Yeah I know its psycho…
Because I make a point of not calling other people’s dominants / masters “Sir”/”Ma’am” in that formal subbly way? When other people do that with…um…with certain people… it makes me want to hold them down and lick their eyeballs until they promise to fuckin’ STOP.
I mean, Jeezy Creezy…it was months before I addressed him as such and I asked permission to do so. Yeah I know: it is MY problem, and it is MY issue and MYprotocol and MY panties in a wad about it. Sue me!!
And…I know I’m Shit Outta Luck on this one, and especially in his case but…
Lickety lick lick.
The best direct example I can think of is people who use “sir” or “Ma’am” in place of the person’s name. There is, to me, a difference between saying “Excuse me, ma’am, have we met?” or “Thank you for your help, sir.”and saying “Sir, would you please pass this slave the salt?” with downcast eyes and shit. It is an attitude thing. the “formal subbly way” is an energetic that is wrapped around the honorific, implying a submissiveness that hasn’t been established. It is one of those “I know it when I see it.” things, yanno?
It is cool you’ve not met people who talk down to or try to insist on their titles being in your mouth even without any negotiation. It almost never happens to me, either. But I have seen other dominants do it to submissives, and I DO* occasionally get double takes when I am introduced to Lord Master Muckitymulch” and I smile and say “Nice to meet you, Muckitymulch.” because that is as much of a title I will usually use for people I do not serve.
I know many people who will use other’s titles, who see no harm in it, and just don’t give a shit if people wanna be called “Mistress Princess Domina Sparklyass” and will do so. It just isn’t my thang ;-)
well, firstly. I’m just talking about my own shit here ;-) Iabsolutely do not subscribe to anything that dictates unilaterally how people “should behave.” Politeness and courteousness, same as I would provide in the Default World, is what everyone I meet gets. I’ll be dipped in pigshit and rolled in bat guano before I will defer to someone simply because they have decided they have a title, or simple because someone else refers to them as such.
That’s my Modus Operandi.
If you or anyone else feels smooth and groovy calling folks by an honorific because they tell you, if it turns you on to call any/everyone by whatever title they decide suits ‘em, that is cool. I simply make clear to peeps I don’t roll that way. ;-)
The “appropriate respect” is, IMO, the same for everyone. It pisses me off that people seem to think that someone who is aroused by / identifies wit dominance is somehow worthier of respect than I am because I’m aroused by and identify with submission. We who submit are equals to everyone, as humans, unless we choose to submit to a particular person/people, etc. Assumptions chap my hide. Again, my pet peeve. Someone behaving submissively towards my dominant is taking liberties they’ve not earned. Same way if some other person rolled up to me and addressed me as “girl.” If their face survived the withering look I would give them, I sure as fuck would be up in it explaining how rude it is to address me by the title permitted to my sir by dint of his worthiness to have authority over me.
Everyone can and should, I think, be as formal as they want. But in the same way we discuss our relationships I believe we absolutely would do well to discuss how it is we relate.
Courtesy I will give by default.Respect is earned over time, and is bolstered by behaviour and interaction.
Deference is granted by my choice, and according to my standards.
Your role in kink and or Leather has nothing to do with my treatment of you. Your character and integrity has everything to do with it.
Hopefully this helps you get my take on this!
Well, you know I get having very deep emotions triggered. I had a deer-in-headlights thing happen to me when I first had an interaction with @TheDominantGuy that set off the alarm bells letting me know he was certainly on the prowl. However. I still refrained from using honorifics until I had clarified that I felt compelled to do so AND I had obtained his permission, and we agreed the dynamic was mutual.
In 18 years of being consciously submissive, I’ve met 4 people who elicited the type of response you speak of. My wiring is a bit different, because in only 2 of those circumstances did my normal self-protective energy fail to deploy. My initial response is to scent the wind and be friendly and open, but not to demonstrate a lack of control. But I’m a New Yorker so we are bred and trained to avoid showing our squishy underbellehs at all costs!
Again, everyone reacts differently, etc. My resistant exterior has served me well, even though it weeds out almost all d-types and has kept me unowned for a decade and a half. Could be if I were more instawibbly, I would have more people approach me. But then again again…? I’m fine with where I am now. :-D