Jan 082016
 

PD-paddle-shotMollena Speaks

on

the “Prime Directive

Date & Time: Saturday, January 09, 2016 · 6:00 PM – 8:00 PM  
Location:
Tampa Bay Phoenix Club

12850 91st Street North, Largo, FL 33773   @ map

Cost: Free!
Dress code: Street-legal/casual.
Description:

The Tampa Bay Phoenix Club is pleased to have Mollena presenting on the “Prime Directive” and power exchange relationships. She is a nationally-known presenter, and this is one you won’t want to miss!

Dec 182015
 
You have us kinky folks to thank for this, folks. You're welcome.

You also have us kinky folks to thank for this too, people. You’re welcome.

Before you read this, please consider taking a moment to see what has already been hashed out here and there on Race Play. I have gathered a list of links that should help you get some bearings on my previous forays into this topic!

Back in 2009, in the throes of a sticky Twitter frenzy over Ciara writhing around with JT while occasionally wearing a collar and leash, I was hit up by Andrea Plaid, writer from the most excellent Racialicious.  Of course there were obvious issues. Yet again, a white man being catered to by a hypersexualised and objectified Black woman. And the obvious humiliation of being treated like an animal, on a leash. Plenty of fodder for ire. And I get it. On the other hand, as someone who identifies as sexually submissive, and a fetishist when it comes to unequal power dynamics, my take on it is different.

I watched the video from the perspective of fluffy entertainment. It was nothing groundbreaking. Then I considered the fact that we, as Black women, are often expected to carry the weight of history such that even expressing our sexuality must be an act scrubbed clean of anything that might resemble non-consensuality. Furthermore, the idea that we are aware of and deliberately choosing to express ourselves as sexually liberated is fraught because we can’t possibly escape the crushing jaws of institutionalised racism. Any Black Woman who would agree to submit, as fantasy or even for a few minutes in a music video, must be a self-hating Negro who needs to have her Mama sit her down right now and talk some damn sense into her. Continue reading »

Dec 152015
 

12248763_10153790739566081_787317437_nIt had been years of me trying to get up to Toronto for the Playground Sexuality Conference. After much arm twisting and bullying, Canadian style (which of course means people saying shit like “It’s be great to see you up here, eh?”) time and tides finally made it happen. I was invited to give a keynote, and since I would be travelling with my Spousemeister, we decided to co-present ourselves for the evening.

As it was, Der Spousemeister had a little thing called “Morgen und Abend” opening at a little place called the Royal Opera House the night after the conference opened, meaning that if we hauled ass pretty much right after the show closed, we could make it.

Not knowing exactly how grueling the week before this little excursion would be, what with two lectures in two countries and a gangbang in a third all within four days…and having NO IDEA I’d be spending three weeks persuading my beloved husband-and-owner to not commit brutal acts of throatpunchicide upon the surly, disrespectful and inept conductor and/or the divotastic and bemusingly temperamental non-singing performer in the opera, I blithely booked this thinking “OK great, we are international jet setters! We can totally do this!”

And we did it, but man were we fucking tired. SO, here ’tis! Most of it was captured on video.

Big shouts out to Samantha for making Playground totally worth it, even for one night. And to my homie JP Robichaud, for keeping me in the running. (We’ll get it together for that podcast one of these days, bro…I just need to find us a producer to do the grunt work!)

San

Aug 092014
 

Doing a class for the SF Citadel this month! And Herr Meister himself will be there. How cool is THAT??!

 

“Dominance and Submission: Hot Fiction, Hotter Facts.”

 

IMG_184973794059738Wednesday, August 27, 2014 · 8:00 PM –10:00 PM Location: SF Citadel 181 Eddy St, San Francisco, CA Cost: $20 at door, $15 in advance- see link below for advanced ticket purchase Dress code: Whatever makes you comfortable!

Description: Many of us have hot fantasies of giving over control or taking charge in the bedroom. for some, these desires are so sexually charged that the lure of dominance and submission becomes . But how do you go from an egalitarian relationship to one where someone calls the shots? how do you manage to be dominant without being domineering? is it possible to be submissive without being spineless? how do you negotiate this delicate dance of power without pissing everyone off? and do we REALLY need if you’re curious about dominance and submission, or have been exploring power exchange and are looking for new insights into your play, welcome! in this class, we will explore different types of PE (Power Exchange) relationships, from top and bottom to dominant and submissive to master and slave in all of the wonderful variations! We will be covering many of the intricacies of managing these dynamics such as:

Self-exploration.

Negotiating with yourself, and with your partner(s).

Assessing Needs, Wants and Desires

Physical, Mental and Emotional Safety

Whether you’re interested in the private intimacy of bedroom play or wish to delve into the broader kink community, you’ll have a safe space to ask your questions, discuss your desires, and kick around your kinks! Bring your questions, concerns, curiosities and an open mind!

Class from 8-10pm, doors open at 7:30pm Cost: $20 at the door, $15 in advance using Purplepass: https://www.purplepass.com/sfc082714 Continue reading »

Nov 092013
 

fire and reign v1I was invited to one of my favourite Leather events last year, and was happy to say yes. I respect the way the folks at Leather Reign do business, and I salute the honor they did me in inviting me to speak to their guests.  When they invited me to speak at their dinner, I was happy to say yes.

Then I spent the next nine months gently freaking out about what I was gonna say. I do not, for myself. enjoy delivering pre-written speeches. For me, as an actor, it becomes me delivering a monologue, and while it is a deeply effective means of communicating ideas, I feel more centered when I can stand before my People and let the things that need to be said manifest in that moment, and flow.

I feel I managed to do that tonight, and I offer my humblest gratitude to the Leather Reign folks for honoring me with a very sacred trust.  Continue reading »

Oct 232013
 

I’ll be hitting Chicago & Toronto, and debuting a new class to boot! So what’s that all aboot?
Glad ya asked!

I have a FREE class in Chicago, Three classes at Come As You Are in Toronto and I’m s-q-u-e-e-z-i-n-g in two additional class sessions, one of which is a world premier! Get in on this, man! Continue reading »

 Education  Comments Off on Ending-in-O in Chicago & Toronto, yo!
Oct 072013
 
Bonus freebie? Don't be a dickhead.

Bonus freebie? Don’t be a dickhead.

There is no one rulebook for how to do this thing we call BDSM, Power-Exchange, Master/Slave relationships, etc., etc. One of the things I most enjoy about perverts is our limitless capacity to forge our own damn path, thank you very much! I’ve done a lot of weed-whacking through the jungles of kink in order to find ways that work for me.

I have observed many successful and many more unsuccessful forays into power exchange relationships. And I can report back with a few nuggets of wisdom on which you can nibble as you see fit. You may even dunk the wisdom nuggets in the sauce of sagacity. Whatever.

And yeah, the fact is, all of these can be applied to you regardless of which side of the slash is yours. Top or bottom, dominant or submissive, master or slave, owner or owned, you can twist these tips around to suit you. Think of them as launch pads, if you will, for your own explorations and discussions.

Yeah yeah, I know each and every one of you D-Types are special snowflake lone Alpha-wolves, running along the dark paths of kink , howling at the moon, sniffling the tender flesh of nubile submissives, and doin’ your own thang. Respect. Mad props to ya. But keep in mind? With power comes responsibility. You can call the shots all you want. But without humility, discipline and flexibility, it’s not likely you’ll be the boss of anyone for very long.

Over my years involved in kink circles, I’ve noticed that some dominant-types take pride in not taking advice from anyone, insisting that they make the rules and it is the responsibility of the submissive to adjust themselves and adhere to their world-view. And ultimately, yes: the master masters, and the slave slaves. But without negotiation, compromise and compassion? The stage is set for breakdowns, conflict and the corrosion of resentment.

Feel free to add your own off-the-cuff recommendations and thoughts of helpful hints in the comments! I’m always looking to hear what works for other kinksters!

Insist on having your submissives tell you what is really going on for them…and listen without defensiveness.

It can be amazingly difficult for us submissive types to open up on tough things. One of the ways that you, as the one in charge, can facilitate a safe space is to not only let us let you know where we are emotionally, but to make it our responsibility to do so. If you create safe space, encourage and insist upon hearing the feedback, keep it flexible; being encouraging and supportive means that the lines of communication are healthy and open and strong. Continue reading »

Jul 252013
 

polyamory_is_wrong_tshirtOnce again, I’m irritated into action.

I see a lotta lotta poly types leveling-up their stamina by taking swings at monogamy, and monoamorous people.

Not a fan.

Mind you, there are plenty of polyfolks who do NOT engage in this bullshit. My excellent friend Cunning Minx, a big time advocate of poly, is so awesome as to have me on her show, not just once but twice, specifically to talk about being a monogamous person navigating the overwhelmingly polysaturated BDSM / Kink / Leather Confederacies. The Lovely and amazing Anita Wagner, an excellent crossover educator, came to one of my classes on monogamy in the scene years ago and we’ve been friends ever since, because of her eloquent refutation of these dismissive attitudes so prevalent among poly folks.

Recently, I saw a post on FB that went like this: Continue reading »

Jun 242013
 

I was recently asked by a publication for some quick tips and advice for couples interested in exploring BDSM to kink up bedroom play. I doubt the journalist will use the entirety of what I wrote…space constraints and all…but these three points are, I feel important for those just dipping their toes into the wild & wonderful world of BDSM. Here’s my quick-n-dirty recommendations for new explorers!

Ready To Write!

For couples thinking about exploring BDSM (that’s Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism) the first thing you want to do is talk about consent. Everyone involved in the interaction has to be in it to win it, and enthusiastically consenting to and in agreement with anything you are going to do. Consent is at the core of BDSM, and making sure you both are ready, willing and able to participate in your chosen kinks is vital to a hot and healthy interaction.

Take it slow.

Sharing your kinky fantasies can feel risky. SO much so, lots of folks don’t even bother to try for fear of seeming “weird” or risking rejection. Nothing ventured, nothing gained! Sharing a sexy, kinky book, movie or story that’s captured your fancy with your partner is more likely to draw them out of their shell than running in the house with a leather mask, handcuffs and whips and announcing “ITS BONDAGE NIGHT, BABY!” Trying a role-play where one person assumes power over the other (Let’s say the captured Prince is at the mercy of the vengeful queen, or the confident CEO suddenly finds herself swooning and at the mercy of her handsome Administrative Assistant!) allows you to step back a bit into a playful head-space that gives you room to inhabit a character that fulfills your desires and explore your fantasies. Many people find role-playing frees them from shame (“Hey, it wasn’t ME wriggling and pleading for mercy…it was the naughty cop!”) and relaxes you enough to explore further if you so desire. Continue reading »

 Advice, Education  Comments Off on Three Tips for the New Kink Explorer!
May 012013
 

sh!I am on my way over to Europe for the Stockholm Fetish Week and I will be popping over to London to see what kinky mischief I can make!

I will be at the Sh! Women’s Store on May 15th, 16th & 17th teaching three classes and would love to see you there!

There will be copies of Playing Well With Others for sale, as well as copies ofToybag Guide: Playing With Taboo and I will also have DVDs of my talks on Submission as I recorded them for Kink Academy!

I also offer private coaching, mentoring and Kink Counseling sessions, about which you can read here. Please contact me directly if interested in scheduling one while I am in London! Continue reading »