Just got off of the phone with my Mom, and listened as she opened the package that has been sitting and silently holding the little secret gift I’d ordered weeks ago, so that I wouldn’t forget. She seemed to really like the gift: 4 little hand-crafted silver pendants with the initial of each of her 3 daughters, one for her granddaughter and a bird-shaped pendant that said “Mom” and “Grandmother” on it. Apparently Moms LOVE shit like this. I’m just glad to be able to bring a smile to her face.

“I don’t understand it,” my Mother said.

“I don’t entirely understand it either, Mom,” I replied, sitting on the edge of my bed, phone cradled to my ear as I fiddled with the enormous stack of papers that always threatened to bury me under its formidable bulk “there is a lot that no one really knows. But I’ll do my best to tell you what I know.”

“OK,” my Mom sighed, “can you tell me why you do it? Avoiding pain seems like a natural thing. But you don’t do that. You seek it out on purpose? Why would you do that?”

I stretched my feet into the patch of sun that was warming the hardwood floors in my flat, nudging one of my cats out of the way in the process. I took a deep breath.

“That’s a great question, Mom. And you’re lucky that your firstborn happens to be the kind of pervert who runs around talking to people about exactly this kind of shi¬— ¬stuff. So, I can tell you what I’ve learned about myself in the past few years…” (more…)

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

WINNERS ANNOUNCED FOR NLA-I WRITING AWARDS 

(Columbus, OH) — National Leather Association: International, a leading organization for activists in the pansexual SM/leather community, announced the winners, for works published in 2011, of its annual awards for excellence in SM/leather/fetish writing at its Annual General Meeting at Tribal Fire in OklahomaCity, OK on May 6, 2012. The judges received a record number of nominations this year, and voting in most categories was quite close.

The winner of the John Preston Short Fiction Award is Laura Antoniou for “The Man with the Phoenix Tattoo,” which appeared in Tristan Taormino (ed.), Take Me There.

The honorable mention for short story went to Jeff Mann for ”Jeff and Sam: After the Concert,” which appeared in Shane Allison (ed.), Brief Encounters: 69 Hot Gay Shorts.

The winner of the Samois Anthology Award is Rachel Kramer Bussel, Surrender: Erotic Tales of Female Pleasure and Submission (Cleis). The honorable mention also went toRachel Kramer Bussel for Best Bondage Erotic2012 (Cleis), which reprinted a number of great bondage stories.

The winner of the Pauline Reage Novel Award is Jeff Mann for his first novel, Fog: A Novel of Desire and Reprisal (Bear Bones Books). The honorable mention went to Cecilia Tan for The Prince’s Boy: Volumes 1 & 2 (Circlet).

The winner of the Cynthia Slater Non-fiction Article Award is Mollena Williams for “Tables Briefly Turned, ” which appeared in her blog at: http://www.mollena.com. The honorable mention went to Jack Fritscher for “Leather’s Burning Man: The History of the Folsom Street Fair, which appeared in the Bay Area Reporter.

Nominations for the works published in 2012 will open later this year.

Some of you know, but most do not, how difficult it is to be a presenter in the “Alt Sex” community. Folks see me running all over the USA, Canada and Europe and assume I must be making lots of money.

Well…no.

Most conferences don’t pay speakers. Some will at least cover a hotel room and travel costs if THEY consider you to be a “big name.” Most people are happy to get into a con for free in exchange for presenting a class or two. Some of us have thrown ourselves wholesale into this madness, and want to make this our lives.

And that shit is tough.  Because most event producers see the classes as a free / cheap way to get asses in the door.

The venue has to be paid, you need to print stuff. Who can we exploit? Oh yeah…well, it is an honor to be invited to present. Get presenters to work for free.  And No please don’t lay on me that you’re a “Non-Profit.” I have drawn salaries from non-profit organizations. Being non-profit means

A nonprofit organization (NPO) is an organization that uses surplus revenues to achieve its goals rather than to distribute them as profit or dividends.

Making sure you get the very best information presented by the very best information bringers is a bloody goal. Don’t have enough money to fly in a presenter? Up your ticket price by $10. Get a sponsor to pay for the programs in exchange for banner ads.

People who host sexual lifestyle conferences and do not pay presenters or even cover travel and lodging effectively make it impossible for working class / poor people to present. How the hell does that promote “inclusiveness?” (more…)

Next week is fucking nuts.

I am kind of settling into being back in the Bay. Getting used to being in the East bay, and trying to not feel like I’m drowning. Mostly I am succeeding. Some days it is all I can do to get up before I absolutely HAVE to, because I am afraid I won’t be able to do the shit I gotta do.

For example…

I’m doing a class on Tuesday the 8th. I’ll take a moment ot plug it: At the SF Citadel, class starts at 8:00, 363 6th Street, San Francisco CA. $20.

The class is “Graceful Exits: How to Minimize Breakup Douchebaggery.”  That’ll link you to a description.

As I’m getting my brain around the class, I’m wincing a bit to realize that my commitment ot speaking from the heart of my own experience means that I have to open up sealed pots in my soul to properly access information so that I can do what I do when I “teach,” which is essentially break apart my experiences into manageable bits and share it with the people.

For better and for worse, I’m still in the process of processing the ending of my relationship with The Dominant Guy. Long-distance relationships have their own flavor of dissolution trauma. And I’m finding that the pot isn’t sealed on that particular relationship. I’m much better than I was in February, and I’m better than I was last week. It is an ongoing process. And I’m owning it as best I  can. But hey boy howdy do I get that uncomfortable prickle in my sinuses when I think about speaking on it in front of people.

But I always love teaching, and it would be nice to see folks there.

(more…)

Someone wrote an article about having herpes. While I am glad that the discussion is happening, the opening paragraph bugged me.

Upon re-reading this article, something that nagged at me nagged me further. The author opens with

“We were naked. He was hard. I’d always considered this moment the best time to disclose, because rejection seemed less likely when the possibility of a good lay was hot-breath close. Though maybe once we’re naked, it’s too late.”

Fucking uncool.

(more…)

How cute is the heart-shaped clasp?!?

I walked out of the Planned Parenthood office armed with a bag containing several dozen condoms, six months’ worth of Progestogen only birth control pills, a small bottle of lube and a package containing some pulls commonly known as “Plan B.” Those last I was provided “just in case’ and I was carefully instructed on how to use them.  In light of the horrific erosion of the reproductive rights of women in America I felt fierce, empowered and fabulous as I strolled into the foggy late-morning sun in El Cerrito, CA.

Of course, when ‘m feeling fierce and empowered and am looking forward to an intriguing play date, I do what any superawesome submissive does.

I strolled into PetCo to collar shop.

What?

OK so anyone who knows me knows I don’t usually play in scene with collars. I’ve got a “thing” about it. I have a lot of fetishization around collars as symbols.

I’ve recently realized that I want to have the ability to have my play incorporate that symbol without it eviscerating me. SO when my date for Friday expressed in interest in dipping his feet into the power exchange pool, I thought about the collar less as a MASSIVE EPIC SYMBOL OF SLAVERY and more as a very succinct and tangible way to demarcate the beginning, duration and withdrawal from a dominant / submissive dynamic.

I wanna play, too.

A cheap pet store collar would be the way to go. I found a silver lamé number that matches my current manicure. Idly, I thought about some sort of leash, to follow the pampered pet theme, but nothing in the PetCo appealed to me.  I don’t usually see myself as a fancy pet kind of slave, so I felt adding a bit of distance would help me keep the evening in perspective. (more…)

“You will be my date at a private party, and sleeping over that night.”

While I had been previously asked about my availability for Friday evening, his follow-up text message caught me a bit by surprise. Usually, when making plans,  people ask me what I’d like to do, or offer suggestions for what we might find mutually enjoyable. His announcement of our plans for the evening, including a dungeon party, was a siren song for a recently dormant part of myself that has been dreaming with Cthulhu for the past few months.

A surprising reflex kicked in and I watched, bemused, as my fingers texted

“Think about if you would like to negotiate my being in service to you for the date. I haven’t done that in many years and i think you’d be an excellent choice.”

He is intrigued, and a bit nervous at the prospect, and we make plans to talk about what that would look like.

I am on a low-level simmer.

I am freaking out because I left all but 2 waist-cinchers and my IMsL vest back in New York.

And I wonder if I can do this…make this gesture…take back my submission and offer it to someone else.

…to be continued.

You're hearing it in that synthesized voice and you're giggling, I know this.

I got a notification today on several responses to a post I’d written a little while ago. You can see it here. I wasn’t surprised” sometimes people dig though to older stuff.

I WAS surprised when I pulled up my @ page and saw that someone was asking me if I’d posted someone else’s work. Said she’s seen it, almost verbatim, on someone else page. ALMOST because she changed The Dominant Guy’s name and swapped out Vi’s name and changed the name of the event. Then another sharp-eyed FetLifer pointed out that this other person’s post post-dated mine by a couple of months.

Oh. Hell. No. (more…)

Vincent & Mia

Welcome to e[lust] - The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #36? Start with the newly updated rules, come back May 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ Top 3 ~

Strangers in a bar

Dealing with Abuse in Our Communities

Special Request

~ Featured Post (Picked by Lilly) ~

What Keeps Us Going

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Sex Toy Journalism: Seeking the Truths of Silicone via Flame Testing and Confronting Manufacturers – Why flame test? “Pure” silicone, be it food grade or medical grade, shouldn’t melt or deform under the heat of an open flame from a disposable lighter or match – a fact you’ll see demonstrated in the video (more…)