Dec 102011
 

 

10 Second Petty Pet Peeve Rantlet.

Note | 42 Comments · 3 Love It | 

 

Yeah I know its psycho…

HOWEVER!

<rantlet>

Because I make a point of not calling other people’s dominants / masters “Sir”/”Ma’am” in that formal subbly way? When other people do that with…um…with certain people… it makes me want to hold them down and lick their eyeballs until they promise to fuckin’ STOP.

I mean, Jeezy Creezy…it was months before I addressed him as such and I asked permission to do so. Yeah I know: it is MY problem, and it is MY issue and MYprotocol and MY panties in a wad about it. Sue me!!

And…I know I’m Shit Outta Luck on this one, and especially in his case but…

Lickety lick lick.

</rantlet>

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Other people posted comments, some of which I specifically replied to. I can’t post their stuff, but I’ll post my responses, as they clarify my initial rantlet!

The best direct example I can think of is people who use “sir” or “Ma’am” in place of the person’s name. There is, to me, a difference between saying “Excuse me, ma’am, have we met?” or “Thank you for your help, sir.”and saying “Sir, would you please pass this slave the salt?” with downcast eyes and shit. It is an attitude thing. the “formal subbly way” is an energetic that is wrapped around the honorific, implying a submissiveness that hasn’t been established. It is one of those “I know it when I see it.” things, yanno?

It is cool you’ve not met people who talk down to or try to insist on their titles being in your mouth even without any negotiation. It almost never happens to me, either. But I have seen other dominants do it to submissives, and I DO* occasionally get double takes when I am introduced to Lord Master Muckitymulch” and I smile and say “Nice to meet you, Muckitymulch.” because that is as much of a title I will usually use for people I do not serve.

I know many people who will use other’s titles, who see no harm in it, and just don’t give a shit if people wanna be called “Mistress Princess Domina Sparklyass” and will do so. It just isn’t my thang ;-)

And…

well, firstly. I’m just talking about my own shit here ;-) Iabsolutely do not subscribe to anything that dictates unilaterally how people “should behave.” Politeness and courteousness, same as I would provide in the Default World, is what everyone I meet gets. I’ll be dipped in pigshit and rolled in bat guano before I will defer to someone simply because they have decided they have a title, or simple because someone else refers to them as such.

That’s my Modus Operandi.

If you or anyone else feels smooth and groovy calling folks by an honorific because they tell you, if it turns you on to call any/everyone by whatever title they decide suits ‘em, that is cool. I simply make clear to peeps I don’t roll that way. ;-)

The “appropriate respect” is, IMO, the same for everyone. It pisses me off that people seem to think that someone who is aroused by / identifies wit dominance is somehow worthier of respect than I am because I’m aroused by and identify with submission. We who submit are equals to everyone, as humans, unless we choose to submit to a particular person/people, etc. Assumptions chap my hide. Again, my pet peeve. Someone behaving submissively towards my dominant is taking liberties they’ve not earned. Same way if some other person rolled up to me and addressed me as “girl.” If their face survived the withering look I would give them, I sure as fuck would be up in it explaining how rude it is to address me by the title permitted to my sir by dint of his worthiness to have authority over me.

Everyone can and should, I think, be as formal as they want. But in the same way we discuss our relationships I believe we absolutely would do well to discuss how it is we relate.

Courtesy I will give by default.Respect is earned over time, and is bolstered by behaviour and interaction.
Deference is granted by my choice, and according to my standards.

Your role in kink and or Leather has nothing to do with my treatment of you. Your character and integrity has everything to do with it.

Hopefully this helps you get my take on this!

Peace

Mo

Furthermore…

Well, you know I get having very deep emotions triggered. I had a deer-in-headlights thing happen to me when I first had an interaction with @TheDominantGuy that set off the alarm bells letting me know he was certainly on the prowl. However. I still refrained from using honorifics until I had clarified that I felt compelled to do so AND I had obtained his permission, and we agreed the dynamic was mutual.

In 18 years of being consciously submissive, I’ve met 4 people who elicited the type of response you speak of. My wiring is a bit different, because in only 2 of those circumstances did my normal self-protective energy fail to deploy. My initial response is to scent the wind and be friendly and open, but not to demonstrate a lack of control. But I’m a New Yorker so we are bred and trained to avoid showing our squishy underbellehs at all costs!

Again, everyone reacts differently, etc. My resistant exterior has served me well, even though it weeds out almost all d-types and has kept me unowned for a decade and a half. Could be if I were more instawibbly, I would have more people approach me. But then again again…? I’m fine with where I am now. :-D

Feb 172010
 

I love perverted sex. In fact, some of the perverted sex I love the most is considered too fucked up for public consumption by other kinky people.

I love kinky people. The community, warts and all, is a home for me.  And like any extended weird family, we have our disagreements.

I know for a fact that there will be people reading this who are on the other side of this discussion. But when it comes to talking shit about people who don’t do sex the way we do, I have strong opinions.

When I’m in a room full of kinky people and someone says “I feel so sorry for the poor vanillas. I just don’t get how they could be so lame!” and goes on to expand on how kinky sex is the best way to have intimate relations, that “they” will “never understand” how much “better” our sex is, and I see the majority of people in the room nodding or clucking their tongues sympathetically, I realize something.

We become that which we reject when we paint people who don’t fuck the same way that we do with a broad brush.

The two best lovers I have ever had weren’t “kinky.” According to them. They were sadistic, deliciously sick, fucked up sex maniacs. They slapped me around, said all sorts of horrible shit to me, fucked my brains out, and still felt pretty good about themselves.

Neither one of them had ever taken a Kink class, set foot into a play party,  or could tell SSC from WTF.

Now you “Enlightened” perverts can pooh-pooh that and wink knowingly and say “Oh, yeah, they were kinky. They just didn’t know it yet.”

But who the fuck are you to tell people how they should identify?

Kinky sex is NOT, by default, better sex. It is for YOU if you are kinky. People who don’t do BDSM are not all  ignorant or unenlightened. Continue reading »

Dec 302009
 

I received this solicitation on a BDSM dating site.

And I quote….

Master[REDACTED]
Age: 37
Gender: Man
Location: New Hampshire, United States
Message: Hi babe :) I like what you have to say in your profile sugar :) LOL I’m a Dom looking for a slave whore to do what ever I want her to do :) LOL it looks like you are what I’m looking for honey :) but you’d have to move :( I live in NH :D but I’m willing

I experienced a range of emotions.  Sadness, Rage. Shock and awe. Disgust. Despair. The desire for a cupcake to make the pain go away.

So, of course, I sent it to everyone  I know.

inspiring the following exchange with me and my WebMaster.

void: but could you deal with a dom with a thick Naw Hamshar accent?

Mollena: I can’t deal with ANYONE who EVER thinks it is ok to approach a slave with that language.

Mollena: I hate him so much.

void: Hi baab  :-) I like wha’ ya ha’e to say in ya profile shuga  :-) LOL I’m a Dom lookin fah a slave whoore to do wha’ eva I wan’ hah todo :-)  LOL it looks like ya what I’m lookin fah honey :-)  but ya’d ha’e to move :-( I live in N’Hampshah  :-D but I’m willin”

void: I mean, really

void: what kind of a dom uses emoticons?

Mollena: are you trying to make me cry?!

Mollena: red, dude

Dec 302009
 

From Formspring…

Q: When a relationship ends, what is the best approach for moving on and regaining self, things that you lost while in that relationship?

A: This is so mutable.

(Which is OK. Gemini’s a mutable sign. I’m good)

The circumstances of the relationship have EVERYTHING to do with the breakup.

  • How long was the relationship?
  • How amicable was the breakup?
  • How was the breakup itself handled?
  • How respectfully are you treating one another in the aftermath?
  • Were children or other significant others involved?

Etc etc  etc.

Continue reading »

Dec 092009
 

Rod Jetton: Flawless Triple Douchebagger.

Ugh. Republicans. AGAIN with the sex scandals!!

OK, to be fair, that is certainly a blanket statement, and I shouldn’t be so flippant. ALL public figures get themselves into sexual loggerheads, right? And hell, my ex, Jack, was a registered Republican and I’ve certainly taken a few tumbles with conservative types. Shit, I even had a torrid affair with a hot blonde Republican from Concord who was the child of missionaries. But she was really hot. Hotness trumps political affiliation.

Usually.

My point is this…people who trumpet in public are the strumpets in private. I’m so over this scandal and that scandal with these people who yammer about morality and then wind up with their pants down in bathroom stalls and their dicks in the orifii of someone not their wife.

Usually I just roll on past these with a sigh but this Jetton douchebaggery has cut a little closer to the bone.

Why?

The Trifecta. Continue reading »

Nov 282009
 

say it loud!A woman I greatly admire and who I recognized as being one of those soul-family people when we first met recently wrote a blog post on FetLife. It kind of is the zenith to my recent post’s nadir-gazing miasma, and I’ve obtained her permission to repost it here.

Continue reading »

Nov 252009
 

Before you talk shit about the resonance of this image, know that a poly group on FaceBook uses this as their image ;-)This one is the total fault of @sexisfuncoochie. That’s what you get for asking an innocent question.

OK. Um, Mo here, talking about being (mostly) mono in a poly world. And by “poly world” I mean the BDSM community as I experience it.

I’ve been around a while, and I am not a shrinking violet when it comes to hopping around the country chilling with my Leather and Kinky and Sex Positive and Freaky Peeps. And due to this, many assume I play all the time, everywhere.

This is not the case.

Continue reading »

Oct 062009
 

Booya!Too many people, overwhelmingly on the bottom / submissive side of the kink equation, have a tendency to have a “let it slide” attitude.

You know.

You meet someone, they are very aggressive on the first date, move too fast, but because you emerge unscathed, you “let it slide.”

Someone pushes a limit, but maybe you didn’t make it clear…maybe it is your fault…so you “let it slide.”

Someone talks about you to another person in a manner that is derogatory or too personal or just makes you uncomfortable and rather than addressing them directly about your feelings you “let it slide.”

Well, fucking stop that shit.

Continue reading »

Sep 182009
 

I strive to swerve online drama. I have been doing the “online thing” for a while now. Not as long as some, but longer than others.

I still become honestly puzzled by people who assume that a common sexual bent will somehow filter out jerks, losers, douchebags, whiners, predators, evil beings, and just plain old fashioned annoying folks.

The BDSM “Scene”, the Leather Community, all of these things are, at best, a skewed microcosm.

Don’t be so foolish as to think that bonding over bondage makes the person next to you on that St. Andrew’s Cross any more intelligent, sensitive, or open-minded than the guy depositing your check at the bank.

In the same way that a safeword provides only a modicum of insurance (some would argue a false sense of security as well) the “feeling of community” does NOT assure you that all is warm and fuzzy.

Continue reading »