Mo’s Online Dating Tips For Pervs, Volume I : Handling your Handle
I will say that I have some expertise in the online dating thing. As an employee now for a site in which I’ve been an active member for almost 12 years and continuously since July 27th, 1998, and furthermore as an avid info-vacuum, I have gleaned much and winced repeatedly.
I’m gonna throw down some occasional knowledge here, for free and shit.
My public service, to you.
CHOOSING YOUR HANDLE
OK! *rubbing hands together vigorously*
Look, people. We all know there is a shitload of cross-over between the Geek / Nerd / Gamer / Ren Faire / SCA / Steampunk community and Perverts.
But please, in the words of the immortal Mick Jagger in the seminal classic Sympathy for the Devil, “Show some dignity, and some taste.”
Dropping in “69″
UNLESS YOU WERE BORN in 1969, and even then, sparingly, DO NOT numeric your fucking handle with “69.”
I’m not going to detail this. Just don’t bloody do it, man.
i.e.: SexySadist69 = FAIL and … we will, we will, MOCK YOU. *stomp stomp clap*stomp stomp clap*
Self-Awarded Titles
You may well feel like titling yourself. You may fancy yourself a “Master” or a “Sir” or a “Mistress” and that is your prerogative. Go ahead, but know that it is ABSOLUTELY THE RIGHT of anyone responding to you to NOT address you thusly.
You aren’t MY Sir / Master / Mistress so I am not going to add that to yer name in a conversation, so don’t get snippy about it or I’ll disengage from you fast you’ll wonder where that singed feeling in your eyebrows came from.
I do have boundaries.
Like other titles and terms.
And other words.
This veers a bit into pet peeves, but these peeves are the result of a saturation of people using these names. If you happen to have the handle “LordBloodStar” and have since you first started posting on alt.sex.bondage, cool. But your e-descendants are making me crazy, and I am not alone. I posted on Twitter and had a lively exchange on this topic. Even hardcore gamers know this is teh phailz.
Too many references spoil the Soup
Rethink your game if you are using any / several of the following in your profile handle:
- Lord
- Blade
- Wolf
- Dark (Yep, totally guilty on this one. But you know what? I AM. DARK. Not just in my ^@%$ mind / heart / soul)
- Warrior
- Bane
- Blood
- Rose
- Fire (or teh evil spawn, “Fyre”)
- Dragon
- Mage
For this last I reserve a special irritation.
C’mon. Mage? Really?
You can have a metric fuckton of fun using the above words arranged in thousands of permutations for hours of pain and suffering!
OK, geeks, we get it. And I know some of y’all, like the kid who did this vid, have a sense of humor about their shit…
…and I loves me some geeks. But you need to leave the WoW at the dungeon door, people.
Please.
sigh
To cleanse my palate, I often enjoy the following video …
…because if I ever come across someone with the handle FredericoGarciaLorcasCock, I’m giving them a free membership.
…Ezra Poundsyou…Ralph Waldo Humperson… *snerk*
This fucking rocks, Mo! Thank you for writing it!
Reply
mollena Reply:
June 10th, 2009 at 11:28 pm
Yaaaaay! Thanks Foxie Laydie!
love
Mo
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Comment by Zille Defeu — June 10, 2009 @ 2:21 pm
Well, I use Wolf because that’s my name.
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mollena Reply:
June 10th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
Hi!
That is cool…and as long as you don’t add “Blade” after it, I promise not to giggle
xoxo
Mo
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Comment by JAWolf — June 10, 2009 @ 3:02 pm
but but but…. i WAS born in 69
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mollena Reply:
June 10th, 2009 at 11:20 pm
I was too babe…and on the few sites I caved in and had to numeric my name because on of the other 4 mollenas on the planet got there first, I cringed every time I logged in.
xoxo
~Mo
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Comment by kahlana — June 10, 2009 @ 4:22 pm
but..but..but…I CONSIDER MYSELF TO BE DARK OF SPIRIT AND SKIN
DarkJoyChyld
lol…this was actually pretty funny, Mo. thanks
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mollena Reply:
June 10th, 2009 at 11:29 pm
Hm…OK, I’ll refrain from taunting you.
But just about this, mind. I’m-a still give you shit for other shit!
love
Mo
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Stella Reply:
June 11th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
are we back on the whole POO thing…sheesh…ok,now I’ve laughed myself into a headache!
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Comment by Stella — June 10, 2009 @ 9:00 pm
Awwww…..
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mollena Reply:
June 10th, 2009 at 11:23 pm
Mamacita, just promise me an of your alter-egos aren’t Lolita_StarWolf or MistressWolfBane and we’re set!
Love and squishlies
Mo
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Comment by Lolita Wolf — June 10, 2009 @ 9:55 pm
that’s why I use what I use …… it’s easy to remember……
lamesabassman……. and it’s my business card… musically …
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mollena Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 9:21 pm
I still always have to slide the breaks around in your handle or I wind up with “lame saba ass man”
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Comment by lamesabassman — June 11, 2009 @ 12:05 am
Isn’t it weird how the only title that one can actually use since it has no legal bearing, “Esquire”, never shows up in online handles?
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Comment by Mirri — June 11, 2009 @ 10:28 am
Hear fuckin’ HEAR to all of it! Now if only I were more inclined to start shit storms because I would LOVE to show this to about three-fourths of the members on FetLife…
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mollena Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
I’m limiting myself to 2 shitstorms annually and I’m all used up baby…I’ll have to take a miss too!
xoxo
~Mo
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Comment by Amber — June 11, 2009 @ 7:13 pm
Im so guilty. Once I lost Catwoman999 on my email from some glitch right at Y2K time, I started using Catwoman69y2k instead. Been my name ever since.
PS: Yes, Im Y2K compliant. >.<
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mollena Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
Oh thank gawd. Of course this will all become moot after the 2012 Aztecopalypse!
xxo
Mo
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Comment by Kat — June 13, 2009 @ 9:16 am
Check out my muthaf*cking name!
I’ll bet you you’ll get all hot and wet when you read that!
FYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYRREEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
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mollena Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 9:23 pm
I only came back to this post today because someone was looking for it, and read this, and am in tears.
So.
Money.
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Comment by Dark Lord WarriorBlade The Fyre Mage — June 15, 2009 @ 1:41 pm
Oh yeah, @superbigrobot I ranted about that not too long ago
http://www.mollena.com/2009/06/mos-onlin...
via Twitoaster
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superbigrobot Reply:
November 25th, 2009 at 11:43 am
@Mollena and as i write that i see somone named wolf_dragon *facepalm*
via Twitoaster
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Comment by Mollena — November 25, 2009 @ 11:32 am
[...] yeah, @superbigrobot I ranted about that not too long ago http://www.mollena.com/2009/06/mos-online-dating-tips-for-pervs-volume-i/ [...]
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