Dec 182018
 

I’m a fan of Google calendar. I’ve never had a head for recalling dates, and time has an odd, elastic quality for me. An event that went down 38 years ago will sometimes resonate with greater strength than yesterday’s happenings, and even a phrase or a snippet of song can pull my entire body back to a memory that surprises and delights with its power.

Knowing this about myself, I’ve often relied on talismans and touchstones to pull myself back to previous times. As a storyteller, and as a forgetter,  these mental way markers are critical to my work.  This is one reason why my e-mail accounts are virtually overflowing with old messages and why I obsessively check and re-up old social media accounts. Some of these contain unique access codes to my past.

Tomorrow marks five years since I received my first message from some OKCupid dude who went by the bemusing handle “spicyspiritlove.” I still have a cut/paste copy of it. And that’s helpful, since OKC doesn’t keep old messages indefinitely. On that day I was in my online dating endgame. I’d had a combative conversation with my higher power not a week prior, and the outcome was that I planned to shut down my dating accounts, take down my BDSM Sex Ed pages, get a Real Job™ and get my shit together on my own. The exception to this plan was my meeting, in the next 2 weeks, the dominant who would make these choices obsolete and reset the course of my life so that I could focus on the shit I had been fantasizing about for over 2 decades. I knew this was impossible. And I was, frankly and honestly, totally fine with this. There is a freedom to accepting reality on reality’s terms and deciding to sculpt your own niche in the world without shame, sadness or regret. 

And then this e-mail was in my account.

Hi Mollena,

wow – your profile is great (theatre, sub, unusual spiritual fodder, curvifat black chick, trembling flower of submission…) I am older than you want (60) but I have a strong German/Austrian accent. I am strongly interested in BDSM with some experience (I am top) and I do not drink any alcohol. I trust in the definition of Robert Mapplethorpe “SM means Sex and magic”.I am an artist, very successful (probably member of the of top 10 or 20 in my genre in the world), crazy, developing new spaces. Especially interested in the dark sides of emotions.I would like to tame you.

Warm wishes,

Georg

Georg Friedrich Haas, December 19th, 2013

Well.

He didn’t have any photos on his page – claimed this was due to concerns around his notoriety  – but offered to send me one as soon as he could, if that was okay.

It was, and boy was I amused when he sent them. 

To myself I thought “Any dude who is trying to get into someone’s pants and sends these photos is truly living that WYSIWYG Lyfe.”

We made a date for a couple of days later and, as they say, the rest is history. 

Of course, the story unfolded before us immediately…this is one of the very few times in my life that anniversaries are clear and memorable. Perhaps that is so that I can remember that the story is a Story, not a fairytale with fascinating twists. It is just…happening.

You can even hear the whole story here.

Happy anniversary, Mister Professor Sir.

SO much life in just five years…! 

Thank you for all of it.

Nov 052018
 

Swear to Ganesha if one more person grins at me at is all “But which is which?! HAHAHAHA!” I’ll gnaw their elbows.

The time is upon us! The award winning doc about this one Austrian composer and some Black woman storyteller – both of whom also are kinky – has been spreading like a big knüdly hug all over the world and finally we are cracking the seal in the USA.

NOVEMBER 11TH as part of the NY DOC Festival.

Much as I’d love to be all “AND IT’S SOLD OUT!!” of course it isn’t because these cynical ass New Yorkers are all “Yeah yeah. Perverts. I saw 16 on the Q this morning.” I’m sure there are lots of folks who would thoroughly enjoy seeing this strange relationship, hearing the stories, learning a bit about our histories and seeing me AS A CARTOON which is the best thing ever. Really.

You can get tickets here!

And if you’re coming to see the show…or if you’re seeing the show to come…you’re also invited to join us at a pre-show reception from 5:30PM – 7:30PM in the Disco at the Museum Of Sex!

Please spread the word. Even if you can’t make it, we need all the (word-of) mouth-action we can get!

Jul 182018
 

This week sees the publishing of one of my True Tales in an anthology and one of my Fairy Tales in another anthology that is being RE-published!

Leather Ever After” has some amazing and brilliant stories…and I’m gonna do a thing I rarely do and toot MY horn because I am swaggeringly proud of my contribution to this particular anthology.

When approached to write a fairy tale, I was initially dubious. I am not a fan of most fairy tales, and most American versions are merely cleaned up versions of brutal European stores. The few I knew of African origin didn’t feel that close to me, and the few Black American folk tales from my youth were problematic. Like the Uncle Remus stories. And then it hit me…I would make my own fairy tale one of setting right the wrongs so often perpetrated in these stories. I remembered “Tar Baby” and the rest of my own take on it wrote itself on my heart. I am excited that it will find its way back to the world. Congrats to Sassafras on this awesome feat!

 

I have been telling stories for as long as I have been speaking and I have been speaking since I was about 9 months old…so we are looking at over 48 years of me running my mouth. In the tradition of the Griot, I have share my stories and the stories of those I have encountered around the world and one of my favourite outlets is definitely the RISK! podcast. Kevin Allison is a tireless advocate of the story, and has helped to give voice to hundreds of humans and their gloriously unique stories.

One of the risker types of kink in which I have participated involves race and how it informs, permeates and – wait for it – colours all of my interactions within the BDSM, Leather and kink “communities.” I’ve spoken and written quite a bit about the topic(s) and sometimes, get a bit weary of doing so. But wen Kevin asked me to recount, in detail, my experiences with race and kink, in particular a rather notorious scene in which I’d had some difficulty, I could not say no, Story is important. The more difficult and personal, the higher the stakes and the more urgent the need to share.

SO, here you go. The book version is quite a bit edited….I’d listen to the original podcast if you want The Full Monty.

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May 282018
 

If you wanna get one of the last places in the upcoming intensive I’m conducting with the amazing, amazing support from Rowan at Making Love With God.

I have wanted to be able to get into the guts and soul of Power Exchange, and have more than 60-90 minutes to do so. I am so excited to have this chance! Over the 2-days we’ll look at service, power dynamics and how love brings it all together.

I am eager to explore:
Continue reading »

 Going's On  Comments Off on “Love, Kink & Service”LONDON! June 30 – July 1, 2018
Mar 032017
 

I realised I’ll be turning 10 this year.

I’ll be sharing a bite of this story once again – after premiering “Hyena” in Vienna and then performing it a second time in Huddersfield England – at home in New York.

After giving up on life and then finding myself energised to reject my imminent death…after being advised it was almost impossible I’d stay sober on my “first try,” after bucking the fuckng odds this long, I take absolutely no day sober for granted.

I usually become a little more ferociously sentimental around my soberversary. As I approach, Ganesha willing, a milestone, I am humbled by this benchmark. I remember all of the people who helped me get treatment, get on my feet, get back to life.

I’ll be grateful should I reach this day. And I am so grateful for all of the 3,643 days I have lived thus far.  Grateful to be able to count back to that  darkness, and count the days to a lovely moment of wonder.

Wish us luck!

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Dec 262016
 

“Toxic.” Yeah you can talk all you want about how pop music is artless, soulless tripe. I’d have probably sneered sanguinely along with you until late 2007. By then, I was as tired of that fucking song as anyone. I was also newly sober, deeply concerned for my mental health and running away from a job that had kicked my ass…a failure unlike any I’d previously experienced. I was having a solo supper, pondering the wreckage of my life, maybe 9 months of sobriety under my belt and the shadow of the demon that was my alcoholism perpetually snapping at my heels. Then this fucking song comes on. I tune it out but Spears’ autotuned forced breathiness skewered my consciousness.

 

Baby, can’t you see
I’m calling
A guy like you should wear a warning
It’s dangerous
I’m falling

I sighed, trying to tune it out but some facet of my consciousless sparked to life.

There’s no escape
I can’t wait
I need a hit
Baby, give me it
You’re dangerous
I’m loving it

Too high
Can’t come down
Losin’ my head
Spinnin’ ’round and ’round
Do you feel me now?

I could only relate on a limited basis to this song about feeling so hooked on someone…perhaps once in my life, OK, maybe…but that shit doesn’t last and wasn’t what drew me in. Continue reading »

Mar 192016
 

Those who were at our wedding – or watched it on LiveStream – were able to hear the “sketches” of two parts of a piece Georg was writing in my name to commemorate our wedding. This all came about because someone asked if we were going to have his compositions in our wedding and I was amused, since nothing he’s written to date was really of a celebratory nature and certainly not anything one would think of for an occasion such as a wedding!

Unless, of course, it was like Persephone being wedded to Hades or some shit.

But he, with traditional Austrian stubbornness augmented by the particular flavor of Styrian obstinacy, decided that of COURSE he would write music for our wedding. And it just debuted on the March 17th.

drei stucke pic

The reception for the premier? STELLAR. He received tremendous audience response and six callbacks in the curtain calls. Believe me, for an audience of mostly Germans, this is bloody epic.

When I first heard even just the sketches at the wedding, I was amazed. Sitting in the rehearsals and hearing all of these talented artists working so hard to realize his vision, I was delighted. To sit in the Prinzregententheater and hear the RIAS Kammerchor singing and the Munich Chamber Orchestr (brilliantly and passionately conducted by Herr Alexander Liebreich) bring such resplendent complexity to the piece was spiritually uplifting beyond words.

After the concert, one of the lovely members of the Choir (she was really kind to me throughout) presented us with the sweetest and thoughtfullest gift…a whole buncha little matchboxes with some perverts on the top! They’d used a photo they’d taken of us during the rehearsals.

rias kammerchor matches

How cute is that?!? ÜBERCUTE is how.

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Jul 032015
 

Seriously. This is a town in Austria.

Aaah, beautiful Fucking, Austria.

One of the things I am pondering mightily is the reality of submission as it is lived vs. the hot & horny fantasy of d/s. A time ago, I went to the Center for Sex & Culture​ to see Laura Antoniou​ talk about stuff. Not many people beside myself were there, because jaded-ass San Francisco is like that. It was great for me, though, because I got to have pretty much a one-on-one conversation with someone I respect. One of the things she said about submission being put to the test when it is difficult to obey really struck a nerve. I had been struggling for a bit with my own submission, what with being newly released after requesting the dissolution of a 2-year relationship, and feeling like perhaps I wasn’t actually cut out for this slavery thing.

She spoke of submission not really being much of an achievement when one is only doing the stuff they wanted to do and would have done anyway even without the imperative of consensual subjugation. Is it truly an act of submission if you take thirty lashes from a whip when you are an inveterate masochist who enjoys every blow? Or is the submission more profound when pain is not erotic for you , and yet you endure it for the love or joy or pleasure or whim of your dominant? Continue reading »

Jun 122014
 

...just put your lips together and blow.

…just put your lips together and blow.

Howdy from Austria. Land of schnitzel & secondhand smoke.

It has been quite a stretch of time since I have blogged. Those who are connected to me virtually via Twitter or better yet Facebook have been on the receiving end of snippets and sketches and bits about the past few months. Part of me wants to go back and reconstruct what is an amazing journey…but realizing that there are foundational pieces of our story that can’t be shared at the present has me resigned to leave it as it is, for now. An outline, a sketch, and to turn back at a future time to fill in the color, melody, nuance, details, sights and emotional depth once I am free to tell the thing as it truly is.

A few months ago I took an INSANE trip to my former home of San Francisco from my once and present home in New York, so that I could share a story. I am indebted to all of the Bawdy Storytelling fans who voted for me to appear in the 7th Anniversary show, and even more indebted to the people who donated to make that insanity happen.

When I returned from SF, my owner asked where he could see my performance. I advised it might take a little while before that happened…and yesterday, it did! We settled into bed, and I had to force myself to watch myself in the video (a thing I dread). Herr Meister was at a bit of a disadvantage because not only am I speaking at a pace appreciably more rapid than I do for his benefit, the language barrier becomes marked when you add in slang and shortcuts. A few times we had to stop while I explained, for example, what I meant by my comment that hesitancy in dominance is like a cold bucket of slime on my pussy. And I reassured him that he was not one of the slime throwers. He seemed to love listening to the telling. Continue reading »