A couple of years ago, I had a rather unpleasant moment where I was on the receiving end of a roomful of laughter when I introduced myself as, among other things, monogamous. If you care to read the whole story, you can do so here. After realizing that part of the rich stew of emotions I felt when this occurred, a thread of this was embarrassment and shame.
Living in the Bay Area, where the overwhelming majority of people in the BDSM Leather & kink community are poly-identified, it was feeling more and more true, for me, that being monogamous was looked on as “quaint” and not treated with much respect. I had to look at why I was feeling this way, and part of it was that human feeling of wanting to be accepted, and realizing that people mocking something that is core to me did NOT encourage that feeling. I don’t like feeling like the weirdo among weirdoes, and this seems to be mt place as often as not ;-)
Od course, the more something bugs me the more I want to talk about it, so here I am a couple of years later doing a class on one aspect of the monogamous experience in the BDSM / Leather / Kink community. There aren’t many of us out there talking about it, and so I felt compelled to add my voice to the mix.
As I think and write and discuss and study, I would be honored and appreciative to hear from other monogamous folks about how they cope with being monogamous in situations where that choice / orientation isn’t necessarily common. How do you deal with feelings of shame or discomfort? Feeling discouraged, or as though your search for a partner is that much more difficult?
And if you have something you’d like to share with other monogamous-identified folks, please do so. Sometimes, a simple word of encouragement goes a long way.
I know I could use one right about now :-)