Apr 112016
 

Years back, when social media meant AOL profiles and pages on GeoCities, people relied on nicknames and handles as barriers against being discovered as a secret freak.  Google wasn’t a thing, reverse phone-number lookups and ISP tracking were not commonly available with the click of a mouse, and anonymity was easy. Then things began to develop such that the percentage of lives lived online multiplied exponentially and it has become necessary for most folks to have a public online presence. For many folks, this means they are obligated to tuck away or tone down aspects of their lives in order to maintain their careers or family connections. It is an unfortunate truth that there are people in positions of power in our lives who wouldn’t accept us if we were living a lifestyle against which they felt enmity, or about which they were ignorant to the point of fear.

I am fortunate. I don’t have to keep it secret. Even when I worked for Wells Fargo, their liberal, accepting and forward-thinking policies meant my being involved in the BDSM and Leather communities wasn’t an issue. My orientation to their Bay Area team was lead by a self-identified transwoman. One of my co-workers was the Empress of the SF Royal Drag Court. Another had been International Mr. Drummer and was well known as a gay leather pin-up. Hell, they provided the portable ATMs for the Folsom Street Fair!  I made sure I always worked for companies and businesses where inclusivity was a feature, not a bug.

And yet, I have felt the momentary sting when I am disowned from public connection by a friend or acquaintance because they do not wish to be associated with a kinky person. Like BDSM is a contagion that will besmirch you. Leathery , kinky cooties, out to make you look…well…perverted!

pervert cootieLet me state that I find it bloody strange that my non-kinky friends and acquaintances never seem to feel that they have to evade me because I am kinky.  

I want to give a shout out to all of those folks because you give me life. All of you – parents, spiritual leaders, doctors, lawyers, midwives, teachers, bankers, bakers, artists – all of you who are not ashamed or reluctant to claim me as a friend….you are changing the world, one drop at a time.

I give them dap because they don’t seem to worry about someone saying “Hey how do you know that pervert?” Continue reading »

 Education  Comments Off on Dont Fear Pervert Cooties.
Mar 292016
 

Thanks to The Pleasure Chest, I’ll be sharing a lecture right here in New York on April 20th, 2016!

DOMINANCE & SUBMISSION: HOT FICTION, HOTTER FACTS! WITH MOLLENA WILLIAMS-HAASpleasure chest

Pleasure Chest, New York UES

Wednesday April 20th, 2016 8:00 pm – 10:00 pm

Many of us have hot fantasies of giving over control or taking charge in the bedroom. for some, these desires are so sexually charged that the lure of dominance and submission becomes . but how do you go from an egalitarian relationship to one where someone calls the shots? how do you manage to be dominant without being domineering? is it possible to be submissive without being spineless? how do you negotiate this delicate dance of power without pissing everyone off? and do we REALLY need if you’re curious about dominance and submission, or have been exploring power exchange and are looking for new insights into your play, welcome! in this class, we will explore different types of PE (Power Exchange) relationships, from top and bottom to dominant and submissive to master and slave in all of the wonderful variations! We will be covering many of the intricacies of managing these dynamics such as:

• Self-exploration
• Negotiating with yourself, and with your partner
• Assessing Needs, Wants and Desires
• Physical, Mental and Emotional Safety

Whether you’re interested in the private intimacy of bedroom play or wish to delve into the broader kink community, you’ll have a safe space to ask your questions, discuss your desires, and kick around your kinks! Bring your questions, concerns, curiosities and an open mind!

Guest Educator: Mollena Williams Haas

We do not offer advance registration or reserved seating for free workshops or events. Attendance is on a first come, first served basis. Early arrival is recommended to secure your spot!

 Education  Comments Off on Local Perversion.
Feb 222016
 

crucible banner
Yeah, I do not love camping. I just…I don’t like dirt.
Or insects.
Or “roughing it” even in the relatively benign version of such as is offered by the Kink Camps that happen here and there across the USA.
And I have, for various reasons, gone against my better judgement several times and attended them.
Once, I had a violent asthma attack and resulting horrible sinusitis because of a bale of hay.
Fuck those fucking things.
Then I was molested by a swarm of stinkbugs and red ghotdamned centipedes, and had ANOTHER bad case of sinusitis because of black mold.
Fuck them bastards and that bullshit.
Third time’s a charm and how charming is it to never be able to sleep because of drunk-ass screaming people a few hundred  yards from your cabin  who were hollering ripped and plastered by noon and stayed that way until about 4 AM.
Motherfuck all those fuckers.

SO yeah, I was not gonna be doing it. Ever. Again.

And then of course Der Spousemeister is lured by our “friend” Barbara (baleful side-eye) into considering going to Camp Crucible. Since he is the boss, guess where we’ll be from May 28th – June 4th?
(Yes, the camp runs a bit longer than that on either side but we have to be in and get back to Europe during this time period, so we have to arrive a day late and leave a couple days early.
And I am not sad.)
Anyway, if you’d like to come and enjoy my suffering and glowering while occasionally dressing up like a pony, or watch one of the world’s preeminent living contemporary composers running around nekkid as the day he was born, ogling everyone and loving life, you should come join us!

Or, if, you know, an amazing camping experience with wonderful, welcoming folks and a unique opportunity for extended community bonding and playing and rutting like stoats in the woods is your thing.

 

 Education  Comments Off on Never Say Never.
Jan 082016
 

PD-paddle-shotMollena Speaks

on

the “Prime Directive

Date & Time: Saturday, January 09, 2016 · 6:00 PM – 8:00 PM  
Location:
Tampa Bay Phoenix Club

12850 91st Street North, Largo, FL 33773   @ map

Cost: Free!
Dress code: Street-legal/casual.
Description:

The Tampa Bay Phoenix Club is pleased to have Mollena presenting on the “Prime Directive” and power exchange relationships. She is a nationally-known presenter, and this is one you won’t want to miss!

 Education  Comments Off on *FREE* Class, Tampa / St. Pete!
Dec 182015
 
You have us kinky folks to thank for this, folks. You're welcome.

You also have us kinky folks to thank for this too, people. You’re welcome.

Before you read this, please consider taking a moment to see what has already been hashed out here and there on Race Play. I have gathered a list of links that should help you get some bearings on my previous forays into this topic!

Back in 2009, in the throes of a sticky Twitter frenzy over Ciara writhing around with JT while occasionally wearing a collar and leash, I was hit up by Andrea Plaid, writer from the most excellent Racialicious.  Of course there were obvious issues. Yet again, a white man being catered to by a hypersexualised and objectified Black woman. And the obvious humiliation of being treated like an animal, on a leash. Plenty of fodder for ire. And I get it. On the other hand, as someone who identifies as sexually submissive, and a fetishist when it comes to unequal power dynamics, my take on it is different.

I watched the video from the perspective of fluffy entertainment. It was nothing groundbreaking. Then I considered the fact that we, as Black women, are often expected to carry the weight of history such that even expressing our sexuality must be an act scrubbed clean of anything that might resemble non-consensuality. Furthermore, the idea that we are aware of and deliberately choosing to express ourselves as sexually liberated is fraught because we can’t possibly escape the crushing jaws of institutionalised racism. Any Black Woman who would agree to submit, as fantasy or even for a few minutes in a music video, must be a self-hating Negro who needs to have her Mama sit her down right now and talk some damn sense into her. Continue reading »

 Education  Comments Off on Consent, Control, Compassion, and Why I am Fucking Tired of Explaining Why ‘Race Play’ is Different From Racism.
Dec 152015
 

12248763_10153790739566081_787317437_nIt had been years of me trying to get up to Toronto for the Playground Sexuality Conference. After much arm twisting and bullying, Canadian style (which of course means people saying shit like “It’s be great to see you up here, eh?”) time and tides finally made it happen. I was invited to give a keynote, and since I would be travelling with my Spousemeister, we decided to co-present ourselves for the evening.

As it was, Der Spousemeister had a little thing called “Morgen und Abend” opening at a little place called the Royal Opera House the night after the conference opened, meaning that if we hauled ass pretty much right after the show closed, we could make it.

Not knowing exactly how grueling the week before this little excursion would be, what with two lectures in two countries and a gangbang in a third all within four days…and having NO IDEA I’d be spending three weeks persuading my beloved husband-and-owner to not commit brutal acts of throatpunchicide upon the surly, disrespectful and inept conductor and/or the divotastic and bemusingly temperamental non-singing performer in the opera, I blithely booked this thinking “OK great, we are international jet setters! We can totally do this!”

And we did it, but man were we fucking tired. SO, here ’tis! Most of it was captured on video.

Big shouts out to Samantha for making Playground totally worth it, even for one night. And to my homie JP Robichaud, for keeping me in the running. (We’ll get it together for that podcast one of these days, bro…I just need to find us a producer to do the grunt work!)

 Education  Comments Off on Herr Meister & Me at Playground 2015

San

Aug 092014
 

Doing a class for the SF Citadel this month! And Herr Meister himself will be there. How cool is THAT??!

 

“Dominance and Submission: Hot Fiction, Hotter Facts.”

 

IMG_184973794059738Wednesday, August 27, 2014 · 8:00 PM –10:00 PM Location: SF Citadel 181 Eddy St, San Francisco, CA Cost: $20 at door, $15 in advance- see link below for advanced ticket purchase Dress code: Whatever makes you comfortable!

Description: Many of us have hot fantasies of giving over control or taking charge in the bedroom. for some, these desires are so sexually charged that the lure of dominance and submission becomes . But how do you go from an egalitarian relationship to one where someone calls the shots? how do you manage to be dominant without being domineering? is it possible to be submissive without being spineless? how do you negotiate this delicate dance of power without pissing everyone off? and do we REALLY need if you’re curious about dominance and submission, or have been exploring power exchange and are looking for new insights into your play, welcome! in this class, we will explore different types of PE (Power Exchange) relationships, from top and bottom to dominant and submissive to master and slave in all of the wonderful variations! We will be covering many of the intricacies of managing these dynamics such as:

Self-exploration.

Negotiating with yourself, and with your partner(s).

Assessing Needs, Wants and Desires

Physical, Mental and Emotional Safety

Whether you’re interested in the private intimacy of bedroom play or wish to delve into the broader kink community, you’ll have a safe space to ask your questions, discuss your desires, and kick around your kinks! Bring your questions, concerns, curiosities and an open mind!

Class from 8-10pm, doors open at 7:30pm Cost: $20 at the door, $15 in advance using Purplepass: https://www.purplepass.com/sfc082714 Continue reading »

Nov 092013
 

fire and reign v1I was invited to one of my favourite Leather events last year, and was happy to say yes. I respect the way the folks at Leather Reign do business, and I salute the honor they did me in inviting me to speak to their guests.  When they invited me to speak at their dinner, I was happy to say yes.

Then I spent the next nine months gently freaking out about what I was gonna say. I do not, for myself. enjoy delivering pre-written speeches. For me, as an actor, it becomes me delivering a monologue, and while it is a deeply effective means of communicating ideas, I feel more centered when I can stand before my People and let the things that need to be said manifest in that moment, and flow.

I feel I managed to do that tonight, and I offer my humblest gratitude to the Leather Reign folks for honoring me with a very sacred trust.  Continue reading »

Oct 232013
 

I’ll be hitting Chicago & Toronto, and debuting a new class to boot! So what’s that all aboot?
Glad ya asked!

I have a FREE class in Chicago, Three classes at Come As You Are in Toronto and I’m s-q-u-e-e-z-i-n-g in two additional class sessions, one of which is a world premier! Get in on this, man! Continue reading »

 Education  Comments Off on Ending-in-O in Chicago & Toronto, yo!
Oct 072013
 
Bonus freebie? Don't be a dickhead.

Bonus freebie? Don’t be a dickhead.

There is no one rulebook for how to do this thing we call BDSM, Power-Exchange, Master/Slave relationships, etc., etc. One of the things I most enjoy about perverts is our limitless capacity to forge our own damn path, thank you very much! I’ve done a lot of weed-whacking through the jungles of kink in order to find ways that work for me.

I have observed many successful and many more unsuccessful forays into power exchange relationships. And I can report back with a few nuggets of wisdom on which you can nibble as you see fit. You may even dunk the wisdom nuggets in the sauce of sagacity. Whatever.

And yeah, the fact is, all of these can be applied to you regardless of which side of the slash is yours. Top or bottom, dominant or submissive, master or slave, owner or owned, you can twist these tips around to suit you. Think of them as launch pads, if you will, for your own explorations and discussions.

Yeah yeah, I know each and every one of you D-Types are special snowflake lone Alpha-wolves, running along the dark paths of kink , howling at the moon, sniffling the tender flesh of nubile submissives, and doin’ your own thang. Respect. Mad props to ya. But keep in mind? With power comes responsibility. You can call the shots all you want. But without humility, discipline and flexibility, it’s not likely you’ll be the boss of anyone for very long.

Over my years involved in kink circles, I’ve noticed that some dominant-types take pride in not taking advice from anyone, insisting that they make the rules and it is the responsibility of the submissive to adjust themselves and adhere to their world-view. And ultimately, yes: the master masters, and the slave slaves. But without negotiation, compromise and compassion? The stage is set for breakdowns, conflict and the corrosion of resentment.

Feel free to add your own off-the-cuff recommendations and thoughts of helpful hints in the comments! I’m always looking to hear what works for other kinksters!

Insist on having your submissives tell you what is really going on for them…and listen without defensiveness.

It can be amazingly difficult for us submissive types to open up on tough things. One of the ways that you, as the one in charge, can facilitate a safe space is to not only let us let you know where we are emotionally, but to make it our responsibility to do so. If you create safe space, encourage and insist upon hearing the feedback, keep it flexible; being encouraging and supportive means that the lines of communication are healthy and open and strong. Continue reading »