifting didnâ€™t happen. We got to catch up on other stuff. And actually just talk, which is so lovely.
We had a very lively discussion about my rantlet on FetLife, which wound up becoming quite the little discussion, which is cool. (I’ve put it up here for those who aren’t on FetLife) And while he agreed with and understood my point, he reminded me that sometimes? People do find themselves caught off-guard and reacting in ways that might seem inappropriate.
Yeah I know dude but it still doesn’t mean it doesn’t bug the shit out of me.
It happens that some submissives, especially if they haven’t experienced that hyper-focused attention from a d-type before, don’t know what else to do. It is instinctive. They just get caught up in the laser-like focus of dominance…
Â It is also known as poor impulse-control! You CAN maintain…you just CHOOSE not to.Â
I disagree. I think sometimes it is overwhelming. Especially if you haven’tÂ experiencedÂ it before. Â And also some people have protocols that direct them to address all dominants in that way.
Sure. And I don’t think that’s evil or anything or that those people suck but I DO Â believe that means those people are dragging me into their dynamic and smearing me with their protocols and I do not appreciate that. And I know you don’t either.Â
Nah, not really.
AndÂ the FACT is you don’t HAVE to couch it in terms of respecting all dominants. If it really is respect, respect me too or I’ll be looking at you with an eye so hard you’ll feel the creases in your face for the rest of the day.
At LEAST a day and a half…
Maybe – But what if theyâ€™re faced with the high-powered-Light of Dominance? Like, whereas regular doms might have two C-battery level flashlight of topishness some Alphas have attuned their energy to make it an Uber Mag-Light of magnificence?
Hey man, I’ve been hit with the Super Police Special LED Mag-Light of dominate magnificence myself, there…
…at least TWENTY MILLION CANDLEPOWER of MASTERLYNESS…
…with a special laser scope to pinpoint hapless, helpless submits! But I managed to keep MY shit together.
â€¦ â€¦ â€¦ oh?
That does NOT count, dude. Â You trapped me in the corner.
And then you cheated with the cheesecake.
Yeah I’m pretty sure it was the cheesecake that did it.
It was REALLY good cheesecake.
(and he fed me it from his fingers. I ask you, jury of my peers…is that fair practices?)
The further discussion on submissives and how we teach people to treat us was quite fascinating. One of these days, I’ll write about that. I have a coalescing thing I wanna talk about that has to do with the fact that submissives have, as a default group, painted ourselves into a corner where we havenâ€™t trained others to treat us well and we don’t always treat one another very well, either. This also ties into my ongoing questioning of what can be done to foster courtesy extended to all people in the scene, which does, IMO, foster people being treated with respect rather than according to rules and protocols.
One of these days I’ll find a way to get these discussions I have with TDG captured. I really like the way we think.
We were talking about upcoming gigs, and I mentioned I was doing the class on monogamy soon, but that I wasn’t sure I was going to keep it on my roster.
Well, several reasons. Foremost being that I’m not sure if I can call myself monogamous, because I AM, at this point, open to having other relationships in my life. They wouldn’t be m/s or have a d/s component but the part of me that still needs a romantic relationship can’t really be left on the side of the road to die. So while my heart is monogamous in terms of my m/s stuff, I’m not sure I’m monogamous…argh I hate using that word.
See, the thing about monogamy is that it isn’t the quote-unquote opposite of polyamory. Monogamy just means married to one. I am emotionally monogamous. But I am not necessarily ONLYÂ goingÂ to be with one person. I have friends I love and with whom I play. I might even fuck them. Well, someday. Eventually. If I even manage to get fucking again. But I am not monoGAMOUS, because I am not married. I’m monoamorous. I mean, shit…by definition you ARE monogamous.
Right. But what about being monogamous concerning relationship types?
What, like emotional monogamy?
Emotional, relationship-level monogamy. You know, compartmentalysis.
I’m not sure that was a word but I suppose it is now! The compartmentalysis thing maybe is…I dunno… monorelational? You got the one wife, the one girlfriend, the one slave. Â But I can’t run around calling that straight-pour monogamy because the more traditional monogamists get pricky. And I think that’s a righteous prickle. Monogamy is about being married to and involved with one person. I don’t like playing fast-and loose with that shit. However? In your case, in addition to being married to just one person, you have external partnered, loving relationships. So that’s a consideration.
So what would that make me?
Um. Well… I think we could say â€œAh, that @TheDominantGuy. He’s a monogamous polyamorist.â€ And then stand back and watch people’s heads asplode.
Labels only go so far. I’m patching together something…hoping some stuff will fit. Mostly so I can get boundaries and things together in my head. Also so that I know that @TheDominantGuy and I are on the same page. Which we almost always are…save the moments where he’s smacking me upside the head with the book. Or searing my retina with the Zenlike Klieg Light Of Ultimate Dominance, Mastery and Sirtasticness.