Many of us have been there. Doing the online dating thing. I am in the unique position of not only having perused just about all online dating formats available in the past couple of decades, but I have my roots in the primordial soup of online dating: newspaper ad dating. Before that? I’d even spent a couple of years working as an operator (read: decoy) for “The One Line” (remember Party Lines, oldbies?!?). My last desk job? Working as a content slave for the FriendFinder empire. I have an advanced degree in online hookupery and profile-fu. SO believe me, I have been around the block, over the block, poked through the sewers under the block…I got it down.
From personal ads in the L.A. Weekly on to Craig’s List Casual Encounters, I have seen and done so
many much. Despite endless, ready hookups and even one or two fun, moderately successful relationships, I never found the person who was fully ready to commit and who was thrilled by the possibility of an ongoing, monoamorous relationship.
“So, Mollena.” you well might ask, “why the FUCK did you keep doing that shit even when it was so rife with fail?”
GOOD Question! You can select any number and combination of the following:
- I’m a closeted sunny fucking romantic optimist.
- SOME luck is more than NO luck and it don’t take much to keep this bitch hunting!
- I’d seen other people have success.
- It gave me the feeling of being an active agent in orchestrating my destiny.
And I had enough fun flings, good times, and epic adventures to keep me tending those sketchy-ass virtual Lobster Pots of Love for years. Even the most miserable failed hook-up was rewarded with a prime chance to bitch to the world about it and wind up featured in the “Best of Craig’s List!”
Until I decided that I was tired, that the last series of slaps and digs and faceplants was a sign for me to chill the fuck out, and I had a serious conversation with Ganesha in the shower in the dark one night.
Then sometime late on December 19, 2013, two years ago today, I opened OKCupid, read a few dead threads, scoped the suggested matches, and opened the following message.
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