So once upon a time, I saw someone use a racial epithet I’d never seen before.
I posted about it on FetLife,Â and on Twitter.
I learned a new racist epithet! Wanna poke one of the Native Peoples of North America in the eye?You can call ’em “Prairie Spooks!” #EvilLOL
Someone replied about how dumbass that was and compared it to another epithet.
I then replied
OMG!Â @(anotherTweeter) Dude! I know! I threw my back out laughing! So awful. I ain’t been that amused since I heard the term “Sand Nigger.”
I then got the following “question” on my Formspring account
I saw your post on twitter about the racial slurs. I was quite astounded. You’re on a global stage as a title holder, and frankly, I’m embarrassed.
I read it, re-read it, scratched my head, and responded thusly:
I don’t know why you’d be embarrassed and what you’re embarrassed about, Anonymous. But we are all responsible for our own emotions.
Interestingly, this “question” displays your ignorance of my background, my history, and myself. If you’d like to educate yourself, you can start with the “Fantasy” that was a substantial part of my winning my current “title”http://www.mollena.com/2010/04/lifting-my-voice And sure, you could read all of the work I’ve done in the BDSM & Leather communities and beyond to break down the idea that words, epithets and such are things about which we need to run around shrieking in fear and rage and embarrassment.
But you probably wont. And that is OK. Because I have zero shame and embarrassment about the way I live my life. Clearly you cannot say the same.
I hope that you grow to find that you are beyond letting the journey, experience and words of another can cause you grief. And I wish you well on your journey!
I had several people re-tweet the response, several more people offer supportive comments, on Twitter and on FaceBookÂ (there my TweetFeed poops all ofer my FB page) I had a couple of people who thought my comments were troubling.
I feel like there should be some things about me that are obvious. but in case this gets missed? Let me sum it up.
I have been dragged through the mud, lost friends, been very shabbily treated, been threatened with violence, had my privacy violated and been shunned because of some of my beliefs and some of the kinks about which I freely speak.
I’m done with shame.
I believe that giving words power over me non-consensually is some bullshit.
I further believe that robbing hateful speech of its power starts with knowing WHY those words botherÂ YOU. Specifically. Not why they are “bad” in general, but specifically what YOUR problem with the word(s) is.
I believe I am in the minority when it comes to my position on some words with a very troubling, dark and terrible history.
I am well aware that wading in the water when it is cold and dark ain’t for everybody.
I well know that my path looks quite fucked to many.
I understand many do not agree with me.
I’ve heard it all before.
I’m still standing, still proud, and haveÂ not a shred of embarrassment, shame or self-hatred about anything about me.
This is the result of a great deal of work, sweat, pain and love. Are you better off for being outraged and furious at “bad words?”
When I laugh at hatred and ugliness I have robbed it of its power.
When I smile on the person who would beat me with their racism and bigotry, I create light from darkness.
I’m all. Over. That.