Sometimes I stop and take stock and crack myself up.
I’m living my life from the inside so I don’t often think about the reality of how amazing it is, really. So this morning when I said to my roomate / Evil Landlady (who happens to be internationally known author and speaker Laura Antoniou) and said “You know, I’m sitting here all tired about the shit I gotta do because my day looks like-a-this:
Get up go into Manhattan to meet my famous photographer friend Aeric Meredith Goujon, who is editing the film I’m producing as commissioned by Madison Young for an exhibit for the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts, where I’m performing in the same program with Midori. Oh yeah, and the film is me being spanked by Lolita Wolf, Sinclair Sexsmith, Nayland Blake, Lee Harrington and the aforementioned evil landlady.”
Yeah, typical Thursday morning.
The funny part? It is the way lots of my life goes. And I forget that I’m a daily miracle.
See, last week I took a serious body blow. Someone did a thing I absolutely hate and passed on, to me, unhelpful gossip about me. It was done in a way that was emotionally wrenching, that triggered very deep self-esteem wounds, and sent me into a tailspin 24 hours before I was to appear at a big event. I’ve spent the past week feeling like shit deep inside. It sucked ass and I didn’t even know how to process it.
The corner turned today when I realized that I am working hard and amazing things are happening. I woke up sober, and that’s’ a miracle. I woke up with a roof over my head provided by dear, dear friends who I adore fiercely. I woke up to positive messages of support. I woke up to shake my head at the insanely ambitions fall I have unfolding before me. I woke up to see that I have some stunning shit in the pipeline…and that is just the shit I KNOW about! And that’s including teaching all over the US, traveling to London to study with Barbara Carellas, going to Canada, too…I am so blessed!
I woke up ME again. remembering to keep my eyes on the positive and step away from dark negativity…
It is the sunniest cloudy day New York has ever seen. Because my heart is clear again.
Did I mention I motherfucking love this goddamned city?!?