Personal
On “closure…”
I’m pondering a misconception I’m releasing around what it means to have “closure.” I’ve been struggling mightily with what felt like a really crippling blow to my self-esteem. I kept performing autopsies on my relationship with The Dominant Guy to try to figure out what more I could have done to make it…
Read MoreBeautiful obstacles.
Sometimes it is very easy for me to share my story. I run to the keyboard and pour out an idea that has sprung to mind, or eagerly type out the results of some brainhamster action. And other times, I agonize over every word, humming “Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood…â€Â tersely under my breath…
Read MoreI’m the 48%.
I’ve been going to see healthcare professionals about my sexual health since 1985. I was sixteen, and my boyfriend and I were fucking one another’s brains out with predictable results. I’d a scorching UTI, and Planned Parenthood was most accommodating. Since then, I’ve been quite attentive of my sexual health. Regular pelvics, started up my…
Read MoreWhat I’m not saying.
The past month or so has been difficult in ways I’ve not seen before, and to a degree I’ve not previously experienced. I’m used to doing my processing out loud, and it has helped me immensely. I thrive on tossing up my inner workings, letting them come to light, welcoming others to join the…
Read MoreNew on Sexis Magazine: “See Mom, It’s Like This…”
I was inspired to write a piece about coming out to my Mom about being kinky. I was inspired by a moment of very deep gratitude when i saw a friend talking about how unaccepting her Mother had been about her sexuality. So fucking Uncool. I’m doubly proud that, when I called Mom to ask…
Read MoreUnnatural submission.
When I first became involved in the kink community, I ran into plenty of people who held themselves to a very high standard. Of course, being an overachiever, I did as well. And then I started running into people who branded themselves as “naturals.” These rarefied few were willing to share about how dominance…
Read MoreBroken and grateful.
I have no fucking idea what the hell I’m doing…it seems all I can do to remember to breathe. Wonderful. You’ve finally understood what has always been true. The breath you are taking right now is all you really ever have. I’ve been working hard on meditating, and have been less than…
Read MoreWho are you to change us?
 So LilyLoyd posted a response (On FetLife) to my recent post about training. (The same post is here on this blog) As I mentioned in that post, I have had many hours of brainhamster energy spent running around about training in the BDSM and Leather context. What it means, how it is done, what the purpose is, why…
Read MoreThe Dominant Guy & flashlights & labels.
Today @TheDominantGuy and I had some time to have a phone date. Which I love so very much.  There are still Big Ass Things on the table to discuss and that might have gone down…but the second stage of emotional heavy-lifting didn’t happen. We got to catch up on other stuff. And actually just talk,…
Read MoreWhen heartache brings happiness? That’s Hot.
Hello! My name is Mollena and I’m an Alcoholic Submissive Masochist Slave Masochist Ponygirl Emotional masochist Yeah all of those are labels I use to create space where I can be me safely. But that last one…not so easy to embrace. I’ve waded through accepting a lot of shit I thought I’d never be…
Read More