Nov 052018

Swear to Ganesha if one more person grins at me at is all “But which is which?! HAHAHAHA!” I’ll gnaw their elbows.

The time is upon us! The award winning doc about this one Austrian composer and some Black woman storyteller – both of whom also are kinky – has been spreading like a big knüdly hug all over the world and finally we are cracking the seal in the USA.

NOVEMBER 11TH as part of the NY DOC Festival.

Much as I’d love to be all “AND IT’S SOLD OUT!!” of course it isn’t because these cynical ass New Yorkers are all “Yeah yeah. Perverts. I saw 16 on the Q this morning.” I’m sure there are lots of folks who would thoroughly enjoy seeing this strange relationship, hearing the stories, learning a bit about our histories and seeing me AS A CARTOON which is the best thing ever. Really.

You can get tickets here!

And if you’re coming to see the show…or if you’re seeing the show to come…you’re also invited to join us at a pre-show reception from 5:30PM – 7:30PM in the Disco at the Museum Of Sex!

Please spread the word. Even if you can’t make it, we need all the (word-of) mouth-action we can get!

May 302018

After the first half of the summer spent running around Europe, Der Spousemeister and I get back to the funky-ass Ewe Ess of Aay and hit the road for a few events! Check me out teaching at Thunder in the Mountains or come party with us Weekend Reunion!

Come Join Us!

Der Spousemeister & I will be hanging out and having fun!

Teaching & Preaching!

Class is in Sesh!



May 122013

Greetings from Sweden…where I’m in bed having my ass kicked by my very first ever combo sinus-throat-ear infection. Sinus and throat infections I’ve had before but the ear thing is new and I had no idea how awful they can be. Add to that I’m in a beautiful country with awesome, kinky folks who have phased out the use of antibiotics unless, you know, you’ve been stabbed with a knife made of pus, and who do not sell ANYTHING that resembles real pain relieving drugs and you can imagine the agony of the last 4 days.

It doesn’t help to relieve the pain but it is pretty cool to see that results of the National Leather Association International 2013 have hit the streets!

NLAI personally had three pieces I’d written make it to the finalist round, and I am SOhumbled and honored to share that I did win the Cynthia Slater Non-Fiction Article Award (AND the honorable mention. !!!) for my work.

You can read Collars & Closure & Owning Myself.

And the book that Lee and I worked so hard to create and share, also won! The 2013 Geoff Mains Non-fiction Book Award went to “Playing Well With Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Exploring and Navigating the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities.” In an excellent moment of win, the Honorable Mention in this category which was to the book Tristan edited, The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge
in which two of my finalist essays appear, so I feel like I can raise the roof a little on that one, too.

The full list of winners are below…congrats and kudos to EVERYONE who participated!

NLA-I AWards 2012 Winners.
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Apr 142013

Ms Regan Black

Unspeakable Axe runs the Masocast, and I am delighted to have been invited to sit and chat with him for a while! We recorded it in… December, I think? My memory isn’t awesome and I don’t care all that much…at least not enough to so dig around in my Google calendar and scritch it up!

It was wonderful chatting with him. Intelligent, thoughtful, smart, funny…these are all things that have been said about me, and I am sure they apply to him, too. Fuckin’ with ya, man!

I had a wonderful time visiting and I’d love to have a rematch somewhere down the line…there are always more adventures to share!




Sep 042012

 After a few years in the making, “Playing Well With Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Exploring and Navigating the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities” is out!  To celebrate, we have planned an ambitious book tour: 16 cities in 21 days! We will be traversing the USA (and Vancouver) by train (and a few legs by bus), from October 24th thru November 18th, wow.

On this crazy and exciting adventure we want to visit perverts and sexual explorers. Let’s bring this great book, a heck load of education… and entertainment too… out into the world :)

Help us make our dream take flight!

Boston – Hartford – New York City – Philadelphia – Baltimore – DC – Cleveland – Chicago – St. Louis – Albuquerque – Phoenix – Los Angeles – San Francisco – Portland (OR) – Seattle – Vancouver (BC)

We have two goals for this tour.  The first covers our travel costs, thank you gifts for donors, set-up costs and some of our food for the trip.  The second goal will include the costs of getting wholesale cost books out to all of these cities, as well as covering our additional travel costs (taxis, the rest of our food, etc).  The listed goal amount expresses that second goal.


Come Join Us!

By helping support this tour, not only will you be helping bring us to all these great cities for classes, shows, parties, book signings and other appearances, but you will also have a chance to bring a slice of this experience to your home.  You don’t have to be on the tour route to be part of the experience!  We will be blogging along the way. Video blogs, written blogs, audio-boo (mini-podcast) and more! You’ll get to see the adventure from home.


Plus- thank you gifts!  Get signed books, “Wanna Do Some Stuff” cards, thank-you notes, sponsoring advertising opportunities… and private class opportunities too. Please be sure to indicate how you’d like any signed materials to be dedicated in the “Comments” field when you donate! 

Sep 112011

Glitter & bruise are COPE souvenirs...the odd halo effect seems to be a reflection from the pendant.

Having a memory as surreal as mine is, occasionally, amusing. I can recall some conversations with freakish clarity, be they the day before yesterday or Valentine’s Day 1993. But please don’t ask me what I ate for lunch yesterday. So this makes for fun times when I buy something for myself, totally forget, then feel like it is Christmas in September when I get something in the mail I sent to myself. Add to that I’m entirely nomadic for the next 3 months or so and the fact that I ordered something for myself and managed to time its arrival for when I was going to be in a particular place and you have a series of small miracles.


After a fulfilling and exhausting and delightful and challenging weekend, I got back to the home of The Dominant Guy and Mrs. The Dominant Guy to a small package in my name. I stared at it, with absolutely no idea as to what the fuck it was. Upon opening it, I remembered ordering the somewhat unusual piece of jewelery and put it on. My thought process rewound to a few weeks back when, in a conversation about something or other (Really, I can’t recall what it was about at the moment but I’m sure I will in three or four weeks)  The Dominant Guy asked me what I knew about hyena medicine. Understand he didn’t mean the science and art of healing animals of the family Hyaenidæ . Rather he was referring to medicine in the framework of Native American cosmology. I didn’t have any clue. I’d thought since there aren’t many hyena running around North America, there probably wouldn’t be much, if anything, around the hyena in their particular belief system. And there isn’t much. What I did find generated one of those moments of  “Oh good grief. Really?”  when I read the following bits in one of the pieces on hyena symbolism:


Hyena medicine teaches us balance, realizing our own powers, and being happy with what we are given; not wanting for what we do not have. medicine teaches us balance, realizing our own powers, and being happy with what we are given; not wanting for what we do not have.




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Apr 202011

Leather ReignI’ve been invited to do keynotes at Leather / Kink events a handful of times, and as someone who doesn’t really believe in writing speeches, this always throws me into a blind panic. Yes, one of my own making but I personally challenge myself to life up to the challenge of what speeches are, IMO, meant to be: spoken in the moment.

This past winter I was to speak at Leather Reign up in Seattle and I was nervous as fuck. Shout outs to Sheryn B., who tossed me a nugget from which to jump off for the speech and also props to The Dominant Guy, for patience with my hamsterbrain flipmode meanderings in the days leading up to the speechification.

I hope you dig it.


Mar 022011

I have now, in the past 3 days, seen 4-5 threads about newcomers complaining about the lack of kink, sex, and fuckery at Munches. If you read the history, you’ll see what happens when Munches deviate from this rule. And some folks in the PNW re-learned this lesson the hard way recently.

Dating and “getting to know folks” is IMPORTANT. Pervs oft forget this in the flush of excitement in having found community. Munches are a fabulous way to socialize in a safer setting. Picking up a trick is not the stated purpose, Sure, yes, it is an occasional benefit! But to keep the arty moving, ant to make it beneficial to the broadest number of people, it has to be chill.

And hey, I’d love to hear from Munch organizers about their experiences managing Munches, keeping them safe, and how they foster community.

So for those bitching…perhaps you failed to look up what the fuck a Munch actually is?

Lets do that, shall we? I’m-a cut and paste it to spare your clicking finger from even having to click. That’s how nice I am. :-P


Munch (BDSM)

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

A munch (short for burger munch) is a low-pressure social gathering for people involved in or interested in BDSM, usually at a restaurant. When available, munches often use a private room. In the UK, the venue is usually a pub, and people are free to arrive and leave within the specified hours. The primary purpose is socializing, though some munches also have announcements from local organizations. Munches often help those who are curious about the lifestyle meet others who may be able to help them become more comfortable and better informed. Munches can also be a place to get advice about or pass on anecdotes about BDSM experiences.

Unlike a play party, most munches are casual affairs that exclude fetish attire or BDSM play, though a rare few include covert Master/slave interactions or other play. Some munches may have a specific focus, such as spirituality or whips. Others may be restricted to a specific group, such as women or submissives.


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Jun 092010

Nah, it ain’t some crunchy navel-gazing post. I am on my way ot the Southeast Leatherfest. And, believe it or not, this will be the first time I’ve traveled to a leather event at which I was NOT presenting since my very first Black Rose back in in 1998.

What  long strange trip it’s been.

I am looking forward to hanging out with my “twin” Q, and meeting new folks…and checking out the five (!!!) Titleholder contests being held there.

What I am VERY much looking forward to is not having to fret about classes, about formal appearances, about having to be somewhere.

Long time coming I get to be a Citizen at a Leather Event! much of a Citizen as I can ever be with my crazy-ass self.

Are you gonna be there? Let me know, and do say hello!