Mar 142014
 

Seven years ago today, I was in rehab, on about six different medications to try to keep me alive but sedated so I wouldn’t have seizures. Because roughly 10% of alcoholics who stop drinking cold turkey are killed by brain seizures.

I was ashamed and terrified but determined to try to live.

I met my demon that first night, and we ave grown so much since then.

I had a dream about a tattoo of that date. My counselor told me it was a bad idea. “First-timers relapse within the first year at the rate of over 75%. You don’t want that reminder when it is important to you to continue to focus on your recovery.”

Well of course that only made me more determined and I said “I will not relapse. But if I DO and I somehow survive that I’ll go back, get an X through this date and get the next one below it. And the next. As many as it takes.”

But I like this one just fine.

Today is seven years later and the shock of abundance & joy in my life grows daily.

Thank you to the friends who stuck around…and the ones who did not.

Thank you to my owner, for showing me the miracles are still happening.

Feb 162014
 

rose Photo courtesy of Sex with Rose

Welcome to e[lust] - The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #56? Start with the rules, come back March 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Why I Post Nude Photos (and blog about sex)
Discovering Myself Through My Strap-On
Sex Toy Shaming and Bigoted Wise Cracks, FTW!

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Aftercare and BDSM Play
Two worlds

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Erotic Fiction

Continue reading »

Jan 162014
 

Photo courtesy of Gritty Woman

Welcome to e[lust] - The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #55? Start with the rules, come back February 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

How children will break UK Internet filters.
Submissive, Not Passive
When Sex and Disabilities Collide

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Tribute to a Selfie
The Pawn

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Women write about sex shocker!

Continue reading »

Jan 142014
 
Namaste Exhale

Namaste, namaste!

I am superfucking picky about reviewing shit, endorsing stuff, reviewing toys, permitting advertising on my site…all that shit. Why? because I’m lazy. Yep. I often do not wanna do the work it takes to vet people, places and things for inclusion on my site.

(That’l likely change soon, because I need to monetize this fucker. Bandwidth don’t pay for itself!)

However, in this case, I’m-a straight up plug & push a retreat that is being created by a woman I love and respect very much.

When I say I don’t look up to many people in the Leather Lifestyle, people assume it is because I’m a snobby asshole. OK point. But the MAIN reason is that my heart & soul can REALLY only “look up” to people who resonate with me on a number of levels . One of the basic levels is a woman who identifies as powerful, who is submissive, and identifies as a slave and is also Black.

So, you can see why the field is fucking narrow. Continue reading »

Jan 122014
 

2014-01-10 01.30.17-1I was more anxious than happy when I received an IM from The Composer. It was the middle of the night for him, and he had responded to one of my e-mails letting me know he was only up for a bit and was going to sleep once he was done working. The anxiety stemmed from the fact that my message was less than cheery. I’m dealing with (yet more) dental issues and navigating Medicaid to get the care I need isn’t as simple a thing as one would hope. Being from Europe, the vagaries of our healthcare system are opaque to him, and being a poor kid, I careen wildly between irrationally ragey and then panicked reactions when I have to even TALK about this shit. Let alone do the research and phone calls and make appointments only to be told no, sorry, YOUR particular brand of poor folks healthcare isn’t the RIGHT kind of poor folks health care so just take your poor ass somewhere else, poor person.

But I digress. Continue reading »

Jan 072014
 

IMAG0140_1 (1)Sometimes I don’t realize what I’m missing until I have it. Experiencing The Composer‘s pride & delights in my achievements brought to the fore of my thoughts today the fact that my previous dominants seemed very much to focus on making certain my achievements were put into “proper perspective.” Underscoring that I was no better than the other people in their lives, to make sure that I was reduced enough as to not be perceived as a threat to these other women.  After a lifetime of being told I was gifted, talented, special, of working against some pretty skewed odds as a Black girl in the USA, the idea of being reminded that I was “not any better than anyone else” hit me at a root level I’m still unraveling and excavating. I am sure I will unearth more layers as I explore this old ache. Continue reading »

Jan 012014
 

Skidding into the end of a year that was, on balance, more emotionally difficult than not, and rough on my relationships I held dear.

Amidst the usual online dating fails, I received a message on December 19th. Respectful with a little bit of zest, acknowledging he was a bit older than I’d initially indicated I sought, but selling me on the fact he has an accent…it was intriguing enough to get me to respond. According to OKCupid, we were a 92% match…which is pretty fucking unusual. A successful composer, newly relocated to NYC from Europe, looking for a BDSM oriented relationship…well, fuck it. Let’s see how this goes.

How it goes…well. Continue reading »

Dec 192013
 

Long time no casting, podpeople! We are jumping back in with a swingin’ sack of new episodes!

whipping creamThis funky fresh epi deals with random stuff, the importance of brownies when I have to placate an angry uterus, and the finer points of culinary torture.

Would YOU, as a sadist, force someone to consume a food that would make them sick,  just to watch ‘em suffer? Would you, as a masochist, or as a submissive, consent to such an unusual “scene?”  The Heavy Cream Scenario offers a fascinating jumping-off point for discussing the limits a lactose intolerant Negress such as myself might have to impose with negotiation with The Lazy Sadist. Continue reading »

Dec 172013
 

Rope-Tree-Feature-Image Photo courtesy of Kinketc

Welcome to e[lust] - The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #54? Start with the newly updated rules, come back January 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Do Not Consent
Found poem – UR so SXY
Kink is not a dirty word!

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Being not doing; a thought about labels.
Take It For Daddy

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*

Continue reading »