Jul 032015
 
Seriously. This is a town in Austria.
Aaah, beautiful Fucking, Austria.

One of the things I am pondering mightily is the reality of submission as it is lived vs. the hot & horny fantasy of d/s. A time ago, I went to the Center for Sex & Culture​ to see Laura Antoniou​ talk about stuff. Not many people beside myself were there, because jaded-ass San Francisco is like that. It was great for me, though, because I got to have pretty much a one-on-one conversation with someone I respect. One of the things she said about submission being put to the test when it is difficult to obey really struck a nerve. I had been struggling for a bit with my own submission, with being newly released after requesting the dissolution of a 2-year relationship, and felt like perhaps I wasn’t actually cut out for this slavery thing.

She spoke of submission not really being much of an achievement when one is only doing the stuff they wanted to do and would have done anyway even without the imperative of consensual subjugation. Is it truly an act of submission if you take thirty lashes from a whip when you are an inveterate masochist who enjoys every blow? Or is the submission more profound when pain is not erotic for you , and yet you endure it for the love or joy or pleasure or whim of your dominant? Continue reading »

Mar 062015
 

As International Ms Leather 2010, I weathered my own share of controversy. The IMsL 2015 has already weathered quite a bit of controversy. Those of you who have been following along on FaceBook and FetLife don’t need a rehash, but suffice to say that we’ve been waging wars on many fronts, starting with this image, which was to be the 2015 t-shirt.

IMSL

I saw it as problematic FIRST and FOREMOST because your main job as IMsL / IMsBB is outreach. Kiiiinda hard to do that with a dickgun shirt. Secondly, in this climate of terrible gun violence, I thought it was insensitive to have a sexually violent image on the shirt for a women’s Leather event. This isn’t a handshake-image.

Many people thought this was true. Still others thought it a “politically-correct over-reaction.” In the ensuing debate, some really busted shit happened. People I trusted violated my trust and insulted me. Lines were drawn and the conversation got real ugly. I was accused of being a hypocrite, because I have dome edgy scenes. As if engaging in consensual BDSM role-play means I cannot stand against non-consensual violence? How that makes any sense is beyond me. But I digress… Continue reading »

Jan 182015
 

Hey kids…it has been a while, innit?

Lots happening, and some more needs to happen before i can shakedown this blog and reopen it in the way I’d like to. Some seismic shifts have pushed about my little life’s coracle and I- we – have weathered them. Some waves have been rough and once or twice, I just wasn’t sure all wouldn’t be lost. But life is good. So good.

Anyway…

I just happened upon a bit of mainstream kink. Now, what with the debacle of The Film That Shall Not Be Named – lets call it Kinkymort -opening next month, I don’t feel like celebrating mainstreaming right now.

ad29bc2eBut when I see a piece of art in the form of music video that does the damn thing – and when it is a Woman of Color – my pervy ol’ heart leaps up.

FKA twigs, you win the internet for at least the next month. And kudos to Wykd Dave for some lovely rigging.

 

Dec 192014
 

One year ago today, a rather intriguing e-mail hit my inbox on OKCupid.

One year and one week ago today, in a very demanding conversation with my Higher Power, I’d let Him know I was done with these crazy dreams and schemes I’d had. I was depressed. I was just back from a wildly unsuccessful speaking tour. I was lonely, I was creeping on the end of my savings from the job I’d left in 2010. And I was tired.

i advised my HP that Id done everything I could. Lived large. Took the big risks. I was blessed with a home, thanks to the generosity of Karen & Laura, dba The Evil Jewish Lesbian Landladies. But this amazing situation, blessed as it was, wasn’t a forever home. And I was so tired of walking on my own. It wasn’t too much to ask that I have love and unconditional support…or was it?

And as the deadline for me buckling down and being serious about getting a Default World Job and coming to a place of peace where my being single didn’t have to mean I was miserable, this message popped up… Continue reading »

Sep 042014
 

1409861390734Dear Submissive…

Submission can, and should, be many things. From torturously difficult to lightly breezy, from profoundly sexual to sublimely spiritual. However. It outright ought not feel WRONG.

If / when it does, stop.

Stop and think.

Stop and think and check yourself.

Then protect the property.

Peace.

Mo

 BDSM  Comments Off on For Submissives…
Jul 222014
 

...got my eye on ya...It’s the same mantra and hand wringing every few years.

“THEY ARE RUINING THE SCENE!”

“It was So. Much. Better in the (insert decade prior to current decade)!”

When people bemoan the broader acceptance and cultural destigmatization of BDSM and scoff at the hoi polloi who ruined the glory days, I can’t help but wonder what they are really mourning. Continue reading »

Dec 052013
 

That is the adorably hot host, Robin Olsson!

That is the adorably hot host, Robin Olsson!

When I was in Sweden earlier this year – (and suffering from a MASSIVE middle-ear infection) I was interviewed for a show that would, eventually, air on Swedish TV.

Thanks to a sharp-eyed friend over in Sverige (THANK YOU JOHAN!) I just got word that it aired tonight on television and everything!

Continue reading »

 BDSM  Comments Off on ” 69 saker du vill veta om sex!”
Nov 212013
 
All Day. Every Day.

All Day. Every Day.

Some people wonder what they can do when everyone else is following along one path.

“I’m just one person.” they insist.

“I don’t have the same ‘high-profile you have,” they tell me “nobody will listen to me.”

“Yeah, I know that person / presenter / event / group / Munch is slack on shitty behaviour….or hey, maybe they’re committing the shitty behaviour. But what can I DO ON MY OWN??”

You can be one person. One person tends to become three people. Then five.

Sitting and muttering behind your keyboard isn’t helping. Making excuses as to why you’re gonna go to that party – even though someone you know to be an asshole is running it – isn’t helping. Continue reading »

 BDSM  Comments Off on Be “That Guy.”
Nov 012013
 

respectThere is no one rulebook for how to do this thing we call BDSM, Power-Exchange, Master/Slave relationships, etc., etc. One of the things I most enjoy about perverts is our limitless capacity to forge our own damn path, thank you very much! I’ve done a lot of weed-whacking through the jungles of kink in order to find ways that work for me.

This is the counterpart to Seven (Random) Suggestions for Dominant Types! Submissive and slave type people, hopefully some of the following bits will resonate for ya. As I mentioned before, these are hardly anything like hard and fast rules. My hope is that, regardless of whether your reaction is “Holy shit totally, this makes so much sense!” or “Meh.” or “Holy crap, you are so full of…of…crap!” that your reactions might spin you off into a deeper process around your own submission, and how you can best navigate the wide, wide seas of submission! Continue reading »