The Dominant Guy
On “closure…”
I’m pondering a misconception I’m releasing around what it means to have “closure.” I’ve been struggling mightily with what felt like a really crippling blow to my self-esteem. I kept performing autopsies on my relationship with The Dominant Guy to try to figure out what more I could have done to make it…
Read MoreBeautiful obstacles.
Sometimes it is very easy for me to share my story. I run to the keyboard and pour out an idea that has sprung to mind, or eagerly type out the results of some brainhamster action. And other times, I agonize over every word, humming “Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood…â€Â tersely under my breath…
Read MoreThe Dominant Guy & flashlights & labels.
Today @TheDominantGuy and I had some time to have a phone date. Which I love so very much.  There are still Big Ass Things on the table to discuss and that might have gone down…but the second stage of emotional heavy-lifting didn’t happen. We got to catch up on other stuff. And actually just talk,…
Read MoreSome late-evening disjointed ramblings & bullshit, really.
I am just rambling a bit…I have a great deal on my heart and on my mind but the process is still in process and lots of it really is a bit more personal than can be dissected in the public forum of blogs and such. But I have to write something, and I’m…
Read MoreWhen heartache brings happiness? That’s Hot.
Hello! My name is Mollena and I’m an Alcoholic Submissive Masochist Slave Masochist Ponygirl Emotional masochist Yeah all of those are labels I use to create space where I can be me safely. But that last one…not so easy to embrace. I’ve waded through accepting a lot of shit I thought I’d never be…
Read MoreBreaking in the Slave.
I hadn’t cried like that in a long, long time. Crying is something I usually do for very short bursts, then it ebbs. Maybe a minute? Tops. And then I have done what I needed to do and can either sit with the emotion or start to recover from whatever triggered the collapse. But this…
Read Morequiet
I’m no longer surprised that I have this reflexive compulsion to obey The Dominant Guy. That was a given since we first met. What does continue to surprise me is the depth of how far that compulsion goes, and how I sincerely obey before I have even processed what he wants. Submitting when you are…
Read MoreWhen submission is a dry biscuit.
So…long-distance relationships are teh lame. We can agree they are not really all that ideal. Some times are easier than others. And there is a terrible amount of pressure on the time you can eke out to be together virtually, because by the time you have the bandwidth to talk, goddammit, it had better be connected,…
Read MoreRelocation…? Bonus.
SO, OK. Um…its like…it feels like… It feels like I’m smashing my head up against a hard rubber wall is what it feels like. I spent some time during one of my classes at the Folsom Fringe event calmly muzzling my increasingly agitated Dæmon, Bubbles. There was a discussion going on about…
Read MoreThe cauterized heart.
I was nonplussed to find myself trailing along…again…trying to keep up with The  DominantGuy which is a challenge on a slow day and OMFG! WTF!! SMH… on a busy day. And I turned around and he’d vanished, again. And I’m standing there, feeling at loose ends. Waiting. Again. Much of being in service is…
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