Kinkfest II: Electric Boogaloo.
Today’s class went well. Minax was FAN-fucking-TASTIC! Whatever people say about us Twins, I’ve found working with other Gemini people is amazing for me because the fluidity and spontaneity isn’t seen as flakiness or strangeness and the capacity for on-the-feet-thinking is mirrored.
I am honored that she trusts me enough to gamely step up to the plate…at TEN A.M., FOLKS…and bring SO MUCH to the presentation.
Curtsy
Minax. Thank you. You honor me deeply. I’m proud to stand next to you and share.
OH! Before I forget. The badass fucking Buddhist monk I mentioned in class is Thich Nhat Hanh. Go immediately and buy all of his shit. Start with THIS book, as it is the WIN.
I had some troublemakers in the back of my class…Mister FetLife, John Baku, and several cohorts were the Detention Row…the Group W Bench back there. I’d be more harsh on them for being so irreverent but for two facts:
Voodoo Doughnut. INsanity. Yes, bitches, those ARE Cocoa Puffs.
1) I don’t take myself nearly seriously enough to give a fuck and
2) He gave me a Voodoo Doughnut. It is called the Triple Chocolate Penetration
(chocolate doughnut, chocolate glaze, and cocoa-puffs)
’Nuff said.
Post-class I had a really overwhelming amount of kick-ass feedback. I think I may have to believe that there isn’t a national plot to blow smoke up my ass and yeah, I do well in presenting in Kink and I can relax a little and not get so nervous that I am nauseous before classes.
We’ll see how that works.
I had a moment of connecting with another woman who kind of eerily mirrored back to me the feelings of frustration I have in finding partners. Sure, OK, I pound my own coffin nails into any chance I might have of finding someone when I tell a room full of people I’m not easily intimidated or intellectually or physically dominated and you had best be fucking ready to prove to me why MY time is worth sacrificing to you. I realize this. But I have this compulsion ot tell my truth. What can I do?
As we were talking after the class I said something…I dunno what…and she looked at me and said “Wow I can really see how that impacts you…your energy just totally dropped right now.”
Note to self: there ARE people who “See” you, and you aren’t fooling them.
Ever.
But those are the people who you need to reach out to. They’ll be the ones to help when the mask DOES need to come off.
After the class I was thinking about what I’d just said, and all of the conditions, caveats and such I have learned, over the years, are important to me.
And I was sad.
Why would anyone bother with someone like me when they can have a far, far easier time with any number of other slaves or submissives? Or a number of them at once? Subs and slaves who are grateful to even HAVE a place to serve, who aren’t fussy and want to have that connection, unimpeded, un trammeled, and, to he honest, singular?
Have I set myself up for failure by being so stringent?
Possibly.
Time will tell…blah blah yadda.
I’d an awesome lunch with some wonderful folks. I talked a lot. But I guess that was OK…they were asking me about stuff and I aims ta please!
I went to the vendor area and OMFG fell in love with and splurged in a GORGEOUS leather skirt…fitted through the knee and flared beneath. I also ordered a matching bolero jacket.
I think they will look lovely.
Well, I should try to scrounge some food.
I have another class tomorrow…what is it…edge play? Something or other.
Though what is edgier than just LIVING in the present moment? Not bloody much.
Why would anyone bother? Because you’re worth it. *shrug* Never settle. You know what you want, and you know when someone’s not going to be able to provide that for you. That’s a good thing.
Yes, it may prevent you from connecting with some people…but those are the people that wouldn’t be the ones you need anyway. _Fuck_ settling. You may be a submissive, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get what you need out of a relationship.
Basically, you rock, and you deserve a partner that’s gonna rock too. *nods*
That said, and a complete non sequitor, but on your sidebar in the ‘Cravin mo’ Mo’ section: The facebook link. I glanced at it and read it as “Facebook, Biotches!” but then realized it said Biotechs…Did your spellchecker get you? *grin*
Reply
Comment by Panthera Pardus — March 29, 2009 @ 6:53 am
Girl I KNOW it is the right thing to do, to know what I need and to realize that I welcome in the energy that I project, and I can only have my needs met if I leave space for those needs. But it kinda drags. Sometimes.
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/001395.html tht is the quote from http://www.OverheardinNewYork.com that inspired that modification…..among my buddies. “Biotech” has taken over and ia a part of the lexicon!
Love
Mo
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Panthera Pardus Reply:
March 29th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
*roflmmfao* Okay…I’m the dumb teen. Touche! *giggle*
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Comment by mollena — March 29, 2009 @ 8:52 am
I don’t think you are setting yourself up for failure. As you have said many, many times, you have to know yourself. By being honest and upfront you are letting people know who you are and what your needs are. And you needs are valid and important.
If you were not being a picky bitch, that would be setting yourself up to fail, as you would not get what you ultimately need and would throw yourself deeper and deeper into a black hole until you reached your limit…
So stop beating yourself up, and let someone else do it.
-Michael
P.s. Ali (who was in your class) loves you too
Reply
mollena Reply:
March 29th, 2009 at 9:44 am
Hey sweetie
Oh gosh if I took my own fucking advice to heart and internalized it, I’d be far, far more likely to remain in my Zen state of happy energy flow of win, huh?
I have no desire to live in that state of feeling “Less Than,” not ever. Tough to stick to core values when they feel like they betray you and leave you in emotional wastelands, trudging along alone. But you know, it ultimately IS NOT OK for me to be compromised in that way. Soul sickening, you know?
Peace.
(((HUG)))
Mo
Reply
Comment by Freakbear — March 29, 2009 @ 9:09 am