Scene digestion, step one.
I often write “scene reports” but have not had the opportunity to as it has been a long time since I’ve played in a scene-specific context. This is like a new re-re-restart, so i am putting a new process to the test! Rather than just give the blow-by blow (Sigh. Yeah, yeah.) I am thinking in broader terms of emotional context and unpacking the experience as it happens for me. This is an excellent opportunity for me to do this as I have a pretty good frame of mind in terms of expectation, and trusted all parties involved in tis scene to be honest and open and have matched expectations. W00t!
Stage one: deconstructing
what has not changed:
The internal struggle that often resolved in me doing shit that derails logical thought.
The surge of gratitude at being recognized, and “seen”, by a trusted friend.
The really surreal sense of dissolution when I submit to an act or a behaviour that takes me past my comfort level.
My ^%$# accent issue.
what has changed:
My sense of HAVING to engage in a type of play in order to be accepted and cared for.
My willingness to experiment in edgy-play with less-well-known quantities.
My pain tolerance.
Diminshed sense of loss and “adriftness” post-scene.
So, now you have had time to decompress, what are the things in that scene that you would most like to do again, and what would you least like to do again?
The things that stick in my mind were the couple of times I pushed past your pain tolerance, once with the tawse across your shoulders and once with the plastic clothes peg on your nipple. (Taking it off, rotating it 90 degrees and putting it back on again is a trick I will have to remember.) Then there was the caning at the end, the snuggling after the scene, and the squick reaction I got from the shaving foam in your lips.
By the way, you didn’t do a very good job of polishing my boots. You clearly need lots more practice.