I want to thank the folks at Kinkfest once again. What a well-run event, and how much of an honor it is to be able to spend time there. Even if I weren’t presenting, I’d attend KinkFest. They do a smashing job. Deepest Kudos to Mike. His patience and generosity towards me were remarkable.
These days, going to BDSM events is no longer a “Vacation” from “Real life” for me. Alternative Lifestyle stuff IS my job right now. And so it is kind of surreal to wake up after spending 4 days awash in leather and kink and think “OK, back to…umm…back to the porn and the cock-shots and the videos of people conducting themselves scandalously!”
People often ask me if I’ve “Had a good time?” at BDSM events, once I return. Usually they want to hear tales of ribaldry, hot scenes, sordid sex, tawdry encounters…I can say I haven’t many. In the past year, I’ve been asked to play at a BDSM event…once. I’m not complaining about that. I’d trade any number of standard-issue scenes for that particular encounter.
But it is an odd rift to receive the support and awesome feedback that I do when I present and, at the end of the night, go back to my room alone. This might sound pathetic, but I avoided even going to the Dungeon playspace because the thought of watching so much of the energy and heat and connection that permeates big play parties race past me and know I had no outlet was too daunting a prospect.
At the end of the weekend, a friend I’ve gotten to know a bit online who was also in attendance was kind enough to come to meet me for breakfast. As I was pissing and moaning being single at a big KinkCon, he pointed out that it isn’t always easy for dominants and tops to approach submissives. Not that I was unapproachable, but that the whole situation is skewed.
So…dominants have a tough time approaching submissives?
Yeah, I know, they’re only human.
But Jeebus, ain’t that their fucking job? To swagger in, grab you by the throat and sweep you to your knees?
Yeah, way to set the bar impossibly high, Mo.
I realize I have a rather unique set of benchmarks for my submission. I’ve rarely done anything that would look like a kinky courtship. My history is such that I’ve been pretty much smitten from the get-go by anyone towards whom I was inclined to submit. I have knee-jerk visceral reactions and voila, I’m on the ground in tears wondering what truck hit me.
I love that.
And that is a tall order.
I’m not unapproachable. I know I am easy to talk to, to embrace, that I listen well. I know I am compassionate with people, and I’d never be harsh or cruel. But that does not, my friend assured me, make it any easier for people, especially dominants, to make that approach.
On the one hand fine. I mean, if you don’t think you can take me down…well…you can’t.
This also means that I don’t get swarms of douchebags skeeving me, and I don’t have to fend off poseurs all of the time.
I think I can live with this.
My new friend did make sure to warn me that I’ll not be safe from him next we are within proximity.
And I think I can live with that too.