What’s sleek and black on the outside with a satiny streak that opens up to a slick and shiny hot pink inside?

Its the “Pink Corset” style toy box from Devine Toys via SexToys.com!!

What did you think I — oh Gods.

Pervert.

I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear you think that out loud!

The photo to the right…THAT is what I am talking about, people.

Isn’t it pretty! Yes. Yes, it is. Devine has an awesome product in their Locking Toy Box. Made of a delightfully soft and realistic faux-leather with a shimmering hot pink satin accent, the box is offset with a lace-up corseted look that extends from the front of the box all of the way down to the back. I love the sexiness of the thing.

They have several different styles from which to choose, and you can purchase a more subtle motif. I mean, come on. No one is going to look at this fucking gorgeous corseted box and think “Wow, what a lovely pen set she must keep in there!” No they are gonna know you have Sexy in there, and they are going to know you don’t fuck around when fucking around.

The ToyBox has a sturdy feeling to it, and is also offset with a shiny silver hasp. Ingeniously, the hasp is there in order to facilitate the shiny little silver padlock which is included in the deal. A sex toy Fort Knox it ain’t, but it will give pause to an idle snooper bent on waving your g-spot stimulator around at your next dinner party while squealing “OMG!! What the hell is THIS?!?” when they know full well what the hell it is and are just hating on your dope ass toy collection.

Upon opening, the box has an awesome little moment of thoughtfulness in that little ribbon that runs from the lid to the inside of the box to prevent the top from flipping open and, for example, sending your candelabra, fully loaded and gleaming with flickering leather scented candles right into your gauzy canopy bed and immolating you in a fiery conflagration. See? The Devine Toy Chest has just saved your motherfucking life! You gotta have this, man.

But seriously. It is a kick ass item. I comfortably fit 2 dildos, a bottle of lube, a shitload of condoms and a vibrating remote egg up in there. That should be enough to get the party started! I give the Devine ToyBox five fingers up…way up! You’ll love having this fun and flirty way to wrangle your grownup gadgets, gels and gewgaws. And you’ll enjoy an accessory that says “Yes, I know how to take care of my sex toys…and do it in style. Sleek sexy style. Now, let’s get busy.”

Peace

Mollena
The Perverted Negress

I don’t usually advertise myself as a switch. Why? Because I’m not, centrally, switch-focused. I have found a depth of fulfillment within my submissive nature that is pretty fucking startlingly WINtastic.

But every once in a while someone gets through the cracks and I think “Well, maybe, maybe I could switch…”

And I wish it were not so, but this seems to be the case with insanely attractive submissive men.

Almost Perfect...Wait! Who you callin' a size queen?!?!

I received a message on CollarMe that didn’t make me want to run screaming for the hills or rant insanely about the puerility of most of the membership on that particular site. But it was from a submissive. I idly scrolled down to the profile picture and holymotherfucking shit the man is gorgeous. GORGEOUS. And it seems that I am precisely his type.

Check and mate.

First off, there ain’t nothing much more attractive than someone who thinks that who you are is simply over-the-top fantastic. There aren’t busloads of men stopping in front of my flat looking for “That thick black blonde woman,” so when someone specifically digs me, I am thinking “OK, let’s look further.”

And then he’s smoking hot. Yay!

But submissive. Boo!

Or…not?

My ex-boyfriend, The Pizza Guy*, didn’t identify as a “dominant” per se. But our relationship worked out well while it lasted. And I know plenty of people who become involved with folks who fall outside of their desired core identification.

I rarely say “Never.” Primarily because to make that kind of call is hubris. And anyone who has read their mythology knows how well hubristic heroes fare in the end!

But I cannot help feeling a bit shallow and petty. If an equally sincere submissive with whom I might also have an interesting relationship approached me but was not some Adonis, would I consider a coffee date as readily? And if not, is that fair? If if not fair, who cares?

This is all probably moot. The flake factor on these sites is markedly overwhelming, and I probably will not wind up meetig this man. But when I am next at a Munch or a Kink Convention and meet that really really hot submissive, I may well not move them into the “ineligible” category quite so quickly.

*Someone remind me to blog about that later.

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #154? Submit a link to your best post of the week by emailing ‘em directly at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom!

This Week’s Picks
For tonight, we’ll forget who and what we are.
“I want to play with you all night.”

Please, please don’t
“It will hurt, but it will be fine”

Rough
“I want you on top of me.”

Sugasm Editor
Radical Vixen

Editor’s Choice
Sometimes You Find You Get What You Need

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Are You a Penis Person? [podcasturbation]
Ask Miss Bliss: Bi and Tired of Being Pressured Into Threesomes
College Confessional: The Naked Truth About Male Bonding
eHarmony: The Battle for Gay Rights in a Nutshell
Kinky vs. Queer vs. Straight Sex
L-O-V-E (the other L Word)
Porn People I Want To Hang Out With
Tie Me to the Ends of Love, Part 1
Wood and lace?

Sex Work
All School and No Kink make Princess a Bitch
Sex Worker Solidarity: Craig Seymour

BDSM & Fetish
At his house

Captured at Folsom.

Christmas came early…or late
Deprived, depraved, fucked and satisfied
Paula’s Story [Part Five]
Sex Camp 2008: Wherein I learn fishnets chafe
A Testament To Douchebaggery

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Catsuit
Femme Fatale
Iga A (Met Art)
Natali Demore tying Vivian Ireene Pierce Preview
Picture 47: the pet
Sandra Shine and Judy Nero
Silky
Sybil hawthorne trying on a ballgag

Sex Advice
Hot and Handy: Giving The Perfect Penis Handjob
How to Have a One-Night Stand

Erotic Writing and Experiences
Airport Conversations
The Back Wank
Cleo and Lisa
Commando
I want more
Lucid Dreams
My strippers are spying on me
Painting the Picture
So, about Monday night …
Tasting The Sun Flower
Twenty Four Hours
When Nerd Night gets nasty
Wrestling With Eric
Z Part 2 - Blade

Sex Humor
Blast From the Past. Confession #178

Sex News, Reviews, & Interviews
404 File Not Found… It’s Not Here, But Angela Is
The Cuckold - Cumming to DVD
NYC Sex Bloggers Calendar Party Post Roundup
Porn 4 Pussies: Crash Pad Series, Volume 1
Sex Toy Review: Lelo Mia
Sex Toy Review - The Zone

I fucking WEEP every time I watch this….MAD PROPS to Viviane for pimping this link!!

One of the more romantic ideals within the BDSM world is that of collaring. But it is not a universal conceit: the symbolism varies wildly.

There are some folks for whom a collar is a nice accessory, an ornament, worn because it looks sexy. And it runs the gamut all the way to those for whom a collar = wedding ring and absolute slavery and ownership by another person.  Some people think the whole thing is kinda crazy.

I am on the heavier symbolism end of the spectrum of this myself.  I have never been “collared” by anyone, And as a result, collars are even more so now a symbol to which I choose to ascribe a very particular meaning.

When I was being formally trained to serve in a Leather Household, it was drummed into my head that collars were something to be earned, over time, and not something that one took on and off willy nilly on a daily basis.  I have plenty of friends for whom that is not at all the case, but since I was in the midst of that protocol, I stood by that choice.

Plus who doesn’t want an accessory that is so fucking highly charged that even the thought of it can get you wet?

Shoe sluts, you know what I am talking about.

Purse whores know this too.

I have made [2] rare exceptions to the casual wearing of a collar. Once was in order to circumvent a situation I did not want to deal with at the time.  I was going to be attending a kink event, and there was someone there whom I wasn’t certain I wanted to interact with. By wearing a collar and in the leash of a friend, I knew they’d back off, and give me the space I needed to reconsider my position and avoid a seriously awkward public discussion.  Amusingly enough, it was as weird for my leash-holding friend as it was for me, as they are not a person who cares much for dominant / submissive play, being mostly into sadism / masochism.  Ultimately, it was a learning experience for the both of us.

The other time was…it was a chance for me to wear a collar that meant a whole lot more to me than it did to the person who put it on. The fantasy of it was delicious. The reality was, it was just a nice accessory to them, although to me, for that period of time, it was more. It was Everything.

Not too long ago I thought about the fact that I haven’t yet had a D/S relationship that had attained that level of commitment. I thought about how that can be a tough thing, because we are pretty much acculturated to grow up get married and settle down. Even among radical pervery there is the sense of “longing” for that level of submission.  You think women who are getting married obsess about a wedding ring? Ppfft. Try a newly collared submissive gushing on and on and on about the sanctity, symbolism, awe and power of her collar of submission.

Shit gets mad florid, yo.

I am a patient person these days, but there are some things I should not have to wait for.

The Tired Negress...with teeny collar.

So I decided to collar myself.

I bought a fetching little necklace on Etsy.

It was originally listed as a children’s necklace, which I find creepy, but maybe this artist is a practitioner of that thing where little girls commit their virginity to their Dads. Purity Balls. The lovely Dharma wrote about that crazy shit in her blog *shudder*

Whatever.  I digress.

The links are wee small little hearts, and the lock is brushed silver.

I love it.

Kink people sometimes ask me about my “collar”, and puzzle if they know I am not in service to anyone. I am glad to explain the collar is a talisman for my commitment to myself, to my spirit, all that happy crappy.  Someties it feels like a brave face.  Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me that I haven’t had anyone about whom I felt passionately return that energy and truly desire and demand that level of love and control.

Who knows.

But on days when I feel as though I want to do that emotional masochism and feel sorry for myself. it is nice to have that silvery reminder caressing my neck quietly whispering “You are loved.”

I am aware that there are people who enjoy “messy” sex as their kink.

I was, not too long ago, at dinner with friends. When one poured a mini-pitcher of au jus down the shirt of  the other (to my shocked dismay, let me add) the saucee was less dismayed by the impromptu gravy anointing as they were by the fact that a freshly inked tattoo might be impacted by the unprescribed salve.

I am familiar with this kink even though stickiness makes me want to run to a sink and wash!

I am also well aware that pretty much anything can be sexualized…

I wonder at how something as specific as a girl stuck to something becomes fetishized….a hot summer day…sidewalk…gum…flash of a thigh and a whiff of sweat as a frustrated hottie struggles to detach a shoe from a melted wad of gum?

Decades later that kid is now an adult trying to recapture that moment?

 I am not sure how that happens…but part of me is glad that something that is, at its core, somehow essentially innocent can be the fulcrum of a powerful sexualized image.

In my experience, Lifestyle female Dominants are among the rarer critters in the plains and valleys of the BDSM / Leather Lifestyle Landscape.

These women are often beset by hordes of male submissives.

It sounds like an awesome proposition no? To have packs of men swooning at your feet. Who wouldn’t want to be the worshipped center of attention, with gifts and tribute flowing in from all sides? And you, on a mighty throne, elevated and surrounded by adoring legions of swooning gorgeous slavish male Adonii??

Not quite!

The grass is always greener…

I got a sneak peek into the lamer side of being a Fem Dom the other day.

Let me state & reiterate: I ‘m not a dominant. My profiles on various dating sites are clear on this.

I’m easy, though. I don’t really mind someone writing to me who maybe has missed that I’m not a dominant. Even though the little box where you indicate your preference is an easy thing to take in when perusing profiles. That is one of the first things people do, usually: verify compatibility via the person’s checklist.

So, when I get an email from a submissive, I wonder how they could have missed that.

Like this guy. Let’s call him KnockMyNuts69.

He e-mailed me thusly:

I am a very submissive male masochist that hopes you will enjoy hurting and humiliating me for your amusement. I live and work XXXXXXREDACTEDXXXXXX and often travel to SF. I hope that we can get to know each other better.

Your humble slave
KnockMyNuts69

I thought, OK, well, no. And I sent back the following message:

Greetings!

I am wondering if you read my profile…?

Thanks!

~Mollena

I received a response back, with the following….

Yes Mistress Mollena,

I have read your profile and it excites me very much. I do not really understand the part about you working for an adult website and why that would be a concern to one anonymity. But I am a submissive masochist eager to serve beautiful dominate sadistic women such as yourself. I hope we can get to know each other better.

Your humble slave
KnockMyNuts69

OK, well, then I thought, no, I do not think you did, KnockMyNuts69.

And I am not EVEN going to go into your use of the word “dominate” I’ve already ranted about that, and I am done for 2008.

I sent back this message:

It has nothing to do with my working for an adult website.

You clearly did not read my profile or you would not be addressing me as “Mistress” or approaching me to top you.

Then I did a triple take to receive this rather bizarrely scathing response to my 2-line mail:

Well I tried to read your profile but it is just SO BORING and convoluted that it is meaningless.

Let’s analize you profile … line number 1

Please take a moment to check out my blog here in ALT… XXXXXXXX  it

You blog is empty. This is the first line of your profile, what kind of impression does that make? “take a moment to check out” my empty blog.

Does your blog really give insight your “creaking smoky rusted hyena-patrolled labyrinthine workings of my internal processes”?

And will it “certainly score some points” with you? Well i read it and what do I get?

I could go on and on but this way to BORING. Oops did I get to the point too fast … should I of said it is way to … blue colored, grainy, fuzzy, unclear, obtuse, tedious, long-winded, self-important, ponderous, did I say tedious, un-compelling, uninspiring, pretentious, pointless, demotivating, superfluous, lame, and just way too long.

YAWN my I am grouchy tonight. maybe that’s because i am tried of this boring crap

Nice.

Well, he has one point. The link on my profile goes to my previous blog on that site, however I left that link there for the benefit for those who might have had that previous blog hotlinked.

But whatever.

That subtlety would be outside of the interest of this individual.

Good luck finding a partner, dude.

Is it me, or is this just mean for no fucking reason?? I am tickled to have gone from very exciting to exceedingly boring in one fell swoop…whatever shall I do???

Dom women, you have my empathy.

Yeah, I sometimes forget to say “Hey, that fucking ruled!” when something fucking rules.

So I belatedly wish to give a shout out to those awesome ass-kicking Kinksters living amidst the south-west sandstorms, sunsets, snakes and succulents.

APEX? Word, yo.

Firstly to Red for her invitation and ease of negotiation. Red, ya kick ass. Keep on keeping on. Secondly to my magnanimous, magnificent hostess, Slave Tina. Spending time with her was finding old Soul Family. It is a humbling leap of faith to have a stranger in your home, and to provide care and support for them. She not only made me feel welcome, but gave me space when I just needed to curl up and nudged me when I needed to get up an out and let my hair down. Tina, you were beyond a home-stay, you made it feel like a homecoming. My most effusive words cannot fully express how much I was humbled and honored to be your guest.

APEX has a wonderful dungeon space, with welcoming energy, and I simply cannot say enough about how well I was treated, and with so much warmth and acceptance by the folks there.

I had a handful of attendees for the long-form class I taught, end even though I tend to be paradoxically horribly stage-affrighted when talking about kink in such an intimate group, I was as comfortable as if I was with friends of many years.

Thanks to Board Members Oden, for his warm welcome and for getting me in trouble by making me late for my own class, and Lady Joy, for her support and smile.

Thanks to the Church’s Chicken Lunch Crew, because damn. Sometimes a sister just needs some fucking fried chicken, yo!

Those calls of gratitude are, of course, also for the staffers and volunteers who put themselves out there. There were many of y’all who I met and who made me smile or think in ways for which I am eternally grateful. Don’t want to violate attendee confidentiality but you know who you are. Out yourselves here if you like!

You have a really solid strong and vibrant community in the arid, beautiful desert lands, APEX.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

~Mollena