Jul 182018
 

This week sees the publishing of one of my True Tales in an anthology and one of my Fairy Tales in another anthology that is being RE-published!

Leather Ever After” has some amazing and brilliant stories…and I’m gonna do a thing I rarely do and toot MY horn because I am swaggeringly proud of my contribution to this particular anthology.

When approached to write a fairy tale, I was initially dubious. I am not a fan of most fairy tales, and most American versions are merely cleaned up versions of brutal European stores. The few I knew of African origin didn’t feel that close to me, and the few Black American folk tales from my youth were problematic. Like the Uncle Remus stories. And then it hit me…I would make my own fairy tale one of setting right the wrongs so often perpetrated in these stories. I remembered “Tar Baby” and the rest of my own take on it wrote itself on my heart. I am excited that it will find its way back to the world. Congrats to Sassafras on this awesome feat!

 

I have been telling stories for as long as I have been speaking and I have been speaking since I was about 9 months old…so we are looking at over 48 years of me running my mouth. In the tradition of the Griot, I have share my stories and the stories of those I have encountered around the world and one of my favourite outlets is definitely the RISK! podcast. Kevin Allison is a tireless advocate of the story, and has helped to give voice to hundreds of humans and their gloriously unique stories.

One of the risker types of kink in which I have participated involves race and how it informs, permeates and – wait for it – colours all of my interactions within the BDSM, Leather and kink “communities.” I’ve spoken and written quite a bit about the topic(s) and sometimes, get a bit weary of doing so. But wen Kevin asked me to recount, in detail, my experiences with race and kink, in particular a rather notorious scene in which I’d had some difficulty, I could not say no, Story is important. The more difficult and personal, the higher the stakes and the more urgent the need to share.

SO, here you go. The book version is quite a bit edited….I’d listen to the original podcast if you want The Full Monty.

May 282018
 

If you wanna get one of the last places in the upcoming intensive I’m conducting with the amazing, amazing support from Rowan at Making Love With God.

I have wanted to be able to get into the guts and soul of Power Exchange, and have more than 60-90 minutes to do so. I am so excited to have this chance! Over the 2-days we’ll look at service, power dynamics and how love brings it all together.

I am eager to explore:
Continue reading »

Mar 032017
 

I realised I’ll be turning 10 this year.

I’ll be sharing a bite of this story once again – after premiering “Hyena” in Vienna and then performing it a second time in Huddersfield England – at home in New York.

After giving up on life and then finding myself energised to reject my imminent death…after being advised it was almost impossible I’d stay sober on my “first try,” after bucking the fuckng odds this long, I take absolutely no day sober for granted.

I usually become a little more ferociously sentimental around my soberversary. As I approach, Ganesha willing, a milestone, I am humbled by this benchmark. I remember all of the people who helped me get treatment, get on my feet, get back to life.

I’ll be grateful should I reach this day. And I am so grateful for all of the 3,643 days I have lived thus far.  Grateful to be able to count back to that  darkness, and count the days to a lovely moment of wonder.

Wish us luck!

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Dec 262016
 

“Toxic.” Yeah you can talk all you want about how pop music is artless, soulless tripe. I’d have probably sneered sanguinely along with you until late 2007. By then, I was as tired of that fucking song as anyone. I was also newly sober, deeply concerned for my mental health and running away from a job that had kicked my ass…a failure unlike any I’d previously experienced. I was having a solo supper, pondering the wreckage of my life, maybe 9 months of sobriety under my belt and the shadow of the demon that was my alcoholism perpetually snapping at my heels. Then this fucking song comes on. I tune it out but Spears’ autotuned forced breathiness skewered my consciousness.

 

Baby, can’t you see
I’m calling
A guy like you should wear a warning
It’s dangerous
I’m falling

I sighed, trying to tune it out but some facet of my consciousless sparked to life.

There’s no escape
I can’t wait
I need a hit
Baby, give me it
You’re dangerous
I’m loving it

Too high
Can’t come down
Losin’ my head
Spinnin’ ’round and ’round
Do you feel me now?

I could only relate on a limited basis to this song about feeling so hooked on someone…perhaps once in my life, OK, maybe…but that shit doesn’t last and wasn’t what drew me in. Continue reading »

Mar 192016
 

Those who were at our wedding – or watched it on LiveStream – were able to hear the “sketches” of two parts of a piece Georg was writing in my name to commemorate our wedding. This all came about because someone asked if we were going to have his compositions in our wedding and I was amused, since nothing he’s written to date was really of a celebratory nature and certainly not anything one would think of for an occasion such as a wedding!

Unless, of course, it was like Persephone being wedded to Hades or some shit.

But he, with traditional Austrian stubbornness augmented by the particular flavor of Styrian obstinacy, decided that of COURSE he would write music for our wedding. And it just debuted on the March 17th.

drei stucke pic

The reception for the premier? STELLAR. He received tremendous audience response and six callbacks in the curtain calls. Believe me, for an audience of mostly Germans, this is bloody epic.

When I first heard even just the sketches at the wedding, I was amazed. Sitting in the rehearsals and hearing all of these talented artists working so hard to realize his vision, I was delighted. To sit in the Prinzregententheater and hear the RIAS Kammerchor singing and the Munich Chamber Orchestr (brilliantly and passionately conducted by Herr Alexander Liebreich) bring such resplendent complexity to the piece was spiritually uplifting beyond words.

After the concert, one of the lovely members of the Choir (she was really kind to me throughout) presented us with the sweetest and thoughtfullest gift…a whole buncha little matchboxes with some perverts on the top! They’d used a photo they’d taken of us during the rehearsals.

rias kammerchor matches

How cute is that?!? ÜBERCUTE is how.

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Jul 032015
 
Seriously. This is a town in Austria.

Aaah, beautiful Fucking, Austria.

One of the things I am pondering mightily is the reality of submission as it is lived vs. the hot & horny fantasy of d/s. A time ago, I went to the Center for Sex & Culture​ to see Laura Antoniou​ talk about stuff. Not many people beside myself were there, because jaded-ass San Francisco is like that. It was great for me, though, because I got to have pretty much a one-on-one conversation with someone I respect. One of the things she said about submission being put to the test when it is difficult to obey really struck a nerve. I had been struggling for a bit with my own submission, what with being newly released after requesting the dissolution of a 2-year relationship, and feeling like perhaps I wasn’t actually cut out for this slavery thing.

She spoke of submission not really being much of an achievement when one is only doing the stuff they wanted to do and would have done anyway even without the imperative of consensual subjugation. Is it truly an act of submission if you take thirty lashes from a whip when you are an inveterate masochist who enjoys every blow? Or is the submission more profound when pain is not erotic for you , and yet you endure it for the love or joy or pleasure or whim of your dominant? Continue reading »

Jun 122014
 
...just put your lips together and blow.

…just put your lips together and blow.

Howdy from Austria. Land of schnitzel & secondhand smoke.

It has been quite a stretch of time since I have blogged. Those who are connected to me virtually via Twitter or better yet Facebook have been on the receiving end of snippets and sketches and bits about the past few months. Part of me wants to go back and reconstruct what is an amazing journey…but realizing that there are foundational pieces of our story that can’t be shared at the present has me resigned to leave it as it is, for now. An outline, a sketch, and to turn back at a future time to fill in the color, melody, nuance, details, sights and emotional depth once I am free to tell the thing as it truly is.

A few months ago I took an INSANE trip to my former home of San Francisco from my once and present home in New York, so that I could share a story. I am indebted to all of the Bawdy Storytelling fans who voted for me to appear in the 7th Anniversary show, and even more indebted to the people who donated to make that insanity happen.

When I returned from SF, my owner asked where he could see my performance. I advised it might take a little while before that happened…and yesterday, it did! We settled into bed, and I had to force myself to watch myself in the video (a thing I dread). Herr Meister was at a bit of a disadvantage because not only am I speaking at a pace appreciably more rapid than I do for his benefit, the language barrier becomes marked when you add in slang and shortcuts. A few times we had to stop while I explained, for example, what I meant by my comment that hesitancy in dominance is like a cold bucket of slime on my pussy. And I reassured him that he was not one of the slime throwers. He seemed to love listening to the telling. Continue reading »

Jan 142014
 
Namaste Exhale

Namaste, namaste!

I am superfucking picky about reviewing shit, endorsing stuff, reviewing toys, permitting advertising on my site…all that shit. Why? because I’m lazy. Yep. I often do not wanna do the work it takes to vet people, places and things for inclusion on my site.

(That’l likely change soon, because I need to monetize this fucker. Bandwidth don’t pay for itself!)

However, in this case, I’m-a straight up plug & push a retreat that is being created by a woman I love and respect very much.

When I say I don’t look up to many people in the Leather Lifestyle, people assume it is because I’m a snobby asshole. OK point. But the MAIN reason is that my heart & soul can REALLY only “look up” to people who resonate with me on a number of levels . One of the basic levels is a woman who identifies as powerful, who is submissive, and identifies as a slave and is also Black.

So, you can see why the field is fucking narrow. Continue reading »

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Jan 122014
 

2014-01-10 01.30.17-1I was more anxious than happy when I received an IM from The Composer. It was the middle of the night for him, and he had responded to one of my e-mails letting me know he was only up for a bit and was going to sleep once he was done working. The anxiety stemmed from the fact that my message was less than cheery. I’m dealing with (yet more) dental issues and navigating Medicaid to get the care I need isn’t as simple a thing as one would hope. Being from Europe, the vagaries of our healthcare system are opaque to him, and being a poor kid, I careen wildly between irrationally ragey and then panicked reactions when I have to even TALK about this shit. Let alone do the research and phone calls and make appointments only to be told no, sorry, YOUR particular brand of poor folks healthcare isn’t the RIGHT kind of poor folks health care so just take your poor ass somewhere else, poor person.

But I digress. Continue reading »