TheGrio tackles “Race Play…” rather well, actually!

S&M gear

Yeah, I’d pull that apart in about 90 seconds. But it IS pretty!

I was contacted recently by award-winning journalist Alexis Stodghill, writing from an MSNBC e-mail address and on the staff of She asked me if I’d be interested in answering a few questions about BDSM, specifically race play, since I’d been quoted in a column that is getting a whole lot of talk and that touches on that topic. The column, a response to a letter sent to Abiola Abrams, hit on the critical issue of consent and boundaries in relationships. The most important thing, from my perspective as someone who speaks and teaches about consensual BDSM, was that the fact that some people do consent to edgy role-playing in a CONSENSUAL manner was addressed in Ms. Abram’s response.

Ms. Stodghill, seeing the resultant discussion, decided to ask me to expand on the topic. Yep yep, I was hesitant. The Black community is just starting to have more open discussion about sex, and to zipline right into dissecting a type of play that even some  jaded, hardened perverts won’t tough with a fen foot bullwhip and that incites completely understandable visceral reactions from the majority of people is…daunting. To say the least.

I wrote a response and hoped for the best. The full text of my answers to the questions is here.

Controversial letter goes viral as readers discuss ‘race play,’ a sexual fetish involving racial slurs

 I am most gratified to see that very difficult topics are starting to hit more mainstream media outlets with a careful, respectful, nuanced perspective rather than the easy and obvious take on BDSM and Alternative Sexuality. I am very grateful that Ms. Stodghill deftly handled this difficult topic, and if you appreciated her reportage, please consider letting her know so on Twitter or on Facebook.  We take small steps towards releasing shame and gaining understanding, small steps every day. These discussions are steps in an amazing direction, leading us closer to the place where we don’t have to live in fear of losing jobs, friends, family, being shunned by those we thought were friends because we live and love differently. May we continue to walk forward.

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