If you are a self-identified kinky person, you may have heard of â€œTop’s Diseaseâ€: the dominant who shows off in scenes, is riddled with self-importance bordering on clinical monomania may fall into the category of victim ofÂ â€œTop’s Disease.â€ This is the idea that a dominant or top has a terminal kink-centric narcissism. Believing their own hype.
Showing off flashy technique, being a “One True Way” elitist, making seemingly extravagant demands of partners or even bystanders, using submissives in a way that seems like a less than profound spiritual manner may well see you relegated to a toppy Bardo, in a purgatory of sorts.
Nobody like a show-off, after all.
Questioning someoneâ€™s motives, dominance, submission, etc because of what you are capable of observing about their play style is a slippery slope.
I was once ordered, before a scene, not to make a sound. Went to the dungeon, did a pretty heavy flogging then whipping scene, through which I remained completely silent.
Those who were used to hearing me shriek, kick, scream and speak in tongues (Seriously. Ask anyone who has seen me get seriously fucked up.) immediately assumed something was wrong, and asked the DM to intervene. Thank the gods she said, â€œYou people complain when they scream too loud, now you want me to tell a bottom that they are BEING TOO QUIET? Iâ€™ll pass.â€
Dominance is different things to different people. Perhaps showing off their mastery of flogging is what the dominant wanted to do. Isnâ€™t it their right to do so?
As to egoism in a dominant, I ask ya: who DOESN’T want a dominant with a (healthy) ego? If you aren’t AT LEAST egotistical enough to assume control of me, you are not taping in to my submissive core.
Just because your particular style of â€œconnectedâ€ doesnâ€™t look like someone elseâ€™s is no reason to scorn it, them, or their approach.
I actually like a healthy ego in a dominant. I love an edge of arrogance, because it takes that for me to really believe you can outdo me.
If you donâ€™t want to see a scene that has spectacular aspects, to it, fine. But some of the most breathtaking scenes I have seen have involved play that was quite obviously extensively elaborate, and often was a gift to those watching, a â€œThank you!â€ for lending their energy and attention.
Why throw their gift back in their face by scoffing at their style of playing?
Unless this person is unsafe, and the submissive is in physical or emotional danger, I donâ€™t get the dismissiveness of a more theatrical level of play.
I mean, we CALL IT A PLAY PARTY. Refer to it as play. Shit, I do theatrically based plays too. And if people werenâ€™t watching, clapping, feeling something, getting something back from my performance, Iâ€™d feel like shit. And if I didnâ€™t bow at the end, youâ€™d feel cheated.
You CAN be in tune with the audience and in tune with your â€œco-starâ€ or â€œsupporting actorâ€ or even â€œpropâ€ at the same time. Any actor worth their salt does it any time they step on stage.
And it ainâ€™t a far cry away from playing.
I wouldnâ€™t trade anything for the scene where the top I was playing with asked people from the audience watching what he should do to me, having them laugh, then be shocked when he went even farther, and me cursing the 12 generations of their families and all of their pets for being such assholes. Or how about someone helping to â€œrecaptureâ€ me when I slipped from some bondage? Or a top actually stopping to explain something about his toys to another top, giving me the opportunity to quip, as thought bored while suspended upside down:
â€œHey, if youâ€™re busy, can I go have a smoke?â€?
Yeah, I can be a smart ass. That is when I get slapped around. And that ainâ€™t bad neither.
A crippling case of â€œTop’s Diseaseâ€ is not becoming. But a nice healthy dose of well-earned ego, mastery and a scoop of arrogance topped with the cherry of entitlement…whew. Yes, please!