Jan 182015
 

Hey kids…it has been a while, innit?

Lots happening, and some more needs to happen before i can shakedown this blog and reopen it in the way I’d like to. Some seismic shifts have pushed about my little life’s coracle and I- we – have weathered them. Some waves have been rough and once or twice, I just wasn’t sure all wouldn’t be lost. But life is good. So good.

Anyway…

I just happened upon a bit of mainstream kink. Now, what with the debacle of The Film That Shall Not Be Named – lets call it Kinkymort -opening next month, I don’t feel like celebrating mainstreaming right now.

ad29bc2eBut when I see a piece of art in the form of music video that does the damn thing – and when it is a Woman of Color – my pervy ol’ heart leaps up.

FKA twigs, you win the internet for at least the next month. And kudos to Wykd Dave for some lovely rigging.

 

Dec 192014
 

One year ago today, a rather intriguing e-mail hit my inbox on OKCupid.

One year and one week ago today, in a very demanding conversation with my Higher Power, I’d let Him know I was done with these crazy dreams and schemes I’d had. I was depressed. I was just back from a wildly unsuccessful speaking tour. I was lonely, I was creeping on the end of my savings from the job I’d left in 2010. And I was tired.

i advised my HP that Id done everything I could. Lived large. Took the big risks. I was blessed with a home, thanks to the generosity of Karen & Laura, dba The Evil Jewish Lesbian Landladies. But this amazing situation, blessed as it was, wasn’t a forever home. And I was so tired of walking on my own. It wasn’t too much to ask that I have love and unconditional support…or was it?

And as the deadline for me buckling down and being serious about getting a Default World Job and coming to a place of peace where my being single didn’t have to mean I was miserable, this message popped up… Continue reading »

Sep 042014
 

1409861390734Dear Submissive…

Submission can, and should, be many things. From torturously difficult to lightly breezy, from profoundly sexual to sublimely spiritual. However. It outright ought not feel WRONG.

If / when it does, stop.

Stop and think.

Stop and think and check yourself.

Then protect the property.

Peace.

Mo

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Jul 222014
 

...got my eye on ya...It’s the same mantra and hand wringing every few years.

“THEY ARE RUINING THE SCENE!”

“It was So. Much. Better in the (insert decade prior to current decade)!”

When people bemoan the broader acceptance and cultural destigmatization of BDSM and scoff at the hoi polloi who ruined the glory days, I can’t help but wonder what they are really mourning. Continue reading »

Dec 052013
 

That is the adorably hot host, Robin Olsson!

That is the adorably hot host, Robin Olsson!

When I was in Sweden earlier this year - (and suffering from a MASSIVE middle-ear infection) I was interviewed for a show that would, eventually, air on Swedish TV.

Thanks to a sharp-eyed friend over in Sverige (THANK YOU JOHAN!) I just got word that it aired tonight on television and everything!

Continue reading »

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Nov 212013
 
All Day. Every Day.

All Day. Every Day.

Some people wonder what they can do when everyone else is following along one path.

“I’m just one person.” they insist.

“I don’t have the same ‘high-profile you have,” they tell me “nobody will listen to me.”

“Yeah, I know that person / presenter / event / group / Munch is slack on shitty behaviour….or hey, maybe they’re committing the shitty behaviour. But what can I DO ON MY OWN??”

You can be one person. One person tends to become three people. Then five.

Sitting and muttering behind your keyboard isn’t helping. Making excuses as to why you’re gonna go to that party – even though someone you know to be an asshole is running it – isn’t helping. Continue reading »

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Nov 012013
 

respectThere is no one rulebook for how to do this thing we call BDSM, Power-Exchange, Master/Slave relationships, etc., etc. One of the things I most enjoy about perverts is our limitless capacity to forge our own damn path, thank you very much! I’ve done a lot of weed-whacking through the jungles of kink in order to find ways that work for me.

This is the counterpart to Seven (Random) Suggestions for Dominant Types! Submissive and slave type people, hopefully some of the following bits will resonate for ya. As I mentioned before, these are hardly anything like hard and fast rules. My hope is that, regardless of whether your reaction is “Holy shit totally, this makes so much sense!” or “Meh.” or “Holy crap, you are so full of…of…crap!” that your reactions might spin you off into a deeper process around your own submission, and how you can best navigate the wide, wide seas of submission! Continue reading »

Jun 252013
 

PD paddle shotWhen you look at “Power Exchange” relationships – that is, relationships that are based on someone giving over control of some facet (or all aspects!) of their lives to another person – it seems obvious whose needs, wants and desires come first. The master over the slave, the dominant over the submissive, top over the bottom. Or is it? You look at someone who is obedient to another person, serves their whims and wishes, follows their commands. This seems straightforward: one takes, the other gives…pretty cut-and-dried.

But the fact is, there are responsibilities on both sides of the coin. The submissive or slave in a power exchange relationship doesn’t just sign their love, body, mind and soul away to some heartless emotional juggernaut bent on absolute domination!

Well, not for very long, if they do. Continue reading »

Apr 122013
 

His master's VoiceIn the midst of listening to my friend Midori conduct her most excellent class on “Aural Sex,” I had an epiphany and a small heartbreak. This is awkward when one is trying to simply listen and learn and absorb the teachings flowing through the moment.

While she was describing how one might use the voice to seduce, I thought about how perception of one’s own voice often varies from the reality of others. This is a science problem- we will not ever be able to hear our own voices as others hear it, because the speakers we carry in our skulls and ears will not have the emotional fidelity that hearing the voice of another carries. Add to that I am hyper-critical and hear each and every pitch break and plosive and slippery lisp whereas others give that shit a miss and just listen, and you’ll have a clue what is going on in my head and why it confuses me when people say they find my voice pleasing or sexy or what have you.

I realized though that the people who have triggered, in me, very visceral submissive responses all have had their first incursion via some particularly telling moment where they conveyed, in whispers and growls and lilting accents, their will, their lust, their desire, their curiosity, and that brought me to my knees.  Once surprisingly, once quite literally, and once a bit reluctantly but inexorably. Continue reading »