Performance. Anxiety.

“How can I compete with a class where someone gets a fucking BLOWJOB from a PORNSTAR?!?!”

This is my agony today. Lame? Maybe.  Weird? Certainly.  Self-precipitated?  Definitely. But nonetheless.

Next Up....

Where will (The Royal) We be next...?

See, as a kink educator, I have the unique opportunity to share my experience with other perverts. I think that is a singular honor, one  I don’t take lightly, and one I am always amazed is extended to me.

But, like anything else, it has its pitfalls.  No matter how many times I may think “This isn’t a competition, I’m there because I have something positive to share, and I’ll do my best and it will be great!”  I can’t avoid that second-guessing voice that nags away.  “Oh hey, you’re just standing around…talking. Huh. That’s…nice. But see,  THAT class has naked girls being beaten…THAT one has 62 people simultaneously having Tantric orgasms….THAT one has loud and sexy whip cracking…”

If you have ever been to a kink event, you know what a sensory overload it can be. No matter your experience level, it is a great deal to take in. If you HAVEN’T been to a leather event, imagine a Trade Show / Street Fair / Lecture Series / Circus …with Leather and Sex and Fuck and Perversion dripping oozing cavorting burning and screaming all around you for. Three. Days. Straight.

Don’t get me wrong. Please. This is NOT A BAD THING. It is indeed an excellent thing.

I’ll be fine. These are my tribe, after all. I agonized for a long time before I decided to cross into real-time with BDSM. I agonized again when i decided to go totally public as someone involved in the Leather community. o this day,I struggle with being a woman, submissive, and Black. The shit ain’t easy. But if I don’t find a switchback strength in it, I’d leave hold of the path and settle into familiar tracks.

The risk, the strangeness, the thrill and yes, the discomfort and uncertainty, all of those things make it worth it.

Even if, sometimes, you get drowned out by a vigorous fist-fucking in the next room.

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  1. CFKS on January 27, 2009 at 11:38 PM

    I guess you are going to have to add a blow job to your class and get started on that film career in porno. haha. I’m no help, I know.

    • mollena on January 28, 2009 at 10:30 PM

      Oh, but I already have a pr0n credit under my strap-on :-p