Jan 082016

PD-paddle-shotMollena Speaks


the “Prime Directive

Date & Time: Saturday, January 09, 2016 · 6:00 PM – 8:00 PM  
Tampa Bay Phoenix Club

12850 91st Street North, Largo, FL 33773   @ map

Cost: Free!
Dress code: Street-legal/casual.

The Tampa Bay Phoenix Club is pleased to have Mollena presenting on the “Prime Directive” and power exchange relationships. She is a nationally-known presenter, and this is one you won’t want to miss!

Dec 312015
Before the end of the year and I am finished packing my owner/s suitcase. I have a particular system, as one might when packing and unpacking bits and pieces of one’s life around the country and all over Europe has fallen into the realm of the quotidian.
Or at least a couple of times a month.
Packing cubes have saved (the shredded, desperate wind and time torn tatters of) my sanity and I can count out the number i need with a sightless hand in the basket where they are stored. One smaller pouch for 10 pairs of socks, another for 10 underpants, 10 undershirts in another, pants for work and relaxing in their own container. A light jacket, two swearers, 3 button-down shirts and 2 turtlenecks in a garment bag, folded in half as to minimize wrinkles. Into the suitcase goes an addict’s tools: a portable Nespresso (one of two, because we need one that runs on USA as well as EU currents) and sufficient pods to facilitate the caffeine addict’s daily drug dose. Into the suitcase also go the gifts for his youngest offspring, with whom he will be visiting as well as the games that they play together while he is with her.
Packed and weighed to insure that it is under the weight limit, I add in some slippers, just in case his feet get cold.
He returns to the bedroom, smiles as he sees me stuffing the last of the shirts into the last of the pouches.
“Dahling. Thank you. I can feel the love you give me.”
His consideration of the reality of service as love and erotic fulfillment is still new.
When we were in Europe, we had a wonderful series of private sessions with my friend Rebecca Lowrie, a sexuality and intimacy coach and…healer, really. We were with her to talk about some of the Stuff we are working on in our relationship. Too much to mention here but we have, my owner and I, very different experiences of our sexual histories.
Deborah Addington How has your perspective on service, as an act that nurtures your Spirit, shifted over time? Do you experience embodied differences in where/how you feel the Eros of service in your flesh?
Dec 182015

Many of us have been there. Doing the online dating thing. I am in the unique position of not only having perused just about all online dating formats available in the past couple of decades, but I have my roots in the primordial soup of online dating: newspaper ad dating. Before that? I’d even spent a couple of years working as an operator (read: decoy)  for “The One Line” (remember Party Lines, oldbies?!?).  My last desk job?  Working as a content slave for the FriendFinder empire. I have an advanced degree in online hookupery and profile-fu. SO believe me, I have been around the block, over the block, poked through the sewers under the block…I got it down.

From personal ads in the L.A. Weekly on to Craig’s List Casual Encounters, I have seen and done so many much. Despite endless, ready hookups and even one or two fun, moderately successful relationships, I never found the person who was fully ready to commit and who was thrilled by the possibility of an ongoing, monoamorous relationship.

“So, Mollena.” you well might ask, “why the FUCK did you keep doing that shit even when it was so rife with fail?”

GOOD Question! You can select any number and combination of the following:

  1. I’m a closeted sunny fucking romantic optimist.
  2. SOME luck is more than NO luck and it don’t take much to keep this bitch hunting!
  3. I’d seen other people have success.
  4. It gave me the feeling of being an active agent in orchestrating my destiny.

And I had enough fun flings, good times, and epic adventures to keep me tending those sketchy-ass virtual Lobster Pots of Love for years. Even the most miserable failed hook-up was rewarded with a prime chance to bitch to the world about it and wind up featured in the “Best of Craig’s List!

Until I decided that I was tired, that the last series of slaps and digs and faceplants was a sign for me to chill the fuck out, and I had a serious conversation with Ganesha in the shower in the dark one night.

Then sometime late on December 19, 2013, two years ago today, I opened OKCupid, read a few dead threads, scoped the suggested matches, and opened the following message.


Continue reading »

Dec 182015
You have us kinky folks to thank for this, folks. You're welcome.

You also have us kinky folks to thank for this too, people. You’re welcome.

Before you read this, please consider taking a moment to see what has already been hashed out here and there on Race Play. I have gathered a list of links that should help you get some bearings on my previous forays into this topic!

Back in 2009, in the throes of a sticky Twitter frenzy over Ciara writhing around with JT while occasionally wearing a collar and leash, I was hit up by Andrea Plaid, writer from the most excellent Racialicious.  Of course there were obvious issues. Yet again, a white man being catered to by a hypersexualised and objectified Black woman. And the obvious humiliation of being treated like an animal, on a leash. Plenty of fodder for ire. And I get it. On the other hand, as someone who identifies as sexually submissive, and a fetishist when it comes to unequal power dynamics, my take on it is different.

I watched the video from the perspective of fluffy entertainment. It was nothing groundbreaking. Then I considered the fact that we, as Black women, are often expected to carry the weight of history such that even expressing our sexuality must be an act scrubbed clean of anything that might resemble non-consensuality. Furthermore, the idea that we are aware of and deliberately choosing to express ourselves as sexually liberated is fraught because we can’t possibly escape the crushing jaws of institutionalised racism. Any Black Woman who would agree to submit, as fantasy or even for a few minutes in a music video, must be a self-hating Negro who needs to have her Mama sit her down right now and talk some damn sense into her. Continue reading »

Dec 152015

12248763_10153790739566081_787317437_nIt had been years of me trying to get up to Toronto for the Playground Sexuality Conference. After much arm twisting and bullying, Canadian style (which of course means people saying shit like “It’s be great to see you up here, eh?”) time and tides finally made it happen. I was invited to give a keynote, and since I would be travelling with my Spousemeister, we decided to co-present ourselves for the evening.

As it was, Der Spousemeister had a little thing called “Morgen und Abend” opening at a little place called the Royal Opera House the night after the conference opened, meaning that if we hauled ass pretty much right after the show closed, we could make it.

Not knowing exactly how grueling the week before this little excursion would be, what with two lectures in two countries and a gangbang in a third all within four days…and having NO IDEA I’d be spending three weeks persuading my beloved husband-and-owner to not commit brutal acts of throatpunchicide upon the surly, disrespectful and inept conductor and/or the divotastic and bemusingly temperamental non-singing performer in the opera, I blithely booked this thinking “OK great, we are international jet setters! We can totally do this!”

And we did it, but man were we fucking tired. SO, here ’tis! Most of it was captured on video.

Big shouts out to Samantha for making Playground totally worth it, even for one night. And to my homie JP Robichaud, for keeping me in the running. (We’ll get it together for that podcast one of these days, bro…I just need to find us a producer to do the grunt work!)

Dec 122015

Two years ago today I was feeling…depressed. Laid low after a failed attempt at a book / teaching tour, I was doing that thing where you TAKE STOCK OF YOUR LIFE  and was not sanguine about current status reports.

Being back in NYC thanks to the courtesy of the generosity of The Evil Jewish Lesbian Landladies and my own madness was a gift​, yet I was dogged by the knowledge that this was not a permanent situation. I’d had several decent writing gigs that had all evaporated within the past year, and that made paying even my modest bills impossible. Furthermore, I was almost through the money I’d saved while working for FriendFinder Networks, and that weighed heavily on me as well. 

And I was lonely. Even finding play-dates was hard. I’d work up the nerve to ask someone to play, and almost inevitably there would be some reason it wouldn’t come to fruition. Or I’d finally have a long-awaited play-date, and the person involved would make it abundantly clear this was not going to lead to a longer-term or more sustained connection. I was sure there had to be something wrong with me, despite copious evidence to the contrary. I was still making what felt like an unbelievably futile effort to find a partner despite knowing deep down I never would.

Jai Ganesha...!In the shower, in the dark, (what, you don’t shower with the lights out? You really should try it. It is amazing) in the middle of the night, I had a long talk with my higher power. About fear, about disappointment. About the mad leap of faith I’d taken to move back home and try to live life as an educator under the banner of Alternative Sexuality. Continue reading »

Sep 242015

downloadThe universe has turned everything on its head, and  my wonderful owner, Georg Friedrich will marry me on September 25th. Some folks have asked about us being registered for the wedding, and I’ve dragged my feet on it because I am shy about these kinds of things. Shyness aside, this house slave would love fun gifts for our newlywed celebration, and we are touched and grateful that people wish to participate in the cerebration in this way!

Those who would like to peruse our Amazon Wedding Registry may do so here. We add random stuff at random so check back in a few days if you’re all like “Whatever!” at what you see! And hey, gift cards are always welcome.

If you are less inclined to give gifts, we are also helping the Temple Beth Emeth v’Ohr Progressive Shaari Zedek upgrade the sound system in their sanctuary! Our dear friend, Rabbi Heidi Hoover, not only officiated our collaring but her Synagogue is welcoming us into their sacred space to conduct our wedding. No, we aren’t converts to Judaism….however we have a connection to and respect for a people who would welcome us into their midst with such love and warmth.

Those who wish to make a donation can use my gMail account under Mojogoddess to do so. tn the memo field please put “DONATION To Temple Beth Emeth’s Sound System” and indicate if you need a receipt for tax purposes!

LiveStreaming will be available as well!


The wedding begins at 1:00PM EDT, but the stream will likely be live before then.  The Password will be posted as a “Friends Only” post on Facebook, so if you are friends with either the Groom or Bride, you’ll have access!

Periscope will ALSO be available! Download and install the app (https://www.periscope.tv/). You must follow user viviane212. As the feed will be private, you must follow her and she will follow you back

Thank you, friends. Your love and support and wonderful happy energy lifts us up.

Aug 162015

I have some brilliant and talented friends, not the least of whom is the award-winning and world-renowned photographer Michele Serchuk. She’s simply wonderful in every aspect of photography, from brainstorming themes, moods and ideas to keeping the atmosphere on-set focused yet fun.  When she approached me about her latest project, which was a photographic series on personal fetishes, I was totally down.

Since my main “thing” is service, that part was easy. Then came the question…how the fuck does one SHOW that?!? My service to him as Muse, as sex object, as chef, as personal assistant, as herd dog….so may things. But I think we managed to distill some essence.

©Michele Serchuk 2015

Continue reading »

 BDSM  Comments Off on Happy Birthday, and Service.
Jul 032015
Seriously. This is a town in Austria.
Aaah, beautiful Fucking, Austria.

One of the things I am pondering mightily is the reality of submission as it is lived vs. the hot & horny fantasy of d/s. A time ago, I went to the Center for Sex & Culture​ to see Laura Antoniou​ talk about stuff. Not many people beside myself were there, because jaded-ass San Francisco is like that. It was great for me, though, because I got to have pretty much a one-on-one conversation with someone I respect. One of the things she said about submission being put to the test when it is difficult to obey really struck a nerve. I had been struggling for a bit with my own submission, with being newly released after requesting the dissolution of a 2-year relationship, and felt like perhaps I wasn’t actually cut out for this slavery thing.

She spoke of submission not really being much of an achievement when one is only doing the stuff they wanted to do and would have done anyway even without the imperative of consensual subjugation. Is it truly an act of submission if you take thirty lashes from a whip when you are an inveterate masochist who enjoys every blow? Or is the submission more profound when pain is not erotic for you , and yet you endure it for the love or joy or pleasure or whim of your dominant? Continue reading »

Mar 062015

As International Ms Leather 2010, I weathered my own share of controversy. The IMsL 2015 has already weathered quite a bit of controversy. Those of you who have been following along on FaceBook and FetLife don’t need a rehash, but suffice to say that we’ve been waging wars on many fronts, starting with this image, which was to be the 2015 t-shirt.


I saw it as problematic FIRST and FOREMOST because your main job as IMsL / IMsBB is outreach. Kiiiinda hard to do that with a dickgun shirt. Secondly, in this climate of terrible gun violence, I thought it was insensitive to have a sexually violent image on the shirt for a women’s Leather event. This isn’t a handshake-image.

Many people thought this was true. Still others thought it a “politically-correct over-reaction.” In the ensuing debate, some really busted shit happened. People I trusted violated my trust and insulted me. Lines were drawn and the conversation got real ugly. I was accused of being a hypocrite, because I have dome edgy scenes. As if engaging in consensual BDSM role-play means I cannot stand against non-consensual violence? How that makes any sense is beyond me. But I digress… Continue reading »