7 Random Tips for D-Types


Yeah so I’m making some broad sweeping off-the-cuff generalizations about some recommendations I have for dominant types. Take it or leave it. But if you leave it? You suck. So there. Nyah. Feel free to add your own off-the-cuff recommendations in the comments!


Insist on having us tell you what is really going on for us…and then listen without defensiveness.


It can be amazingly difficult for us to open up on tough things. If you create safe space, encourage and insist upon hearing the feedback, and keep it flexible, being encouraging and supportive means that the lines of communication are healthy and open and strong.


Apologize specifically for your fuckups and missteps, and talk about how you can avoid repeats.


Too many people have this “The dominant is always right.” attitude. You are human. Humans are fallible. Putting yourself on a pedestal only means you have that much further to fall. Taking responsibility for yourself reinforces that you can take responsibility for us as well.


Say “Please.” and “Thank you.”


No you don’t have to. But doing so is a gracious gesture. And a gracious ruler gains the hearts and minds of their followers. Emotional largesse will gain you faithfulness.


Acknowledge our service to you.


Again, you don’t have to. But again, being seen by the people we serve is a prescious emotional jewel that we hold close to our hearts and that feeds and sustains us as we grow in service. Correcting missteps shouldn’t be the only time you give us feedback.


Be consistent.


It might seem less than exciting but consistency in your behavior provides the structure that many of us actively seek. If you insist on certain behaviors, follow-up. If you set up an expectation, maintain that connection.


Tell us what you’re feeling.


Yeah the big tough dominant thing is a hot and sexy image. But knowing about your process and emotional state creates intimacy and lets us trust you with our intimate thoughts and feelings as well.




Humor goes so very far in salvaging tough times and makes good times even better. Laughing at yourself once in a while won’t kill ya either.



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  1. SlipperyWhnWhet on August 17, 2011 at 9:58 PM

    Require us, encourage us, & help us face our fears and insecurities. Help us grow as human beings.

    • mollena on August 20, 2011 at 1:12 PM

      Hear, here. :-D

  2. TDG on August 18, 2011 at 6:03 AM

    Ummm… really? Do I have to?

    • Literalman on August 18, 2011 at 8:37 AM

      Mollena is a jewel. You don’t have to … but it would be a sin to fuck up what you two have.

      • mollena on August 20, 2011 at 1:11 PM

        Amen! ;-)

        Thank you for stopping by!

    • mollena on August 20, 2011 at 1:09 PM

      Yes. Yes you do.

      Taps foot impatiently.

      Oh wait…you’re already doing that shit.

      I see what you did there.

  3. WinsomeGypsy on August 18, 2011 at 7:41 AM

    These tips (including SlipperyWhnWhet’s) are great. Adding what my Sir gives; guide us in our journey, cultivate our strengths, and let us know that they’ll be there for us along the way. Even when we feel “less than.”

    • mollena on August 20, 2011 at 1:33 PM

      Having the reassurance of consistency in support is incredibly invaluable, for real. Thanks for your comment :-)

  4. poeticdesires on August 18, 2011 at 6:31 PM

    Be firm and specific.
    SAY ‘yes’ & ‘no’, ‘give me this’ & ‘I want that’, NOT ‘maybe you could’ or ‘I guess we can.’ Unsure or wavering speech makes you sound like a weakling, and I’m not attracted to weaklings.

    Make us respect and keep your boundaries.
    Don’t let us cheat…too much. Once in a while is cute and can encourage a conniving or slightly bratty nature. But if I get away with something more than twice in a row, not only will I loose respect for you, I may just loose you.

    Reassurance is worth its weight in gold.
    A smile, a hug, a kiss on the forehead, a random text, phone call, or email can satiate me for days. Going long periods without some kind of contact breeds doubt, fear, insecurity. Simple small gestures can feel pretty freaking big, so don’t forget to do them.

    • mollena on August 20, 2011 at 1:30 PM

      The “remembering small things” thing is huge. And I have to remember that it is OK to remind ‘rm to do that shit, too! :-D

      Thank you for your additions!