Which is a pithier queryÂ than one might think.
See, being uninitiated in the vagaries of my journey and experience within the BDSM community, he couldn’t haveÂ been aware of how charged aÂ question this was for me.
For some, kissing is prerequisite for all sexual activity.Â No making-out?Â Â No second base, no third base, noÂ scoring at all.
But the politics of kissing are often very complex.
I had a playÂ partner who was semi-poly. He was permitted certainÂ types of play outside of his primary relationship, but kissing wasÂ NOT on the list of permitted activities.
An odd act for his primary partner to claim as her own? Not really.
The act of kissing before, during and after a scene can do a great deal in terms of intimacy, in accessing vulnerability, in offering comfort. Yes, justÂ a simple kiss. Lacking that type of connection, many bottoms felt very differently about scening.
“He never even kissed me! It was weird, I felt…used.” one sub said to me, after playing with this top.
“Did you ask in negotiation about what heÂ could and couldn’t do? He is pretty upfront about that kind of thing.” I asked.
She shrugged “ItÂ never occurred to me to ask.”
Many things never occur to us when weÂ jump, headfirst, into the headyÂ pool of BDSM. It is so inviting, forbidden, hot sexy and outrÃ©, we often miss theÂ fact that one of the simplest and most basic of acts can be the key to a deeper intimacy than we ever expected.
The last relationship in which I was involved featured lots of kissing, and I had forgotten how fucking amazing a long make-out session can be. He was in the habit of keeping his eyes open while kissing and I would be surprised anew when I opened my eyes to find him intently watching me as I became lost in this simple sensuality. That alone was, now and again, enough to abruptly pull me into one of those sweetly subtle full body orgasms that catch me unexpectedly, and delightedly and leave me giddy and breathless, wondering if I really just came or if I imagined it.Â But it wasn’t ever imagined.
If you can’t fuck me with your mouth, how are you going to handle fucking all of me at once?
“Do you like kissing?” becomes a dusty,Â unused portal into the sexuality of your partner when all of the bigger flashier bells andÂ whistles and whips and paddles andÂ Wartenburg Wheels are taken away.
IÂ have found my most submissive moments without the aid ofÂ toys,Â tropes and props.
And my most intimate moments fully dressed, in the midst of an act you can get away with pretty much anywhere.
Yes, I love kissing, is myÂ answer.
Thank you for asking.