I need approval.

Someone patting me on the head and giving me that “Good Girl.” Can melt away the thickest glacier of self-loathing and dissolve the greasiest oil-slick of self-imposed reflexive hatred. I clearly recall, with fondness, having resentment, anger, self-pity, even rage, wiped away by my dominant telling me how good job I was doing, how proud they were of me.

It doesn’t take much, really.

I recently realized that I set myself up for fail by blaming myself for having needs. Oh yeah, when I first became involved in the BDSM community I was carefully groomed to prepare to shed ego, desire, personal needs and, ultimately, to find my complete fulfillment in service to another.

I believed that the only way to be truly in service (in the Highest form of service, of course, because who wants to be less than the BEST….?) The HIGHEST form of service was to become the Empty Vessel, into which the dominant or owner may pour their will, creating with you a perfect and beautiful servant. An agent of their whims and desires and needs.

That was, of course, what I wanted. To be the purest awesomest, the best.

But I have, since then, discovered a few problems with this ideal. (more…)

An outrageous tea party is hitting the ground on SUNDAY February 21st!

Tea! Tea demos! Bondage! Bondage Demos! Silent auction! Loud-Ass auction! Celebrity Guests! RUBBER CHICKEN SPANKINGS!

Divas and Deviants all mixing it up to help raise funds for LYRIC, The Transgender Law Center Crowded Fire Theater Company and

the Ms. SF Leather Travel Fund!

Watch this space for details!

Not Yo’ Mama’s Tea Party!

Sinday February 21st

The Austin Law Group

Law Office of Shannan K. Rapoport

799 Castro Street San Francisco, CA

2:00 PM ~ 6:00 PM

Stay tuned!!

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I am deeply honored and delighted to have been invited to present and share at the Leather Leadership Conference XIV this April 9th-11th , in Detroit, Michigan! I am sure some of you will be in attendance, but I know that not everyone can do so.

I’m asking for your input, you thoughts, and your experiences.

I am presenting two classes that deal with the intricacies of being a “minority” and also a part of the BDSM and Leather Communities.  I have, in my years, spoken to hundreds of people on these topics, and I certainly enjoy incorporating folk’s experiences in my presentations.

If you’d like to share you story, your thoughts and feelings, please click on the “contact me” form on the upper right, and sound off! The good, the bad, the ugly and the downright WTF Hilarious, I want them all. When responding, please affirm that you agree to let me relay your story in part or in its entirety, and whether or you you wish to be specifically credited or remain anonymous.

Please spread the word! (more…)

Yeah, welcome to my newest post…where I encourage you to LEAVE my blog and go read someone else’s.

While a Top and a bottom in BDSM experience different stress triggers and excitements, both produce body responses that brain must process and recover from. Whether it is a physical scene or a psychological one, the top receives pleasure while exerting emotional and mental control while the bottom produces chemical reactions to protect from the full effects of the treatment they are receiving.

~Saynine, in “Drop and Aftercare: a Discussion“

A remarkable post from my buddy Saynine, wherein he gathers thoughts and opinions from people and goes all reporterish and shit.

It is  really well-balanced and thoughtful meditation on something we can take for granted, and that is aftercare, and how it can lead to “post scene ‘drop’”

SO check it out! And tell him I said “Wasuuuuuup?!?”

I am so excited I am beyond words.

I’ve been asked to pose for the poster for the Folsom Street Fair 2010.

Throw confetti on me!

Welcome to e[lust] - your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #7? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Exposing My Self to Airport Security - I stared right at her until she looked away and called for assistance for a pat-down search.  I gaped, chin dropped: holy shit, they’re gonna give me a pat down cuz I’m packing a silicon cock.

Prefect’s Prerogative - When I neglect this duty, or don’t perform it to his satisfaction, he makes me light a fire in his room, and stand in front of it in just my school shirt and white socks.

Attention Women: There is Something Wrong With Your Vagina - Yes, that’s what your vagina needs: a breath mint. Because, just like vagina shouldn’t smell like vagina, it also shouldn’t taste like vagina.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

The Perfect Fat – Why do clothes designers assume that if you’re plus-sized you’re 1. over 5′9″ and 2. over the age of 45 or “matronly and modest”? At the age of 32 I am not yet ready to dress like my grandmother.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Zipless - “I have some Scotch in my room—maybe you’d join me? You know, in the interest of not drinking alone…” She smiled. Perhaps she could yet salvage the day’s ending.

See also: Pleasurists #61 for all your sex toy review needs.
Also in recent sex news, check out the coverage of the Adult Entertainment Expo that happened in Las Vegas a couple weeks ago. You’ll see videos and articles from our fellow sex-bloggers on fun things like a rodeo penis and new sex toys not even on the market yet!

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Q: What tips do you think all submissives need to hear, in your experience?

from formspring.me … courtesy of Nadia West

Take. Your. Time.
BDSM isn’t going anywhere. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone, and waiting is just fine. Plunging in headfirst is awesome, until it isn’t. Think of it this way: sure, the first dominant who wants to tie you up and beat you might be awesome. But the 9th dominant you meet might be a better match, and if the first one puts you off your path, or is a jerk, and you say “Wow, I wish I’d waited until I had more time to vet people!” you can’t undo that shit.

Trust Your Gut.
Being kinky shouldn’t reset a lifetime of experiences. If something doesn’t feel right, and you hear “OH, but that’s just how it is done!” then fuck how it is done. You are here to get your needs met, not to walk blindly into something just because someone else says it is so.

Make friends.
Make friends with other submissives. Make friends with switches. Make friend with tops and doms. And I mean platonic friends. People who aren’t out to get in your pants. Folks you can trust for feedback, who are connected in the community, who don’t have ulterior motives for telling you things that might not be in your best interest.

Read everything with a grain of salt.
I don’t care who the fuck said it or wrote it. (more…)

As many of you know, upon my being awarded the Title Ms. San Francisco Leather, it became part of my Titleholder responsibility to represent San Francisco in the International Ms. Leather Competition.

Since 2009 was the first Ms. San Francisco Leather contest in a decade, this is a very exciting and somewhat daunting run I have ahead of me. I am SO grateful to everyone who has extended the hand of help, and am appealing to folks to help us bring the title Back to the Bay! (more…)

Go ahead.

Seduce me. (more…)

“When you’re feeling down or just run down, is there a favorite comfort food you tend to crave? And why?”

~ButchtasticKyle

Have you listened to Double Meat (http://www.doublemeatpodcast.com)? I hear that it’s THE podcast for women who want to be “spit roasted” by 2 fat nerds. Also, how’s my hair look today?

~Sasha Pixlee

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