Loving the flaws.

I strive to swerve online drama. I have been doing the “online thing” for a while now. Not as long as some, but longer than others.

I still become honestly puzzled by people who assume that a common sexual bent will somehow filter out jerks, losers, douchebags, whiners, predators, evil beings, and just plain old fashioned annoying folks.

The BDSM “Scene”, the Leather Community, all of these things are, at best, a skewed microcosm.

Don’t be so foolish as to think that bonding over bondage makes the person next to you on that St. Andrew’s Cross any more intelligent, sensitive, or open-minded than the guy depositing your check at the bank.

In the same way that a safeword provides only a modicum of insurance (some would argue a false sense of security as well) the “feeling of community” does NOT assure you that all is warm and fuzzy.

In fact, I feel it is an insult to the individuality and humanity of the people who make up any sub-group to ascribe an ethical code that is supposedly to be held as law by all.

This is LIFE. There are gonna be bad actors as well as dreamboats.

Be responsible.

Protect yourself.

This (gestures vaguely) around you is not your own persona playpen. No bubble-wrap is handed to you at the door when you come out of the cold and declare your pervitude.

I take community where I can find it. Some aspects of it work for me, other aspects of it do not. But I look askance at the flamewar junkies, the perpetual victims, the white knights, the provocateurs, the soapboxers,etc. We ALL feel that way sometimes! But to make it the baseline in the symphony of your life makes you about as danceable as a fucking Philip Glass “symphony”

I would not choose to spend my time writing something or speaking on a subject that did not really truly compel me in my heart.

This is not true of everyone.

The heart of the “troll” is FUELED by the mere swirling of controversy. We’ve all seen this. The excessively provocative post on a blog, the snide comment in an e-mail. The catty comment on a blog. And Most of us fall prey at some time.

Because we are human.

However…all that being said? I love the BDSM and Leather Commnity.

I love it because It is made up of PEOPLE. People who are everything from never-been-kissed twenty-somethings dreaming of their Very First Bondage scene to a very real predator who may well be Out To Get You.

Because that is LIFE, and I love life.

I cannot say that I have not been sucked into controversy in the past.

I remember one of the first flamewars I which I was involved gave me headaches and woke me up crying in the middle of the night. Funny thing? It involved were people I ACTUALLY KNEW and would see at the next dungeon party, Munch, what have you. This kind of kept us honest. Being a prick anonymously from behind your keyboard and spewing your venom is a facile exercise when you can be reasonably assured that you won’t be glaring over a patty melt across from the person whose intelligence, punctuation, honor and grammar you have trounced.

As I become more and more involved on all sides of the Leather Community…the business end, the entertainment side, the Educational facet, all I see in sharper focus is this:


And I love that.

Even after being attacked verbally, harassed and indirectly threatened…and knowing that it sure as hell will happen again, I am so supported ans I feel so much love from fellow kinksters, friends and strangers, I cannot help but be buoyed up and find strength in that support.

So…thank you. Everyone. FOr my frieds who help me stay strong, and for the haters, who helm be remember to be grateful.

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  1. thepinkpoppet on September 19, 2009 at 6:58 PM

    I have never understood how just because I may be on the same online site as someone else, they think we share some sort of connection. Because I may possibly have the same “bent” as another, they think I am their “sister in submission” or their “compatriot”. We are all human and share that. Within a certain country, we are citizens of THAT country, or state, or town. Within the BDSM/Leather/Kink/spanko/whatthefuckever communities the individual kinks vary widely and it is good and right and an individual thing. I respect others that have different kinks than mine, I would like for them to respect me as well. But it does not always happen like that does it? So sorry to hear that you have had to endure threats and harassment. You would think that the kink world would be more accepting of everyone. Big hugs.
    .-= thepinkpoppet´s most recent blog moment of Zen on the net was…Master Leaves Tomorrow (pics) =-.

    • mollena on September 23, 2009 at 10:59 PM

      It surprises me less…and I wish that weren’t the case, every time someone gets really in my face aggressive about our differences.

      But you are absolutely on point: one level of similarity does NOT make us brethren and sistren. Can’ ever EVER forget that!



  2. lamesabassman on September 20, 2009 at 8:27 PM

    now that we got that out of the way…. smile…

    lamesabassman….. where are the cool places to eat in San Fran and your favorite dish….

    • mollena on September 24, 2009 at 12:19 AM

      Oh my gosh! There are FAR to many places for me to name…too many!

      I love a good steak, so I will visit Ruth’s Chris when I need a quality hunk of beef. I know, not particularly “San Francisco,” but my VERY favourite steakhouse, Original Joe’s, closed due to fire and hasn’t risen from the ashes…

      For a truly epicurean orgasm, Fleur De Lys is my choice, while Taqueria CanCun is my daily burrito place. Osha Thai is where I go for my Thai needs…their Mango Sticky Rice is Ganesha’s Gift to Desert.

      Emmy’s Spaghetti Shack kicks my ass repeatedly with the beauty of life’s simple pleasure: spaghetti & motherfuckin’ meatballs…while the CLiff House has a view to kill for, and lovely light fare as well.

      And do NOT get me started on Shanghai Dumplings over at Shanghai Dumpling King…I’ll just weep and gesture vaguely as you sit there waiting for me to finish…

      • lamesabassman on September 24, 2009 at 9:22 AM

        will be up there doing some gigs in a few weeks and am so glad you were able to map out my food needs
        am so glad you’re as deep into food as you are into Life…..

        lamesabassman…. maybe I’ll run in to you somewhere while eating…. yum…