Which is a pithier query than one might think.
See, being uninitiated in the vagaries of my journey and experience within the BDSM community, he couldn’t have been aware of how charged a question this was for me.
For some, kissing is prerequisite for all sexual activity. No making-out? No second base, no third base, no scoring at all.
But the politics of kissing are often very complex.
I had a play partner who was semi-poly. He was permitted certain types of play outside of his primary relationship, but kissing was NOT on the list of permitted activities.
An odd act for his primary partner to claim as her own? Not really.
The act of kissing before, during and after a scene can do a great deal in terms of intimacy, in accessing vulnerability, in offering comfort. Yes, just a simple kiss. Lacking that type of connection, many bottoms felt very differently about scening.
“He never even kissed me! It was weird, I felt…used.” one sub said to me, after playing with this top.
“Did you ask in negotiation about what he could and couldn’t do? He is pretty upfront about that kind of thing.” I asked.
She shrugged “It never occurred to me to ask.”
Many things never occur to us when we jump, headfirst, into the heady pool of BDSM. It is so inviting, forbidden, hot sexy and outré, we often miss the fact that one of the simplest and most basic of acts can be the key to a deeper intimacy than we ever expected.
The last relationship in which I was involved featured lots of kissing, and I had forgotten how fucking amazing a long make-out session can be. He was in the habit of keeping his eyes open while kissing and I would be surprised anew when I opened my eyes to find him intently watching me as I became lost in this simple sensuality. That alone was, now and again, enough to abruptly pull me into one of those sweetly subtle full body orgasms that catch me unexpectedly, and delightedly and leave me giddy and breathless, wondering if I really just came or if I imagined it. But it wasn’t ever imagined.
If you can’t fuck me with your mouth, how are you going to handle fucking all of me at once?
“Do you like kissing?” becomes a dusty, unused portal into the sexuality of your partner when all of the bigger flashier bells and whistles and whips and paddles and Wartenburg Wheels are taken away.
I have found my most submissive moments without the aid of toys, tropes and props.
And my most intimate moments fully dressed, in the midst of an act you can get away with pretty much anywhere.
Yes, I love kissing, is my answer.
Thank you for asking.