I’m pondering a misconception I’m releasing around what it means to have “closure.” I’ve been struggling mightily with what felt like a really crippling blow to my self-esteem. I kept performing autopsies on my relationship with The Dominant Guy to try to figure out what more I could have done to make it…Read More
Sometimes it is very easy for me to share my story. I run to the keyboard and pour out an idea that has sprung to mind, or eagerly type out the results of some brainhamster action. And other times, I agonize over every word, hummingÂ â€œOh Lord, please donâ€™t let me be misunderstood…â€Â tersely under my breath…Read More
The Dominant Guy & flashlights & labels.
Today @TheDominantGuy and I had some time to have a phone date. Which I love so very much. Â There are still Big Ass Things on the table to discuss and that might have gone down…but the second stage of emotional heavy-lifting didnâ€™t happen. We got to catch up on other stuff. And actually just talk,…Read More
Some late-evening disjointed ramblings & bullshit, really.
I am just rambling a bit…I have a great deal on my heart and on my mind but the process is still in process and lots of it really is a bit more personal than can be dissected in the public forum of blogs and such. But I have to write something, and I’m…Read More
Breaking in the Slave.
I hadnâ€™t cried like that in a long, long time. Crying is something I usually do for very short bursts, then it ebbs. Maybe a minute? Tops. And then I have done what I needed to do and can either sit with the emotion or start to recover from whatever triggered the collapse. But this…Read More
I’m no longer surprised that I have this reflexive compulsion to obey The Dominant Guy. That was a given since we first met. What does continue to surprise me is the depth of how far that compulsion goes, and how IÂ sincerelyÂ obey before I have even processed what he wants. Submitting when you are…Read More
When submission is a dry biscuit.
So…long-distance relationships are teh lame. We can agree they are not really all that ideal. Some times are easier than others. And there is a terrible amount of pressure on the time youÂ canÂ eke out to be together virtually, because by the time you have the bandwidth to talk, goddammit, it had better be connected,…Read More
The cauterized heart.
I was nonplussed to find myself trailing along…again…trying to keep up with The Â DominantGuy which is a challenge on a slow day and OMFG! WTF!! SMH… on a busy day. And I turned around and he’d vanished, again. And I’m standing there, feeling at loose ends. Waiting. Again. Much of being in service is…Read More
Feeling safe in feeling human.
As a submissive â€“ someone who prefers relationships where there is a mutually beneficial unequal power dynamic â€“ I have done quite a bit of self-exploration around my needs and desires. And as someone who seeks out a master / slave relationship â€“ a relationship where one human secedes power and control over themselves on…Read More
One year. Today.
In one year… I have grown so much. Iâ€™ve pushed myself beyond the bounds of what I thought I needed to find joy, what I thought I found desirable, whatÂ I thought was possible. It was a year ago today I shook hands with a man who, I would very soon learn, was to…Read More