Breaking in the Slave.

I hadn’t cried like that in a long, long time. Crying is something I usually do for very short bursts, then it ebbs. Maybe a minute? Tops. And then I have done what I needed to do and can either sit with the emotion or start to recover from whatever triggered the collapse. But this…

Read More

When submission is a dry biscuit.

  So…long-distance relationships are teh lame. We can agree they are not really all that ideal. Some times are easier than others. And there is a terrible amount of pressure on the time you can eke out to be together virtually, because by the time you have the bandwidth to talk, goddammit, it had better be connected,…

Read More

Relocation…? Bonus.

SO, OK.   Um…its like…it feels like…   It feels like I’m smashing my head up against a hard rubber wall is what it feels like.   I spent some time during one of my classes at the Folsom Fringe event calmly muzzling my increasingly agitated Dæmon, Bubbles. There was a discussion going on about…

Read More

The cauterized heart.

Relax. Its a cake.

I was nonplussed to find myself trailing along…again…trying to keep up with The  DominantGuy which is a challenge on a slow day and OMFG! WTF!! SMH… on a busy day. And I turned around and he’d vanished, again. And I’m standing there, feeling at loose ends. Waiting. Again.   Much of being in service is…

Read More

Feeling safe in feeling human.

As a submissive – someone who prefers relationships where there is a mutually beneficial unequal power dynamic – I have done quite a bit of self-exploration around my needs and desires. And as someone who seeks out a master / slave relationship – a relationship where one human secedes power and control over themselves on…

Read More

One year. Today.

In one year…   I have grown so much. I’ve pushed myself beyond the bounds of what I thought I needed to find joy, what I thought I found desirable, what I thought was possible.   It was a year ago today I shook hands with a man who, I would very soon learn, was to…

Read More

backlash

I’m starting to envy those who actually have time for “drop.” That whole “con-drop” thing isn’t something I’ve personally processed, it isn’t a cycle to which I’m accustomed, because I always have the next convention on the horizon. And the rare times I go over a month without a major kink event are the times…

Read More

Service animal.

Having a memory as surreal as mine is, occasionally, amusing. I can recall some conversations with freakish clarity, be they the day before yesterday or Valentine’s Day 1993. But please don’t ask me what I ate for lunch yesterday. So this makes for fun times when I buy something for myself, totally forget, then feel…

Read More

Submission: better than “A gift.”

I think about Various & Sundry Things and Stuff all of the time. And I question pretty much everything. This includes a great deal of thought about kinky stuff. Since my first explorations of Leather and BDSM via books and online bulletin boards, I’ve read and listened to a great many ideas. And there are…

Read More

Ignorance = Freedom

On Sunday, September 5th, 2010, I got hit in the face with an epiphany about my journey in Leather, in slavery, that shifted my paradigm, re-routed a stifling blockage of self-pity, and enabled me to take back a part of me that felt broken and damaged.   It was a massive reset.   I was…

Read More