Triple Douchebaggery, Rod Jetton Style

Rod Jetton: Flawless Triple Douchebagger.

Ugh. Republicans. AGAIN with the sex scandals!!

OK, to be fair, that is certainly a blanket statement, and I shouldn’t be so flippant. ALL public figures get themselves into sexual loggerheads, right? And hell, my ex, Jack, was a registered Republican and I’ve certainly taken a few tumbles with conservative types. Shit, I even had a torrid affair with a hot blonde Republican from Concord who was the child of missionaries. But she was really hot. Hotness trumps political affiliation.

Usually.

My point is this…people who trumpet in public are the strumpets in private. I’m so over this scandal and that scandal with these people who yammer about morality and then wind up with their pants down in bathroom stalls and their dicks in the orifii of someone not their wife.

Usually I just roll on past these with a sigh but this Jetton douchebaggery has cut a little closer to the bone.

Why?

The Trifecta.

Trifectas of Douchebaggery are a rare thing, and they are to be honored for the head shaking cobra-necking “Oh HELLZ NAW he di-int!!” eye rolling moments of fail that they truly are.

And Rod Jetton wins.

As a side note…”Rod Jetton?!?!” Really?? if that isn’t a pr0n name I don know what is.

But I digress.

Let’s Look at this dude’s amazing feat of hitting three flawless fails.

1) Homeboy bounces some other Republicant  dude from his Chairmanship of the Committee on Crime Prevention and Public Safety. Why, because this guy “(Lipke) chose to use the bill to delete 14 words from our laws in order to repeal the gay sex ban in Missouri.”

SO the Lipke dude…a man with some clue (despite spite of the (R) appending his name) was fired by ol’ Rod for being hip to letting people do what the fuck they wanna do in terms of forming legally acknowledged loving relationships.

Nice move. Douchebag.

Potatohead went on to say that “Thanks to that deletion, it is now legal to engage in deviate sexual intercourse with someone of the same sex here in Missouri.”

I think he meant “deviant,” but who am I to split (public) hairs?

2) He immediately after his divorce manages to get busted for assault. Sexual assault. FELONIOUS sexual assault. Which is insanely fucked up and gets even MORE insanely fucked up because

"Green Balloons" was the safeword.

3) This was supposedly a “consensual SM encounter” gone wrong.

They even had a safeword! How responsible. And we all know that safewords keep us safe, right? Not if dude is a fucking psycho fuck, chokes you out and punches you.

The woman against whom the assault has alleged that he may have been drugged. I’m quoting here from an article on The Frisky but I’ve checked this story through a half-dozen or so sources, and it seems pretty accurate to the allegations:

Jetton came over to her place on Nov. 15 with two bottles of wine in hand for a night of wild sex—they’d agreed beforehand to use the safe word “green balloons” if either of them was feeling uncomfortable. Things started out tame. He poured her a glass in the kitchen and then sat down with her to watch a football game. She noticed herself feeling hazy and felt like she was nodding off. Next thing she knew, she was on the floor and Jetton was allegedly choking her. She says he then hit her so hard she lost consciousness. He apparently stayed over and was all tender to her in the morning. “You should have said green balloons,” she quotes him as saying.

What. The Fuck.

I could go on, but I won’t. I am SO PROUD of this woman for coming forward. I AM SO PROUD of her for standing up and being fucking honest about what was agreed on, and what he failed to do. It is not easy, I imagine, to go against a powerful person, and I cant imagine revealing intimate details about your sexual preferences is easy either. But she did it.

Many women who claim the BDSM and Leather community as their own have publicly stated that they WOULD NOT do the same under these circumstances. I find that troubling. I wonder if we are setting ourselves up to become easy prey. I wonder if you ought to engage in BDSM if you aren’t prepared to do Whatever It Takes to protect yourself…

To this woman I say, right the fuck on.

Bust this sonofabitches ass.