I am sure my Mother will be tickled. We used to love reading Essence. As a kid, it was amazing to see a magazine that was for Black people that had Black models looking beautiful and talked about our lives. All-around Sensuality GuruÂ Abiola AbramsÂ does a column for them,(which is, apparently, cross-syndicated toÂ Huffington Post!)Â and she quoted me in it.
I think Ms. Abrams’ response is spot-on. Fact is? This woman is in a situation where she is being emotionally abused beyond the limits of her consent. It is INSANELY effed up. I know love is powerful and shit but if someone I loved were THAT thick, that callous, and that dismissive about respecting my boundaries I’d be the fuck outtie and sue his ass for emotional abuse. I bet that would learn him something about buying people. No matter how far from the mainstream we might swim in order to fulfil our fantasies or explore kinky, twisted sex, we sure as hell had best be swimming in a stream of ongoing consent, assent and explicit permission. Otherwise…yeah. Straight fucked up. End of story.
It is still kinda funny to me to see my name cropping up with increasing frequencyÂ hereÂ andÂ thereÂ in mainstream media news outlets. HOWEVER, this is a deeper and more subtle clue that the discussion of kink & BDSM is creeping toward a more nuanced level of discourse. It would be easy for a sex columnist – especially one writing for a magazine targeted towards the Black American demographic – to dismiss this whole situation as horrible and worthy of scorn. But the fact that Ms. Abrams saw the opportunity to disambiguate between sexualized racial play and what this woman’s husband is doing – which is non-con emotional abuse, IMO – isDEEPLYÂ gratifying to see.