Submission: rarely easy, always worth it.
One of the things I am pondering mightily is the reality of submission as it is lived vs. the hot & horny fantasy of d/s. A time ago, I went to the Center for Sex & Cultureâ€‹ to see Laura Antoniouâ€‹ talk about stuff. Not many people beside myself were there, because jaded-ass San Francisco…Read More
The reality of being single is gonna be different for everyone but for me, it sucks. Hard. I keep a pretty hectic schedule in part because it gives me somewhere to pour the energy I would much rather have under the hand of an owner. Until such time as that happens, we will just keep…Read More
A timid hand touches me where few ever touch… Hello…hello? Do you have a moment? I turn away, my heart excruciating squeeze of pain so long-present it has to find new ways to make its presence felt at every turn. I am sorry to bother you. I know we are busy but I am having…Read More
I’ve got sunshine on a cloudy day.
Sometimes I stop and take stock and crack myself up. I’m living my life from the inside so I don’t often think about the reality of how amazing it is, really. So this morning when I said to my roomate / Evil Landlady (who happens to be internationally known author and speaker Laura Antoniou) and…Read More
I’m pondering a misconception I’m releasing around what it means to have “closure.” I’ve been struggling mightily with what felt like a really crippling blow to my self-esteem. I kept performing autopsies on my relationship with The Dominant Guy to try to figure out what more I could have done to make it…Read More
Sometimes it is very easy for me to share my story. I run to the keyboard and pour out an idea that has sprung to mind, or eagerly type out the results of some brainhamster action. And other times, I agonize over every word, hummingÂ â€œOh Lord, please donâ€™t let me be misunderstood…â€Â tersely under my breath…Read More
When I first became involved in the kink community, I ran into plenty of people who held themselves to a very high standard. Of course, being an overachiever, I did as well. And then I started running into people who branded themselves as “naturals.” These rarefied few were willing to share about how dominance…Read More
Broken and grateful.
I have no fucking idea what the hell I’m doing…it seems all I can do to remember to breathe. Wonderful. You’ve finally understood what has always been true. The breath you are taking right now is all you really ever have. I’ve been working hard on meditating, and have been less than…Read More
Who are you to change us?
Â SoÂ LilyLoydÂ posted a response (On FetLife) to my recentÂ post about training. (The same post is here on this blog) As I mentioned in that post, I have had many hours of brainhamster energy spent running around about training in the BDSM and Leather context. What it means, how it is done, what the purpose is, why…Read More
Some late-evening disjointed ramblings & bullshit, really.
I am just rambling a bit…I have a great deal on my heart and on my mind but the process is still in process and lots of it really is a bit more personal than can be dissected in the public forum of blogs and such. But I have to write something, and I’m…Read More