Nov 052018

Swear to Ganesha if one more person grins at me at is all “But which is which?! HAHAHAHA!” I’ll gnaw their elbows.

The time is upon us! The award winning doc about this one Austrian composer and some Black woman storyteller – both of whom also are kinky – has been spreading like a big knüdly hug all over the world and finally we are cracking the seal in the USA.

NOVEMBER 11TH as part of the NY DOC Festival.

Much as I’d love to be all “AND IT’S SOLD OUT!!” of course it isn’t because these cynical ass New Yorkers are all “Yeah yeah. Perverts. I saw 16 on the Q this morning.” I’m sure there are lots of folks who would thoroughly enjoy seeing this strange relationship, hearing the stories, learning a bit about our histories and seeing me AS A CARTOON which is the best thing ever. Really.

You can get tickets here!

And if you’re coming to see the show…or if you’re seeing the show to come…you’re also invited to join us at a pre-show reception from 5:30PM – 7:30PM in the Disco at the Museum Of Sex!

Please spread the word. Even if you can’t make it, we need all the (word-of) mouth-action we can get!

Sep 232018

Los Angeles, 1993.

I was working at a pool bar that was actually an Armenian mafia front, but I did not know that yet. A co-worker invited me to her Mom's drinks all night. How could a fledging alkie resist? She casually mentioned it was absolutely the safest place to go hang out because it was a cop bar.

I looked at her like she had 3 heads and a tail.

How. How can you look at me and tell me a cop bar is safe? She assured me that, as the guest of the owner's daughter, I'd be fine. I was young enough to still have hope in these matters. So I went.

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Aug 032018

Going to Leather, Kink and BDSM events brings so much to the forefront of my mind. Most impactful are my social anxiety and the pressure I place(d) on myself to excel at everything. To be the best presenter. The most amazing bottom/sub. To be a part of one of the most memorable scenes. Once I realised my perfectionism no longer served me, it initiated a slow process of detachment.

I was thinking about how attached I’d been to the idea of being a hardcore player…an intense masochist. What we in the scene will call a “heavy bottom,” because it met my need to overachieve. Over the years, I went from loving very intense sensations and edgier play to being neutral on these to finally dreading these scenes but still doing them…because I had a reputation to uphold, dammit.But then my sobriety took over. And lying to myself was over. And selfcare took over. And the “Me” who started off enjoying physical intensity evolved to the “Me” who cares less about impressing people than about being who I am…today.

It occurred to me it ain’t just me living inside this deception, and it doesn’t just apply to the dungeon.

Life is Growth and Change. The “You” you are today is not the “You” of your childhood…and probably is not even the “You” of a few years ago. Don’t let your attachment to a previous iteration of “You”  frighten you away from your Truth.  Don’t let someone else’s attachment to a previous “You” stunt your growth, hold you back, crush your spirit.

Those attached to a previous release can enter download your upgrade or uninstall, clear their cache and get the fuck out.

You’ll find it difficult to accept the beauty of who you are becoming if you hold tight to who you were.

I have nothing to prove to anyone, and everything to gain by letting go of the need to reiterate previous versions of myself so that other folks can feel comfortable while I bleed inside.

Because being your authentic fucking self is edge-play enough, yo.

Jul 182018

This week sees the publishing of one of my True Tales in an anthology and one of my Fairy Tales in another anthology that is being RE-published!

Leather Ever After” has some amazing and brilliant stories…and I’m gonna do a thing I rarely do and toot MY horn because I am swaggeringly proud of my contribution to this particular anthology.

When approached to write a fairy tale, I was initially dubious. I am not a fan of most fairy tales, and most American versions are merely cleaned up versions of brutal European stores. The few I knew of African origin didn’t feel that close to me, and the few Black American folk tales from my youth were problematic. Like the Uncle Remus stories. And then it hit me…I would make my own fairy tale one of setting right the wrongs so often perpetrated in these stories. I remembered “Tar Baby” and the rest of my own take on it wrote itself on my heart. I am excited that it will find its way back to the world. Congrats to Sassafras on this awesome feat!


I have been telling stories for as long as I have been speaking and I have been speaking since I was about 9 months old…so we are looking at over 48 years of me running my mouth. In the tradition of the Griot, I have share my stories and the stories of those I have encountered around the world and one of my favourite outlets is definitely the RISK! podcast. Kevin Allison is a tireless advocate of the story, and has helped to give voice to hundreds of humans and their gloriously unique stories.

One of the risker types of kink in which I have participated involves race and how it informs, permeates and – wait for it – colours all of my interactions within the BDSM, Leather and kink “communities.” I’ve spoken and written quite a bit about the topic(s) and sometimes, get a bit weary of doing so. But wen Kevin asked me to recount, in detail, my experiences with race and kink, in particular a rather notorious scene in which I’d had some difficulty, I could not say no, Story is important. The more difficult and personal, the higher the stakes and the more urgent the need to share.

SO, here you go. The book version is quite a bit edited….I’d listen to the original podcast if you want The Full Monty.

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May 302018

After the first half of the summer spent running around Europe, Der Spousemeister and I get back to the funky-ass Ewe Ess of Aay and hit the road for a few events! Check me out teaching at Thunder in the Mountains or come party with us Weekend Reunion!

Come Join Us!

Der Spousemeister & I will be hanging out and having fun!

Teaching & Preaching!

Class is in Sesh!



May 282018

If you wanna get one of the last places in the upcoming intensive I’m conducting with the amazing, amazing support from Rowan at Making Love With God.

I have wanted to be able to get into the guts and soul of Power Exchange, and have more than 60-90 minutes to do so. I am so excited to have this chance! Over the 2-days we’ll look at service, power dynamics and how love brings it all together.

I am eager to explore:
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Apr 192018

Wow it has been a while…but life has many twists and turns and I am absolutely letting go of blogdeath guilt!

If you follow me on Facebook or Instagram, you’ve seen so much of our lives you’re probably up in my cheese extensively! SO you probably know that we spent a year consensually stalked by some Germans who then spent a year cobbling together a documentary about is and great balls of fire, it is hitting the documentary circuit!

Me being me, I’m wondering if it is interesting to folks at all, and if so, why. The world premier was at an international festival in Thessaloniki and the audience response was amazing. The first post-screening Q&A set a record for the longest they’d had in their 20 year history, and we broke THAT record immediately thereafter with our second screening. Next up is the Hot Docs Festival in Toronto, and we will be at the first 2 screenings, along with Beatrice and René, the filmmakers, and my dear friend Beth, our Producer.

Despite my own insecurities, I know it is important for stories to be heard and many folks see themselves in us. Older people, ft folks, people in interracial relationships, sexual minorities….we are out there and we are having full, wonderful lives and I think it is important for everyone to know what love can do.

Keep an eye out, as I am trying very hard to discipline myself to post more frequently…even if it is just a few words here and there. Even those matter.