How to Guarantee I Won’t Date You.

I received this solicitation on a BDSM dating site.

And I quote….

Age: 37
Gender: Man
Location: New Hampshire, United States
Message: Hi babe :) I like what you have to say in your profile sugar :) LOL I’m a Dom looking for a slave whore to do what ever I want her to do :) LOL it looks like you are what I’m looking for honey :) but you’d have to move :( I live in NH :D but I’m willing

I experienced a range of emotions.  Sadness, Rage. Shock and awe. Disgust. Despair. The desire for a cupcake to make the pain go away.

So, of course, I sent it to everyone  I know.

inspiring the following exchange with me and my WebMaster.

void: but could you deal with a dom with a thick Naw Hamshar accent?

Mollena: I can’t deal with ANYONE who EVER thinks it is ok to approach a slave with that language.

Mollena: I hate him so much.

void: Hi baab  :-) I like wha’ ya ha’e to say in ya profile shuga  :-) LOL I’m a Dom lookin fah a slave whoore to do wha’ eva I wan’ hah todo :-)  LOL it looks like ya what I’m lookin fah honey :-)  but ya’d ha’e to move :-( I live in N’Hampshah  :-D but I’m willin”

void: I mean, really

void: what kind of a dom uses emoticons?

Mollena: are you trying to make me cry?!

Mollena: red, dude

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  1. Heidi Anderson on December 30, 2009 at 4:44 PM

    Do you think he screams OMFG when he comes?

    • mollena on December 30, 2009 at 4:46 PM


      I seriously Howled, just now, in my cube.

  2. kahlana on December 30, 2009 at 4:48 PM

    Sounds like a wannabe HNG to me. He’s probably 50 lives in mom’s basement, has more hair on his back than a gorilla, smells like stale sweat, wears a tee-shirt with a bad rendering of the crew from the original Star Trek with queso dip running down the front, is missing most his teeth, wears glasses that havent been cleaned since he got them from the Walmart optician 10 years ago, and has a name like BubbaGeorge! Oh and don’t touch his video games or he’ll use his ray gun on you!

    Don’t take this to heart sweetie, he probably sends the exact same message that he has cut and pasted, to every sub/slave/switch he can find who hasn’t got a Master attached to her somewhere.

    • the void on December 30, 2009 at 5:00 PM

      possibly also, a fisherman

  3. The Hooker Chronicles on December 31, 2009 at 5:13 PM

    Good lord! Everything about this was wrong!

    He called you sugar!! LOL

    Jesus take the wheel
    .-= The Hooker Chronicles´s most recent blog moment of Zen on the net was…My response to Beverly Fishers question about Courtesans =-.

  4. Jay Gaultieri on January 1, 2010 at 6:45 AM

    Did you really take this seriously? The only thing sad I could see about it was how he thought he’d win a woman over with a solicitation like that.

    • mollena on January 13, 2010 at 2:56 PM

      Well, I do believe he was making a sincere effort.
      A dreadful, insulting, stupefying and sincere effort.



  5. Wendy Blackheart on January 4, 2010 at 7:01 PM

    Heeeey, I use emoticons! ^_^ Just not as much as that guy. Also, I’m not a tool.

    • mollena on January 13, 2010 at 2:58 PM

      The Tool Quotient thing is VERY critical, dude.


      ((smooches on you))