May 232010
 

I’m on the morning of the last of my performances of the revival of 69Stories. Interestingly, this revival is a format somewhat different than previous iterations. More interactive. More real-time. Riskier-feeling for me, but it seems to work well.

The riskiness I experience is this: when I tell the stories, a part of me is there. I don’t mean that in some kinda actingy way. I mean I rewind to how that felt, and pick up where that left off. I have the capacity to do total physical and emotional recall, and this is a lot cooler and a lot more fucked-up than it sounds.

Especially when you’re recalling something that you…want.  And won’t ever have again.

I don’t mean this in some kinda sad-sack, bust out weeping violins way, I mean it in a grounded, realistic fashion. No experience is cell-for-cell repeatable.

For better and for worse.

When I tell the story of the first time I understood that submission wasn’t about brute force, that you could get there just from the whispered words of the right person? I won’t ever have precisely that experience again. But I can stand there, night after night, and replay that braintape. Down to what my feet felt like. Down to the light sheen of sweat on the small of my back. Down to the inexplicable (well, not really but at the time, sure.) arousal and physical manifestation of the same that I experiences, making me slippery and dazed for a long, long time afterward.

You’d think this is kind of cool, and it is. Don’t get me wrong. But there is a price to be paid, and when you unpack that shit, it sometimes doesn’t want to go back into the place you packed it. It comes out, stretches, yawns, looks you in the eye grinning toothily and says

OK, you invoked me. Here we are. How do I look to you now? Have I changed in the years since we danced in chronological “realtime?” Have you distorted me? AM I really real? Slippery mercurial memory…catch me if you can, baby…

I’ve been doing some unpacking and I can’t pretend it does not have resonance outside of a couple of hours onstage, because it does.

When I share about the events, people, sights and sounds that all add up to who I am today, and I have to look at it, objectively even, I feel an odd affection and detachment.  My life = entertainment and What The Fuck is THAT about?

I know it isn’t ONLY that. I know I am not only here to amuse and sing and dance.

At least I think I know that.

Sometimes I wonder, though. Is it REALLY better to have loved and lost than to never have loved? Because if you have never had that crazy-ass roller-coaster ride, you can’t know how it is, right? And then you won’t know how brutal the landing can be. And then you won’t have to see how the taproots into your id won’t ever ever be fully excisable.

Maybe that blissful ignorance at which I sneer, which I reject in favor of the beauty of The Experience, in fact carries its own intrinsic value?

Maybe. Maybe…but there is no story in that. And above all, I am here to tell.  To tell on and about myself.

To tell stories…to be the kinky griotte for those whose stories are rarely told.

SO yeah, it is better. And worse. And I’ll take it, thank you.

May 142010
 

Thank you to my friend Pinky, for IMsL2010 Barbie!

It has been a month since the International Ms Leather contest. One month ago today, I was in a dazed haze, worrying about the opening number, freaking out about the interview, praying I wouldn’t completely melt down before the weekend was over.

Thanks to Glenda, tomo, Ms. Rhonda and Levi for pulling together a stellar group of people to make this event happen.

Thanks to my friend Tee, for pulling it (and me) all together.

Thank you, Patti for anchoring me backstage.

Endless thanks to everyone who donated to help IMsL’s silent auction.

Thanks to Lamalani and Pony, for setting the stage and showing us how that shit is DONE. Continue reading »

Apr 082010
 

Yay!

For those who weren’t jammed the FUCK into the Happy Ending Lounge for In The Flesh NYC on March 18th, your time has come!

I performed one of my favorite stories there. You can read it here and you can watch it below.

Here is the first part…

…and here is the rest!

Enjoy! And thanks to Rachel Kramer Bussel for all of her hard work and awesomesauciness!

Mar 302010
 

Get your tickets now!

YES! I microwaved and updated my shit for a new streamlined version of the original smash hit 4-peater, 69Stories: One Pervert’s Tale!

Some of your fave old school stories, some new even stickier stories, a few years of sobriety and the chance to intimately probe my brain are what’s new!
Read all about it in the official fancy press release and click the postcard above to buy tickets!
Mar 242010
 

photo courtesy of @Viviane212

So often one wonders how they wind up who they are. At least I do. I will be in a moment, living, thinking, doing whatever it is I’m doing and then part of my consciousness will pull back for a moment and say to the rest of my consciousness “Whoah. Really? Is this really happening? ‘Cause…well…you know. That’s pretty….wow. Just, yeah.”

I am just back from a multi-stage trip that took me to Chicago for SINSations In Leather and then to New York for …well, for so much more than I have even been able to process. For those who are unaware, life’s been hurtling along in many ways, some good, some a bit scary…but good.  I’m no longer an employee of Penthouse Inc by way of serving as Sr. Editor for Bondage and ALT. Thank Ganesha I’m out of debt, in a rent-controlled flat, and able to collect Unemployment Insurance. I hardly had time to soak up this life shift but I was off to Chicago and home to New York. Continue reading »

Oct 112009
 

Busy and bumbling, that is:-)

I am getting swamped by rehearsals for an amazing show I’m in, and you should come see it. Hell, I got peeps coming from bloody Wisconsin and Florida to see it! “Drip” is gonna be OUTSTANDING.

I am in the home stretch for the Ms. SF Leather Contest! Continue reading »

Oct 062009
 

Got some gigs booked for NYC, people! I am deeply delighted honored and straight up wiggly at the prospect of going Home and being able to perv out with new and old friends.

Here is the line-up so far…and if you know of a venue or organization whom I ought to contact and squeeze in to this trip, give me a holler!

LSM LogoI’ll be presenting for the FANTASTIC Lesbian Sex Mafia on March19th. As of now, I’m leaning towards the class on “Playing with Taboos” HOWEVER I am open to suggestions! Continue reading »

Aug 112009
 

Bawdy Storytelling

The pretty-dang-awesome Dixie DeLaTour nudged me on Twitter today to see if I might be able to talk to some people about sex tomorrow night. And hey, it turns out I’m free :-)

I’ll be talking about one of my long-time fantasies brought to real-time…kind of, at least! I talked a bit about it in this post, but I still haven’t really written a lot about it yet. Some things need to simmer a while, but it will be cool to have the chance to share it as it is: raw and real.

Continue reading »