San

Aug 092014
 

Doing a class for the SF Citadel this month! And Herr Meister himself will be there. How cool is THAT??!

 

“Dominance and Submission: Hot Fiction, Hotter Facts.”

 

IMG_184973794059738Wednesday, August 27, 2014 · 8:00 PM –10:00 PM Location: SF Citadel 181 Eddy St, San Francisco, CA Cost: $20 at door, $15 in advance- see link below for advanced ticket purchase Dress code: Whatever makes you comfortable!

Description: Many of us have hot fantasies of giving over control or taking charge in the bedroom. for some, these desires are so sexually charged that the lure of dominance and submission becomes . But how do you go from an egalitarian relationship to one where someone calls the shots? how do you manage to be dominant without being domineering? is it possible to be submissive without being spineless? how do you negotiate this delicate dance of power without pissing everyone off? and do we REALLY need if you’re curious about dominance and submission, or have been exploring power exchange and are looking for new insights into your play, welcome! in this class, we will explore different types of PE (Power Exchange) relationships, from top and bottom to dominant and submissive to master and slave in all of the wonderful variations! We will be covering many of the intricacies of managing these dynamics such as:

Self-exploration.

Negotiating with yourself, and with your partner(s).

Assessing Needs, Wants and Desires

Physical, Mental and Emotional Safety

Whether you’re interested in the private intimacy of bedroom play or wish to delve into the broader kink community, you’ll have a safe space to ask your questions, discuss your desires, and kick around your kinks! Bring your questions, concerns, curiosities and an open mind!

Class from 8-10pm, doors open at 7:30pm Cost: $20 at the door, $15 in advance using Purplepass: https://www.purplepass.com/sfc082714 Continue reading »

Nov 092013
 

fire and reign v1I was invited to one of my favourite Leather events last year, and was happy to say yes. I respect the way the folks at Leather Reign do business, and I salute the honor they did me in inviting me to speak to their guests.  When they invited me to speak at their dinner, I was happy to say yes.

Then I spent the next nine months gently freaking out about what I was gonna say. I do not, for myself. enjoy delivering pre-written speeches. For me, as an actor, it becomes me delivering a monologue, and while it is a deeply effective means of communicating ideas, I feel more centered when I can stand before my People and let the things that need to be said manifest in that moment, and flow.

I feel I managed to do that tonight, and I offer my humblest gratitude to the Leather Reign folks for honoring me with a very sacred trust.  Continue reading »

Oct 232013
 

I’ll be hitting Chicago & Toronto, and debuting a new class to boot! So what’s that all aboot?
Glad ya asked!

I have a FREE class in Chicago, Three classes at Come As You Are in Toronto and I’m s-q-u-e-e-z-i-n-g in two additional class sessions, one of which is a world premier! Get in on this, man! Continue reading »

Oct 072013
 
Bonus freebie? Don't be a dickhead.

Bonus freebie? Don’t be a dickhead.

There is no one rulebook for how to do this thing we call BDSM, Power-Exchange, Master/Slave relationships, etc., etc. One of the things I most enjoy about perverts is our limitless capacity to forge our own damn path, thank you very much! I’ve done a lot of weed-whacking through the jungles of kink in order to find ways that work for me.

I have observed many successful and many more unsuccessful forays into power exchange relationships. And I can report back with a few nuggets of wisdom on which you can nibble as you see fit. You may even dunk the wisdom nuggets in the sauce of sagacity. Whatever.

And yeah, the fact is, all of these can be applied to you regardless of which side of the slash is yours. Top or bottom, dominant or submissive, master or slave, owner or owned, you can twist these tips around to suit you. Think of them as launch pads, if you will, for your own explorations and discussions.

Yeah yeah, I know each and every one of you D-Types are special snowflake lone Alpha-wolves, running along the dark paths of kink , howling at the moon, sniffling the tender flesh of nubile submissives, and doin’ your own thang. Respect. Mad props to ya. But keep in mind? With power comes responsibility. You can call the shots all you want. But without humility, discipline and flexibility, it’s not likely you’ll be the boss of anyone for very long.

Over my years involved in kink circles, I’ve noticed that some dominant-types take pride in not taking advice from anyone, insisting that they make the rules and it is the responsibility of the submissive to adjust themselves and adhere to their world-view. And ultimately, yes: the master masters, and the slave slaves. But without negotiation, compromise and compassion? The stage is set for breakdowns, conflict and the corrosion of resentment.

Feel free to add your own off-the-cuff recommendations and thoughts of helpful hints in the comments! I’m always looking to hear what works for other kinksters!

Insist on having your submissives tell you what is really going on for them…and listen without defensiveness.

It can be amazingly difficult for us submissive types to open up on tough things. One of the ways that you, as the one in charge, can facilitate a safe space is to not only let us let you know where we are emotionally, but to make it our responsibility to do so. If you create safe space, encourage and insist upon hearing the feedback, keep it flexible; being encouraging and supportive means that the lines of communication are healthy and open and strong. Continue reading »

Jul 252013
 

polyamory_is_wrong_tshirtOnce again, I’m irritated into action.

I see a lotta lotta poly types leveling-up their stamina by taking swings at monogamy, and monoamorous people.

Not a fan.

Mind you, there are plenty of polyfolks who do NOT engage in this bullshit. My excellent friend Cunning Minx, a big time advocate of poly, is so awesome as to have me on her show, not just once but twice, specifically to talk about being a monogamous person navigating the overwhelmingly polysaturated BDSM / Kink / Leather Confederacies. The Lovely and amazing Anita Wagner, an excellent crossover educator, came to one of my classes on monogamy in the scene years ago and we’ve been friends ever since, because of her eloquent refutation of these dismissive attitudes so prevalent among poly folks.

Recently, I saw a post on FB that went like this: Continue reading »

Jun 242013
 

I was recently asked by a publication for some quick tips and advice for couples interested in exploring BDSM to kink up bedroom play. I doubt the journalist will use the entirety of what I wrote…space constraints and all…but these three points are, I feel important for those just dipping their toes into the wild & wonderful world of BDSM. Here’s my quick-n-dirty recommendations for new explorers!

Ready To Write!

For couples thinking about exploring BDSM (that’s Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism) the first thing you want to do is talk about consent. Everyone involved in the interaction has to be in it to win it, and enthusiastically consenting to and in agreement with anything you are going to do. Consent is at the core of BDSM, and making sure you both are ready, willing and able to participate in your chosen kinks is vital to a hot and healthy interaction.

Take it slow.

Sharing your kinky fantasies can feel risky. SO much so, lots of folks don’t even bother to try for fear of seeming “weird” or risking rejection. Nothing ventured, nothing gained! Sharing a sexy, kinky book, movie or story that’s captured your fancy with your partner is more likely to draw them out of their shell than running in the house with a leather mask, handcuffs and whips and announcing “ITS BONDAGE NIGHT, BABY!” Trying a role-play where one person assumes power over the other (Let’s say the captured Prince is at the mercy of the vengeful queen, or the confident CEO suddenly finds herself swooning and at the mercy of her handsome Administrative Assistant!) allows you to step back a bit into a playful head-space that gives you room to inhabit a character that fulfills your desires and explore your fantasies. Many people find role-playing frees them from shame (“Hey, it wasn’t ME wriggling and pleading for mercy…it was the naughty cop!”) and relaxes you enough to explore further if you so desire. Continue reading »

May 012013
 

sh!I am on my way over to Europe for the Stockholm Fetish Week and I will be popping over to London to see what kinky mischief I can make!

I will be at the Sh! Women’s Store on May 15th, 16th & 17th teaching three classes and would love to see you there!

There will be copies of Playing Well With Others for sale, as well as copies ofToybag Guide: Playing With Taboo and I will also have DVDs of my talks on Submission as I recorded them for Kink Academy!

I also offer private coaching, mentoring and Kink Counseling sessions, about which you can read here. Please contact me directly if interested in scheduling one while I am in London! Continue reading »

Apr 232013
 
S&M gear

Yeah, I’d pull that apart in about 90 seconds. But it IS pretty!

I was contacted recently by award-winning journalist Alexis Stodghill, writing from an MSNBC e-mail address and on the staff of TheGrio.com. She asked me if I’d be interested in answering a few questions about BDSM, specifically race play, since I’d been quoted in a column that is getting a whole lot of talk and that touches on that topic. The column, a response to a letter sent to Abiola Abrams, hit on the critical issue of consent and boundaries in relationships. The most important thing, from my perspective as someone who speaks and teaches about consensual BDSM, was that the fact that some people do consent to edgy role-playing in a CONSENSUAL manner was addressed in Ms. Abram’s response.

Ms. Stodghill, seeing the resultant discussion, decided to ask me to expand on the topic. Yep yep, I was hesitant. The Black community is just starting to have more open discussion about sex, and to zipline right into dissecting a type of play that even some  jaded, hardened perverts won’t tough with a fen foot bullwhip and that incites completely understandable visceral reactions from the majority of people is…daunting. To say the least.

I wrote a response and hoped for the best. The full text of my answers to the questions is here.

Controversial letter goes viral as readers discuss ‘race play,’ a sexual fetish involving racial slurs

 I am most gratified to see that very difficult topics are starting to hit more mainstream media outlets with a careful, respectful, nuanced perspective rather than the easy and obvious take on BDSM and Alternative Sexuality. I am very grateful that Ms. Stodghill deftly handled this difficult topic, and if you appreciated her reportage, please consider letting her know so on Twitter or on Facebook.  We take small steps towards releasing shame and gaining understanding, small steps every day. These discussions are steps in an amazing direction, leading us closer to the place where we don’t have to live in fear of losing jobs, friends, family, being shunned by those we thought were friends because we live and love differently. May we continue to walk forward.

Mar 052013
 

My short, IMPACT, was selected to be a part of the opening night gala for the 10th Annual CineKink Festival! It was AWESOME to see it on the big screen again, and so fabulous to have Karen Taylor and Laura Antoniou and Lolita Wolf and Kelly Shibari all packed into the booth laughing and loving seeing and hearing the reactions from the crowd. Again, people seemed to love it. That felt great. And I was looking forward to a week of CineKink Events.

But then I got home to an e-mail from an Editor from Room for Debate, a feature of the New York Times and the panic was on.
Would I be interested in writing an opinion piece about free-speech, freedom of thought and the line between harmless and dangerous fantasy?

WOULD I?!

FOR THE NEW YORK TIMES?!?

Continue reading »

Feb 092013
 

Part one: http://www.mollena.com/2013/02/blackface-still-racist-yall

Part Two http://www.mollena.com/2013/02/racism-in-leather

Many people continue to defend the racism of a white male drag-queen donning blackface as “humor” and insist that we ignore it if we don’t like it.

Many people feel free to tell me how to react to racism, even as I stand and see people I considered friends and allies walk away from me when I ask for help fighting this battle.

Many people turn a blind eye to this issue because they don’t have time.

There are many examples of how, over the course of history, this country has stepped away from ugliness and hatred. And there are many examples of how our attitudes are still ugly.

These are two photographs of lynchings of Black Americans by white Americans. You’ll note the smiling faces, the little white girl beaming up and the mutilated corpse of a Black man who never had a day in court. The little white boys standing beside their stern faced fathers. Continue reading »