Jan 142014
Namaste Exhale

Namaste, namaste!

I am superfucking picky about reviewing shit, endorsing stuff, reviewing toys, permitting advertising on my site…all that shit. Why? because I’m lazy. Yep. I often do not wanna do the work it takes to vet people, places and things for inclusion on my site.

(That’l likely change soon, because I need to monetize this fucker. Bandwidth don’t pay for itself!)

However, in this case, I’m-a straight up plug & push a retreat that is being created by a woman I love and respect very much.

When I say I don’t look up to many people in the Leather Lifestyle, people assume it is because I’m a snobby asshole. OK point. But the MAIN reason is that my heart & soul can REALLY only “look up” to people who resonate with me on a number of levels . One of the basic levels is a woman who identifies as powerful, who is submissive, and identifies as a slave and is also Black.

So, you can see why the field is fucking narrow. Continue reading »

 Going's On  Comments Off on We interrupt this program to bring you a commercial message.
Jan 122014

2014-01-10 01.30.17-1I was more anxious than happy when I received an IM from The Composer. It was the middle of the night for him, and he had responded to one of my e-mails letting me know he was only up for a bit and was going to sleep once he was done working. The anxiety stemmed from the fact that my message was less than cheery. I’m dealing with (yet more) dental issues and navigating Medicaid to get the care I need isn’t as simple a thing as one would hope. Being from Europe, the vagaries of our healthcare system are opaque to him, and being a poor kid, I careen wildly between irrationally ragey and then panicked reactions when I have to even TALK about this shit. Let alone do the research and phone calls and make appointments only to be told no, sorry, YOUR particular brand of poor folks healthcare isn’t the RIGHT kind of poor folks health care so just take your poor ass somewhere else, poor person.

But I digress. Continue reading »

Nov 272013

popeyeAah, online dating. I’ve been registered with online dating sites of all stripes since the fledgling days of my tiptoed explorations into the internet, and have seen many come and go. One of the worst of the BDSM / kink slums is CollarMe.com. My profile there is maintained purely for comic relief and passive gathering of choice moments of “My Gods, can they really be serious??”

Take, for example, today’s skeet-to-the-eye… Continue reading »

Sep 162013

Photo courtesy of Down the Rabbit Hole

Welcome to e[lust] – The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #51? Start with the newly updated rules, come back October 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

When the sex isn’t great

The Least You Can Do <– Eee! That’s me! 

I don’t know how to dominate

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~


Why I Need Him There.

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

First lesbian love Continue reading »

Sep 052013

salvador-dali-time-crashI recently started getting to know a man, having recently met online. Anyone who has done this square-dance knows how tough it is to establish sufficient mutual interest on a dating site and then establish, rather quickly, a pattern of contact and interaction comfortable and reasonably sustainable for all involved parties. Add to that distance and it gets to be quite a complex emotional ecosystem.

This man has, thus far, been good about returning email, we started on Skype, and have been in some sort of contact daily….that is, until he mentioned he was going to have a really packed couple of days of business and travel and would be back in touch toward the end of the week. I thought it was pretty cool that he mentioned it beforehand, and wished him well in his business.

Then, of course, because I’m me, I went into circular loops of ridiculous hyperspeculation where I froze and microtomed and analyzed each and every cell-layer within our interactions and tried to figure out how to survive TWO WHOLE DAYS without an epic rambling Skype chat. It is funny how quickly one can grow accustomed to and desirous of contact with someone, eh? Continue reading »

Aug 092013

no distance.I remember as a kid wondering if people felt things on their insides when they had feelings in their head. Like when I was so nervous the skin on my back felt molten hot. Or so anxious my teeth would hurt and my fingers and palms thrum. Or when I stepped onstage and heard in my chest the heartbeats of all of the people sitting in the expectant dark waiting to hear me tell the Story. I remember getting strange looks when I tried to meander into this line of questioning. “Does it hurt…does it hurt you to feel?” Raised eyebrows and confused laughs teach kids to shut the fuck up. I found ways to cope. Be funnier. Be louder. Be the best. Then, drink more. Then, fear death. Then, stop drinking. Then, meet your demon. For real. Continue reading »

Jun 132013


Onstage for my plenary at AASECT…and I got a standing ovation! Squeek! [Photo credit: Dr. Ruth Neustifter]

When one falls behind in something, it is often difficult to catch up. Falling behind, feeling overwhelmed, and then getting hit repeatedly with One Thing After Another can leave a Negress feeling…well. Like there is no way to really do justice to everything, so why bother?

Well, that’s a shit attitude and the expectations I set for myself are sometimes high and sometimes foolhardy. I’ll go with the latter and do a bullet point synopsis of the past month as to catch y’all up and hopefully get my head on right in the process. Those of you who follow me on Twitter or Facebook know some of the sorry saga, so you can feel good about already having the jump on things!

I had a trip to Sweden and London in the works last I blogged. I can sum it up thusly:


Let’s cut to the bullet points, shall we? Yay! Continue reading »

Apr 282013


I was able to attend the International Ms Leather contest last week and for the main event, I did myself up in my pony garb. I am still getting used to showing up places in that character, and it took me quite a while to get comfortable with that facet of my kink.

I am not sure I am still entirely comfortable.

But what is life as a pervert for if not growing and challenging what it means to be a fully realized sexual creature?

have some pony gear, and I do enjoy the look and feel of it. Last winter when I was in London, my dear friend Patti, who was also visiting from the US, took me out to the theater. And then took me out to Harrods, where she gifted me with some pony accouterment.

One is a stiff, bristly brush. This show crop I am holding in this photo is the other.

It has not been used yet…I did, however, stumble across it as I was repacking my suitcase. It is beautiful…bouncy yet firm. And tightly stitched in leather, capped with tidy silver ends.

I haven’t yet had the opportunity to have either the crop or the brush incorporated into a scene, but perhaps soon…I will be in Sweden where Mistress Rebecca Wilcox will be delighted to see Oracle again. And I’ll also be in London, conducting a few classes. Perhaps I will bring Oracle along there, too, and see if anyone might be interested in meeting Oracle. I do love finding the strange headspace of animal role-play…and I  have been told she is quite charming!

Happy Sinday!

Sinful Sunday

Apr 112013

As a result of the fallout from Abiola Abrams most excellent column that dealt with non-consensual race play – in which I was quoted – I was contacted by The Grio, which is a pretty big deal news outlet geared towards African-Americans.  Or Blacks. Whichever you prefer. I’m all for brevity and I like saying “BLACK!” so I opt for the latter.

But I digress.

So, The Grio is seeing this huge blowup about this column, they see me being all “No, you guys, sometimes it is OK.” And so they were all “So, race play. Tell us about that.”


<deep breath>

OK. I’ll try. Again

I wrote as well as I could, and I doubt the’ll run my replies unedited. In the interest of journalistic integrity and shit, I’m posting the whole of what I wrote so that, if something is lost in translation, (or oft-necessary brutal editorial brutality) there will be a record of all I shared.

Q & A for The Grio (complete)

Continue reading »