Put up or shut up.
When people are first coming out into the BDSM community and feeling wallflowerish, new, awkward and like a kid on the outskirts of the cafeteria looking for a way to be closer to the “Cool” table, I often recommend that they volunteer for events.
Munches are a great way to meet people, sure. BDSM and Leather events are good for learning. But going to parties can feel like being single at The End Of Year Dance in High School while everyone else is having a grand old time hitting the dance floor, slow dancing to Crazy For You and whooping it up to Red Red Wine or sneaking off to the roof of a tenement and making out with their really cute insanely well-hung boyfriend and super hot girlfriend while listening to The Beautiful Ones …
…no no, wait. That last one was just me.
My bad.
But I digress.
hold on………yeah.
Done digressing 
Of late I’ve been avoiding parties because I am single and I don’t dig being single at big parties.
The paradox is that I don’t dig being asked to play AT parties either.
It is my own hang-up but it makes me feel as though I am an afterthought.
Kind of “Oh hey. there’s Mo! She’s single…I’m not fully booked with back-to-back scenes tonight…”
Which is silly, of course, because some of the most AMAZING scenes I have had have been unplanned.
But I just have a thing about it. SO, I gotta figure a way around my “Thing”
But if you wanna be seen and get back into rotation, you have to get off of your ass.
So I’ll be taking my own advice, for a change, this weekend, and volunteering.
Several times a year, the local Dungeon plays host to Lady Thorns Fetish Flea Market.
Though it has moved over the years, I have always enjoyed the Flea. It is very much a social event, with the vendors breaking out their finest perverted stuff, and people milling around, shopping, cruising, catching up. And there is always something new to explore!
I had my first taste of Pony Play at a Fetish Flea when a friend talked me into trying on a really beautiful brown suede harness and headgear, and then promptly leapt on my back and ordered me around the place.
I hadn’t done that in the past and thought it a bit silly at first. But in the half-hour or so I spent in a bit and ears and bridle, I found it was a somewhat shocking how people felt free to pet me, how relaxing it was to not have to speak to anyone, how delightful it was to be admired and tickled under the chin, and have my hindquarters smacked while I was playfully ordered to “Pick up those hooves!”
I have a greater understanding of my pony play kinkster friends from that one small window of time. Ponies are cute, pleasing, and useful.
This is also something one can accomplish by volunteering at Leather and Kink events.
You can be USEFUL. It is great to give back to the community in which you are involved. You don’t have to worry about being a 5th wheel when you are serving as Set-up crew, Door Dragon, or cashiering, or breaking down. I love the energy of the beginning and the end of a party, and the chance to feel like you are on the inside of the event.
And you can’t whinge about being a wall-flower or lonely when you are working and helping to create a warm, safe space to perv out!
So I’ll be at the door, hopefully, this weekend at the Fandango Party.
If you visit, please say “Hello!”
I think the world is your oyster when you attend these parties. You get to come and go as you want, fuck (or not) who you want and experiment as you see fit.
I like the idea of volunteering. A nice thought nonetheless. Great post.
r.
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Comment by rage — December 13, 2008 @ 12:38 pm
that’s a great idea. I need to get back out there.
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Comment by Stacey — December 13, 2008 @ 4:18 pm