Dec 052013
 

That is the adorably hot host, Robin Olsson!

That is the adorably hot host, Robin Olsson!

When I was in Sweden earlier this year - (and suffering from a MASSIVE middle-ear infection) I was interviewed for a show that would, eventually, air on Swedish TV.

Thanks to a sharp-eyed friend over in Sverige (THANK YOU JOHAN!) I just got word that it aired tonight on television and everything!

Continue reading »

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Nov 212013
 
All Day. Every Day.

All Day. Every Day.

Some people wonder what they can do when everyone else is following along one path.

“I’m just one person.” they insist.

“I don’t have the same ‘high-profile you have,” they tell me “nobody will listen to me.”

“Yeah, I know that person / presenter / event / group / Munch is slack on shitty behaviour….or hey, maybe they’re committing the shitty behaviour. But what can I DO ON MY OWN??”

You can be one person. One person tends to become three people. Then five.

Sitting and muttering behind your keyboard isn’t helping. Making excuses as to why you’re gonna go to that party – even though someone you know to be an asshole is running it – isn’t helping. Continue reading »

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Nov 012013
 

respectThere is no one rulebook for how to do this thing we call BDSM, Power-Exchange, Master/Slave relationships, etc., etc. One of the things I most enjoy about perverts is our limitless capacity to forge our own damn path, thank you very much! I’ve done a lot of weed-whacking through the jungles of kink in order to find ways that work for me.

This is the counterpart to Seven (Random) Suggestions for Dominant Types! Submissive and slave type people, hopefully some of the following bits will resonate for ya. As I mentioned before, these are hardly anything like hard and fast rules. My hope is that, regardless of whether your reaction is “Holy shit totally, this makes so much sense!” or “Meh.” or “Holy crap, you are so full of…of…crap!” that your reactions might spin you off into a deeper process around your own submission, and how you can best navigate the wide, wide seas of submission! Continue reading »

Jun 252013
 

PD paddle shotWhen you look at “Power Exchange” relationships – that is, relationships that are based on someone giving over control of some facet (or all aspects!) of their lives to another person – it seems obvious whose needs, wants and desires come first. The master over the slave, the dominant over the submissive, top over the bottom. Or is it? You look at someone who is obedient to another person, serves their whims and wishes, follows their commands. This seems straightforward: one takes, the other gives…pretty cut-and-dried.

But the fact is, there are responsibilities on both sides of the coin. The submissive or slave in a power exchange relationship doesn’t just sign their love, body, mind and soul away to some heartless emotional juggernaut bent on absolute domination!

Well, not for very long, if they do. Continue reading »

Apr 122013
 

His master's VoiceIn the midst of listening to my friend Midori conduct her most excellent class on “Aural Sex,” I had an epiphany and a small heartbreak. This is awkward when one is trying to simply listen and learn and absorb the teachings flowing through the moment.

While she was describing how one might use the voice to seduce, I thought about how perception of one’s own voice often varies from the reality of others. This is a science problem- we will not ever be able to hear our own voices as others hear it, because the speakers we carry in our skulls and ears will not have the emotional fidelity that hearing the voice of another carries. Add to that I am hyper-critical and hear each and every pitch break and plosive and slippery lisp whereas others give that shit a miss and just listen, and you’ll have a clue what is going on in my head and why it confuses me when people say they find my voice pleasing or sexy or what have you.

I realized though that the people who have triggered, in me, very visceral submissive responses all have had their first incursion via some particularly telling moment where they conveyed, in whispers and growls and lilting accents, their will, their lust, their desire, their curiosity, and that brought me to my knees.  Once surprisingly, once quite literally, and once a bit reluctantly but inexorably. Continue reading »

Mar 062013
 
Adiposivity - Mollena Williams

At Your Service in Exploring, Illuminating & Manifesting
Unconditional & Radical Self-Acceptance
through Sexual Freedom, Storytelling & Play.

One of the most precious gifts I have received from the BDSM, Kink and Leather Confederations is, in fact, a double-edged sword. And that is freedom to be who I am. The thing is? It kind of helps if you know who the fuck you are before you go exercising that freedom.

It also helps if you have the emotional hide of a rhinoceros because you WILL rub people the wrong way and you WILL have folks who, once they see the ‘real you,” once they have access to your most profound vulnerabilities, run roughshod over you, disappoint you, take advantage of you, and trash-talk you even as they smile and hug you in the hallway of the convention.

Once you start manifesting your authentic self, there will be plenty of folks who are willing to pull you apart because you challenge their notions of what is “good” and “right” and “proper” for “real” BDSMers. I’ve been through that wringer more than a few times.

The thing is? The more I’ve been through the wringer, the stronger I felt coming out of the other side. The more folks piled on and accused me of being “too aggressive” or “not submissive enough,” the more strongly I felt that being exactly who was and living out loud wasn’t just my option or prerogative: it was my imperative. For every relationship from which I had to walk away, I have forged friendships that span time and distance with people who have my back. For every coward who dresses me down there are those who humble me by sharing with me how something I wrote or shared made them think, changed their opinion, gave them strength, spoke to their own deep-seated longings.

And for that I am grateful.

It has occurred to me, as I have seen so many offer their services to help others is that I have been doing so along various vectors for the entirety of my life. And I really feel driven to make myself available to folks who, perhaps, cannot get to a convention or who do not need the bright-lights big-city spin of the public community. Or, maybe, the 90-minute class I taught opened up to them a new path and they’d like a little guidance. So to that end, I am going to start offering my service to folks as a mentor, BDSM Lifestyle Consultant, Personal Educator, Kinky Muse.

I do not have a formal “Business Plan” as yet. My fees will be sliding scale, and my approach will vary according to the needs of clients and those who need a friendly ear and a non-judgmental heart to receive, process and share back insights, information and joy. Let’s find a way for you to use me: my experience and expertise, my passions…so that your life shines a bit brighter.

We have all manner of communication modes at our disposal. I travel…quite a bit…so perhaps I’ll be in your city. We have Skype available to us, so maybe a video conference is your best and fastest way to have your questions answered and get the validation you might seek. Or maybe you and your partner (or partners!) wish to have an intensive weekend where I visit with you and we to the work of learning how to love and play with greater joy and abandon, with greater control and discipline, or whatever your personal blend might be.

As open as I am to this new path, I am as open to finding out what you need and seeing if I can be a guide, a siren, a goad, and a facilitator to your journey. There is no box, there are no rules, there is just that feeling you are feeling right now reading this and saying “Yes…this…THIS is what I have been looking for. Let’s give it a shot.”

Let’s start the journey…

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Jan 212013
 

photo by melvin moten jr.I could count on one hand
the number of times he kissed me
throughout the entirety of our relationship
on one hand and still have fingers to spare
to cock and trigger an imaginary gun
and I wondered if this was because he
didn’t think I was worthy of kissing
The first kiss was
the heroin dealer’s freebie
first one’s free
the second stopped just
as I felt my body begin to
touch his in a way that faded all uncertainty
the second one stopped as
he pulled away claiming the
passion that was pulling invisible leashes was
a distraction from
business things that needed
to be done and if he succumbed to that
kiss that passion who knows what might have happened
who knows
my heart knows and I suspect his did too and so
unwilling to let slip that restraint the moment passed
an untapped passion dying a gruesome lonely silent death on my tongue
protests silenced because
well.
Because it was not my place to ask for more
and my pleas for more would have seen my passion orphaned
again
as it ever was.
And the third was the last, unsavored as such since the future is always uncertain
Hindsight limning that retroactively final kiss with
some subsequent significance
Standing in flimsy borrowed robes wondering how something so simple
becomes so fraught.
A surprised tear makes its way bashfully down the contour of my cheek.
And I laugh at myself…the only measure of sanity, really.
The physics of memory defy logic
and some small truths loom larger
the further away one travels.

Jan 022013
 

...I got this.

I have no resolutions.

This isn’t as weirdly hopeless as it might sound.

I’ve spent the past few weeks fretting on one account or another. Some of it is fretting over what choices I “should” be making, what things I “should” be doing, and judging my own life and progress against that of others around me. Which is, at best, a fool’s errand and at worst results in wicked emotional gridlock and grievous self-inflicted injuries to the self-esteem.

The paths I have chosen do not have sure and steady road-maps for success. Hell, you can be at the top of your game as a sexuality educator and still have people look confused and baffled when you explain that yes, your services do cost money and no, you aren’t able to pay your own way to work for them for free.  As an actor, you can work your ass off, have an amazing cast, a dedicated crew, and a brilliant, gleaming piece of art and yet walk out to a half-empty house night after night.

I don’t select the easy path. And my organic talents are often subject to scrutiny that would wither even the strongest resolve.

But I soldier on, because there are some things I do NOT feel are options.

Giving up on myself is not an option.

Caving in to criticism from haters is not an option.

Permitting myself to live on crumbs thrown to me by those I would love is not an option. Continue reading »