Andrea Plaid: Next question (and we sorta touched on this): Why do you think communities of color, specifically Black communities, feel the need to police their desires…to the point they won’t explore sexual/erotic practices that some folks deem “racially incorrect”? And, more importantly, play police for The Race?
Mo: There is certainly the aspect of our very conservative and deeply religious background.
Mo: We have a strong church based community
Mo: That isn’t something that is easy to shake.
Mo: The fact is that we have put ourselves in a position where we have to “prove ourselves” in order to survive.
Mo: From jump, we’ve been at a disadvantage here.
Mo: and so now that we’ve reached a point where we actually have a fighting chance, people don’t want anything that may jeopardize or mitigate, in THEIR eyes, our position of moral superiority.
Mo: It is the idea we are “above” that.
Andrea Plaid: ::nods head:: and we do that by saying certain sexual practices, like BDSM and race play, are the things that “white folks do” or “what white folks want us to do.”
Mo: and so we deny ourselves the very fucking freedoms that our ancestors, or parents and grandparents struggled to give us.
Mo: Freedom has no business being compartmentalized so that it remains frozen in some idealized space.
Mo: freedom is messy.
Mo: Ask the Iraqi people.
Andrea Plaid: the interracial history, esp. when it comes to fucking, is so fraught that we’d think “folks” would look at the Ciara/JT vid and think, “he oppressing her, and she likes it. Gahh!” and clutch their pearls.
Mo: Yeah. OK. SO?
Mo: the part here where you have all the info you need is this:
Mo: “And she likes it.”
Mo: the “Why” is none of your fucking business.
Mo: In this case, the “Why” is purely money.
Andrea Plaid: what? Mollena, that’s racial blasphemy.
Mo: I know, I know.
Mo: I feel us slipping back to the 1950s every time I masturbate.
Mo: It is a huge burden, really.
Andrea Plaid: LOL!!
Mo: That video has as much to do with BDSM as the video of the guy padding the kitty cat has to do with animal abuse.
Andrea Plaid: Now, let’s talk about the Ciara/JT vid: you don’t think it had anything to do with BDSM?
Mo: It has to do with kinky imagery and taboos.
Mo: it is an easy hook.
Mo: videos are commercials.
Mo: and commercials HAVE to get at you.
Mo: because BDSM is still edgy, it is an easy cheat
Andrea Plaid: hmmmm…good point.
Mo: But as to really accurately reflecting kink?
Andrea Plaid: why not?
Andrea Plaid: (I know, totally non-kinkcentric question to ask, but I’m asking.)
Mo: First off.
Mo: it is all about display and visual impact.
Mo: which IS an aspect of BDSM, so, sure.
Mo: there is fetishwear, provocative poses.
Andrea Plaid: I hear a “buuuuut” rearing up…
Mo: yeah here it comes
Mo: it doesn’t do anything else.
Mo: and for some people, that is enough.
Mo: A shoe fetishist would masturbate to any video with feet in it.
Mo: God bless them.
Mo: to say a man having a woman on a collar is automatically BDSM is false
Mo: this video has little to do with BDSM. It has to do with what looks sexy.
Mo: the one thing
Mo: the ONLY THING
Mo: that separates BDSM from abuse is consent.
Mo: now, there is implied consent.
Mo: HOWEVER at no point is she not in control.
Andrea Plaid: see, you beat to the question…
Mo: so if you want to pull it apart that way, guess what.
Mo: I am not going to meta-discuss her lack of control in the white dominated machine of the music industry.
Mo: Sister is doing it for herself. she has a marginal talent a stellar physique, she is making money, end of story.
Andrea Plaid: so, in order to for the vid to show a representation of BDSM, there would have been a 3-sec moment of consent?
Mo: in order for the video to comply with Mollena’s BDSM Bible
Mo: we’d see a moment of emotional connection.
Mo: That is theater.
Mo: Not passion.
Andrea Plaid: right.
Mo: Not that theater isn’t passionate.
Mo: But BDSM for theatrical purposes
Mo: (which I love!)
Mo: is different from a reflection of what BDSM is for me
Andrea Plaid: got it.
Mo: Do you remember 9 ½ weeks?
Andrea Plaid: yep! one of my all-time fave films.
Mo: the scene where she strips for him, and it is kinda awkward but sexy, and she does it because he wants her to?
Andrea Plaid: right.
Mo: THAT, to me, is BDSM represented in the way I see it.
Mo: you really get her awkwardness and her desire to be pleasing to him, and his arousal at her doing so.
Mo: in this video you get over the top dry humping and a leash.
Andrea Plaid: ROTFLMAO
Andrea Plaid: can another read be that Ciara is coming at it from a dom position, too?
Andrea Plaid: a “top” position?
Mo: of course.
Mo: If the whole video is her fantasy, she is of necessity running the show.
Mo: Dominants can wear what they want and do what they want. The idea of teasing with the body can have a dominant tone.
Mo: what bugs me is that it is “OK of the black person is dominant but “NOT UPLIFTING THE RACE!!” if she’s submissive.
Andrea Plaid: aaaahhhaaaaaa.
Andrea Plaid: dig.
Mo: Oo now you get to decide which ROLE is OK for me?!
Mo: Fuck you, buddy.
Mo: I have gotten shit from black dominants about race play.
Mo: even as they top white submissives.
Andrea Plaid: really?
Mo: but that is OK, see, because it bucks the paradigm.
Mo: Seriously. Fuck you.
Mo: Yah really.
Mo: not for play play.
Mo: It gets deep, yo.
Mo: I’ve had people who I know for a FACT do race play fuck me over in public for doing it in public.
Mo: But it is OK for them to do it, just not OK for people to know about it.
Andrea Plaid: Jeez…even in race play there the “We gotta be strong–in this case, top white folks?”
Mo: payback, you see.
Mo: we aren’t getting reparations, so go beat up some white bitch and get yours.
Andrea Plaid: …and here’s me shaking my head.
Andrea Plaid: and, it’s up to *you* to keep my image up.
Mo: Ya feel me?
Mo: because, then,of course ALL white people will feel ALL POC are fair game
Mo: but the thing is this: ignorant fuckers have been doing inappropriate shit for YEARS
Mo: is it possible that talking about it makes it bloody fucking clear that it is NEVER OK to make that assumption?
Mo: But when I get a message form a POC who says to me “I thought I was the only one, thank you for talking about that, I felt terrible!” it is worth it. Truly.
Andrea Plaid: guuuuuuuuurl. ::fist pump::
Mo: I have, in my 12 years, had one person say to me “I wanna do a race play scene with you.”
Mo: why is that?
Mo: 1) I am, evidently, hella intimidating
Mo: which kinda sucks but that is another discussion
Mo: 2) I live in CA, where the PC thing is strong
Mo: 3) I make it bloody fucking clear it is NOT ACCEPTABLE for you to EVER ask someone to bottom to you in that type of scene. I feel it really has to come from the person being the “victim”
Mo: this is my approach.
Mo: if they are doing it in their heads anyway, best to know WHO those people are, right?
Andrea Plaid: like seeing Ciara and JT is instant license for white folks to put dog leashes on Black women.
Mo: There ain’t shit new under this sun when it comes to mans inhumanity to man.
Mo: and sure, people get ideas.
Mo: But if you think denial and silence will crush desire
Andrea Plaid: but ideas=/=actions.
Mo: all you have to do is look at a few numbers on the porn industry.
Mo: Ideas CAN move to action.
Mo: But I am not responsible for anything except living an ethical life, being true to my God, and respecting this planet and her inhabitants.
Mo: the rest is outside of my control.
Mo: and those who would be the Race Police can take a fucking page from the Serenity prayer
Mo: God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Mo: Grab some wisdom. You are never going to change the way people are wired.
Andrea Plaid: right, but people act as if the ideas will run tsunami-like and overtake them. thus, JT and Ciara are making it open season on white men (and PoC men) to put dog collars on Black women. ::horror scream::
Mo: you CAN change your attitude and judgments around other folk’s desires, and choice.
Andrea Plaid: it’s like, dudes, no. it’s not.
Mo: Send them my way, please, those hot white men looking to stalk and tackle Negresses.
Mo: I got a boot handy for them.
Andrea Plaid: roll credits?
Mo: Has anyone taken the temperature among younger folks on this?
Mo: I am willing to bet most people 25 and under would be like “What is the big deal? They are having fun and it is sexy.”
Mo: and THAT is the real fact.
Andrea Plaid: and the younger adults and teens, who’ve grown up with Dan Savage giving advice, do feel the way you described.
Andrea Plaid: ya know, the single is hot right now. And the folks who want to comment about the children say in “Don’t expose them to these kinds of images. What would a 7-yr-old understand about kink?”
Mo: I first saw a gay leatherman when I was 5 or so
Mo: NYC,West Village, you know the drill.
Mo: I asked my mom (a nice church girl) why they were dressed like that. She said “Different people do different things.” and left it at that.
Mo: And I never tripped about it again.
Andrea Plaid: The wisdom of mums.
Mo: She had to get very creative with me, my Mom did.
Andrea Plaid: My mom gets horrified walking into a sex shop in New Orleans. and that happened when my sis and me were out the house.
Mo: But the thing is this.
Mo: if you are anti-sexuality for young children, fine.
Mo: If you are anti BDSM, OK.
Mo: These are absolutely your choices.
Mo: in the same way it is MY choice to think differently. And I appreciate the respect I show you and your opinion mirrored back to me and mine.
Mo: and I furthermore appreciate thoughtfulness, not knee jerk reactions.
Mo: Only the most vulnerable mind watches a video and runs out and does what it says.
Mo: and those people are beyond your protecting them but not talking about difficult topics, really.
Andrea Plaid: but, I fear, children is the go-to reason for the knee-jerk reaction.
Mo: So don’t let your kids watch TV
Mo: And keep your kids out of my dungeon, thanks.
Andrea Plaid: what? Mollena, that’s an American blasphemy!
Andrea Plaid: LOL
Mo: I know! TV is, after all, “Friend … Mother … Secret Lover” to quote Homer Simpson.
Andrea Plaid: and folks want to pretend helplessness before the “onslaught” of pop culture instead of being the grown person and buffering what the children are seeing.
Mo: People make me crazy sometimes
Mo: Why can’t we all just admit we have our freaks and move on?
Mo: I am the Rodney King of kink.
Andrea Plaid: ::horror-film scream::
Andrea Plaid: “I am the Rodney King of kink.” (*DEAD*)
Andrea Plaid: LOL!
Mo: that was pretty good…..
Mo: And if you don’t want to explain shit to kids, you are kind of fucked. That is your JOB as a PARENT
……to be continued……