Lifting My Voice.
Part of the process of running for International Ms Leather was coming up with a “Fantasy” segment. I had a small (dis)advantage as I’d already performed one for my run for Ms. SF Leather, and was satisfied with how that went. I decided, somewhat controversially (and against several recommendations,) to reproduce the performance verbatim for the International competition.
I have the rare (and, surprise surprise) further controversial move of having video of the performance available for those who were unable to join us for this amazing competition. Thanks to Q, who I am proud to stand beside in Leather, and as Chosen Family.
I’m not unfamiliar with the fact that my story, my life, my practices, make some uncomfortable. I also know that I live my life to honor my God and those I love. My intention is to tell a story…my story…in a way that is facilitated by a lifetime of training and practice in performance and storytelling.
Some people have a simple straightforward path to their Leather lifestyle. And some of us have a more…challenging path.
Now isn’t the time for me to backpedal or apologise.
Now is the time to facilitate dialog, stay in transparency, to walk in integrity.
To be honest? I haven’t watched the video. I can hardly listen to the song without my insides curling up and tingling and exploding,
And if you wanna buy the version featured, you can do so here.
And if you want to examine the thoughts of someone who saw the contest and floored me with their analysis, you can read it here.
And if you are a member of FetLife and want to read the very personal process of someone who saw the fantasy, was challenged by it, and honored the spirit of the message by thinking and sharing her thoughts, you can do that here.
Look, I know it isn’t the easiest thing, to see something that mirrors some of the darker aspects of our American history. But I am not in the business of avoiding darkness.
I honor my ancestors, the women and men who fought and struggled and died. I am well aware that I wouldn’t enjoy the freedoms I sometimes take for granted without that which has gone before.
If my worship doesn’t look like yours, that’s OK.
We all have our own paths to walk.
At first, I wasn’t unsure that your choice of song – one that as a child I was taught to revere and view as the Black National Anthem – was appropriate. But as I watched you, your struggle, liberation and subsequent choice to return to the manacles and I understood the choice. This piece is brilliant. Truly.
And while some of the commentary you have directed us to here raises the question of whether everyone understood what you were trying to accomplish with this performance, whether people realized that the piece operated on many levels, I think isn’t as important as it being thought-provoking. I doubt anyone walked away from your performance without reflecting on at least one aspect of it – be it race, gender, sexuality, D/s…I certainly have a lot to think about myself.
.-= Aurore´s most recent blog moment of Zen on the net was…Loneliness =-.
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mollena Reply:
May 5th, 2010 at 5:00 pm
Hello, Aurore
Thank you for watching, and for taking the time to respond. I have been truly humbled and a bit surprised that the vast VAST majority of feedback has been positive…not easy, not gung-ho rah-rah, but supportive and thoughtful. And that means a great deal to me, especially as vulnerable as I feel putting it out there.
That it is challenging and a little tough is OK, I think. It is all that and so much more, for me.
Thank you.
Peace
Mollena
.-= mollena´s most recent blog moment of Zen on the net was…Folsom Sneak Peek, Bitches! =-.
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Comment by Aurore — April 25, 2010 @ 6:08 am
Wow- that was amazing. I watched somewhat unsure of what I would see.
You are an amazing story teller and an example for submissives and all women.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us all.
.-= Bad Bad Girl´s most recent blog moment of Zen on the net was…Yes, I watch a lot of porn =-.
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mollena Reply:
May 5th, 2010 at 5:16 pm
Thanks Lady
As terrifying as it is to do? I wouldn’t change anything.
Love
Mo
.-= mollena´s most recent blog moment of Zen on the net was…Folsom Sneak Peek, Bitches! =-.
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Comment by Bad Bad Girl — April 25, 2010 @ 6:54 am
holy shyte my sister! that was just….. damn i am lost for the right words. it brought me to tears and then some. Well done!!!
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mollena Reply:
May 5th, 2010 at 5:59 pm
Thank you so, so much.
I am honored that it was evocative for you, and humbled that you took the time to share that!
Peace
Mo
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Comment by lea_lesclave — April 27, 2010 @ 7:02 pm
You are so cool. Keep being yourself!!
.-= The Wandering Star´s most recent blog moment of Zen on the net was…New York City and the Drag Kings =-.
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Comment by The Wandering Star — April 28, 2010 @ 8:15 pm
I was unable to be present for Ms SF Leather as well as IMsL, much to my disappointment. I was curious to know just what exactly you would do for both – having known you since about the time you stepped into the community here, I had no doubt it would touch many people. I had heard about your choice and paused to reflect on why you would travel down THAT rabbit hole… what were you hoping to evoke/inspire/illicit from your friends/audience/witnesses?
I vaguely recognized the name of the song, though when I heard it, it was more familiar and struck a strong emoional chord within me; tears came to my eyes. As I watched your form and listened to the crowd, I nodded when the cheers erupted as you entered, I was slightly amused by your choice. Why? Because only you would have the balls to do this as a fantasy, because I wondered if it really WAS a fantasy for you, because I would expect nothing less from you. In all our exchanges over the years, our words have always provoked thought and amusings in me for many days after – I anticipate nothing less from this…
I watched this video after hearing about it from other people, after reading the links you shared, so much of that ran through my head as I stared at the screen. I think I would have been shocked if I didn’t know what was coming. I wondered if I understood it as a black woman would. I wondered if your point was to provoke so much thought, then dismissed it; of course you did. But then I paused and wondered about the many layers the first link you shared wrote about…. would I have been that aware? To catch all of that without it having been planted in my head? I would like to think so, but am unsure.
All I can be sure about is that only YOU would do a fantasy like that… yes, because we are all f*#king snowflakes… but also because few people have your courage to stand up and do so. And not back down.
And I adore you for it.
And now, I am going to go and think for a bit on this…
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Comment by Kyrana — May 3, 2010 @ 3:04 pm
[...] you to my (inexplicable) Doppelganger and brother-in-spirit Q, for being there, for capturing my “Fantasy,” and for bouncing The Hungarian. Nothing is as gratifying as a former bouncer being [...]
Pingback by International Ms Leather 2010 | Being IMsL: Month #1 — May 15, 2010 @ 12:29 am
[...] you to my (inexplicable) Doppelganger and brother-in-spirit Q, for being there, for capturing my “Fantasy,” and for bouncing The Hungarian. Nothing is as gratifying as a former bouncer being [...]
Pingback by The Perverted Negress » IMsL2010: Monthly Wrap-Up. — May 15, 2010 @ 12:48 am
Standing ovation! It was wonderful Mo. You were great. I wish I coulda been there, how fun.
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Comment by Voodoo Princess — June 3, 2010 @ 3:42 pm
[...] the “Fantasy” that was a substantial part of my winning my current “title”http://www.mollena.com/2010/04/lifting-my-voice And sure, you could read all of the work I’ve done in the BDSM & Leather communities and [...]
Pingback by The Perverted Negress » Why racism can be hilarious. — December 21, 2010 @ 11:19 pm
THAT was bloody awesome!
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Comment by vanimp — January 30, 2011 @ 1:07 am