I’m unplugging today, the way I often do when I feel like I’m about to short short-circuit on emotional shit. It is post Folsom weekend. The Dominant Guy and his wife are headed back home, and I barely held it together through the weekend as I fretted about not seeing him for an extended period of time. I’m in the beginning of rehearsing for a show, couch surfing for a few months, and thinking I’m probably setting myself up for a massive crash.
It isn’t all that easy for me to think about my life in terms of what is safe and healthy because it is so relative, and because I am still getting to know who I am without alcohol to erase emotional difficulties. Four and a half years isn’t much time in recovery, and every day feels like a new adventure.
Strong emotions…at least the way I experience them…are rough. I have a slight degree of synesthesia, and am easily triggered to full physical emotional and spiritual recall as a result of certain stimuli.
Add to that I’m a pretty twisted pervert and it is really tough, some days, to figure out what “healthy” means.
Struggling with this today I was surfing Twitter and trying so hard to muster the energy to take my bruised body and put it back into the play of the default world when an eye-catching post crossed my timeline.