I’ve got sunshine on a cloudy day.

Sometimes I stop and take stock and crack myself up. I’m living my life from the inside so I don’t often think about the reality of how amazing it is, really. So this morning when I said to my roomate / Evil Landlady (who happens to be internationally known author and speaker Laura Antoniou) and…

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What I’m not saying.

The past month or so has been difficult in ways I’ve not seen before, and to a degree I’ve not previously experienced.   I’m used to doing my processing out loud, and it has helped me immensely. I thrive on tossing up my inner workings, letting them come to light, welcoming others to join the…

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Unnatural submission.

When I first became involved in the kink community, I ran into plenty of people who held themselves to a very high standard. Of course, being an overachiever, I did as well. And then I started running into people who branded themselves as “naturals.”   These rarefied few were willing to share about how dominance…

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Broken and grateful.

  I have no fucking idea what the hell I’m doing…it seems all I can do to remember to breathe.   Wonderful. You’ve finally understood what has always been true. The breath you are taking right now is all you really ever have.   I’ve been working hard on meditating, and have been less than…

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Who are you to change us?

 So LilyLoyd posted a response (On FetLife) to my recent post about training. (The same post is here on this blog) As I mentioned in that post, I have had many hours of brainhamster energy spent running around about training in the BDSM and Leather context. What it means, how it is done, what the purpose is, why…

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The Dominant Guy & flashlights & labels.

Today @TheDominantGuy and I had some time to have a phone date. Which I love so very much.  There are still Big Ass Things on the table to discuss and that might have gone down…but the second stage of emotional heavy-lifting didn’t happen. We got to catch up on other stuff. And actually just talk,…

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When heartache brings happiness? That’s Hot.

Hello! My name is Mollena and I’m an Alcoholic Submissive Masochist Slave Masochist Ponygirl Emotional masochist   Yeah all of those are labels I use to create space where I can be me safely. But that last one…not so easy to embrace. I’ve waded through accepting a lot of shit I thought I’d never be…

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Breaking in the Slave.

I hadn’t cried like that in a long, long time. Crying is something I usually do for very short bursts, then it ebbs. Maybe a minute? Tops. And then I have done what I needed to do and can either sit with the emotion or start to recover from whatever triggered the collapse. But this…

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When submission is a dry biscuit.

  So…long-distance relationships are teh lame. We can agree they are not really all that ideal. Some times are easier than others. And there is a terrible amount of pressure on the time you can eke out to be together virtually, because by the time you have the bandwidth to talk, goddammit, it had better be connected,…

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Relocation…? Bonus.

SO, OK.   Um…its like…it feels like…   It feels like I’m smashing my head up against a hard rubber wall is what it feels like.   I spent some time during one of my classes at the Folsom Fringe event calmly muzzling my increasingly agitated Dæmon, Bubbles. There was a discussion going on about…

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