WTF Wednesday: Did you READ my profile?

I know it is tough. When you are surfing the interwebs to look for love, perhaps you lack the time to read every line of every profile of every woman into whom you want to stick your penis.

But please.

My gods.

Some of the responses I get to my profile.

This gem today in my mail from my profile…

WOW -YOU AMAZE ME. YOU CUM stay with me 4 awhile. YUM – I’ll tie you to the bed till you say uncle. LOL Seriously I’d love to get to know you a lot better.

Seriously. NEVER.

This next one is less ridiculous and more along the lines of an awesome typo:

Having read your profile I’m not sure whether i’d want to kiss you, duck you senseless, or tie you down and beat the sass put of you.

If a sass-put is anything like a shot-put, I’ll pass. And I believe CA has laws against mallard mauling, but I’ll have to get back to you on that.

This next guy…holy shit.

Let me preface this with the fact that his picture is…well, it was him with a ……aw, fuck it.

Here is the photo he uses in his profile:

Seriously. Stop.

My desires is to gain control and not let the sub have any freedom. I want them to worship me like a God. My desires to my sub are to make them feel they cant do anything without me , make them into a doll and I, am the chains that move the doll. I have a years experience.

A year. A YEAR and you plan on Stepfording me?!?!

*chokes back a sob*

A most profound moment of Zen settled over my troubled soul like god’s hand on a restless sea when I received the following solicitation on the first contact …TEH FIRST MESSAGE, y’all…from a “person” on

damn you a big fine open to k9?

This is, at the VERY LEAST, a third date gambit.

I know you feel my pain, you who are online looking-for-love-or-a-reasonable-facsimile-thereof…

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  1. Kat on October 29, 2008 at 2:07 PM

    OMG… *snerk* Just… wow. The type of people on the internet just amaze and boggle me. XD

    I’m seriously laughing here. Thanks for the Wednesday giggle. :)

  2. aag on October 29, 2008 at 3:28 PM

    I feel your pain. I wrote about one such knucklehead just today. :)

  3. Thomaskattus on October 29, 2008 at 5:20 PM

    I won’t make you cry uncle, but I might make you call me it!

    But seriously, I am so glad I am not a woman dating on the internet because you all get some fucked up messages on sites. I have gotten a couple but no one wanting K-9 action in the first email.

  4. mollena on October 29, 2008 at 5:35 PM

    He didn’t even attach a photo of the dog.


    What the hell is the world coming to.

  5. stacey on October 29, 2008 at 6:12 PM

    teh stoopit is everywhere. And collarme makes me want to run screaming into vanilla land.

  6. […] decided to go with a totally spur-of-the-moment shot for my second offering. This truly was a WTF Wednesday and I thought what better way to give a hopeful feeling to a brand-spanking new day than with a […]

  7. NookieNotes on October 30, 2008 at 1:51 AM

    LMAO! Oh girl, soooo been there! That’s partly why I hang out in adult chatrooms now… At least in those I can talk back to the freakin’ idiots like this one:

    I want you in black opaque thigh highs, and I want to bandage both your ankles, put a cam walker on your right ankle, and an aircast on your left ankle, brace both your knees, brace both your wrists then tie you to a bed what do you think of that?


  8. Lizzie on October 30, 2008 at 7:15 AM

    A friend sent me here. You’re funny (but I’m guessing you knew that).

    My favorite Alt story is the guy to whom I sent a polite refusal and he replied,

    “No. You will be my fuck toy and I will own you.”

    hahahaha! Wish all you want, it doesn’t make it so, dude!

  9. bailey on October 30, 2008 at 12:46 PM

    And this is why many of us no longer “do” online dating. I’m not that much of a masochist.

  10. mollena on October 30, 2008 at 5:04 PM

    How. Do. They. Remain. So. Clueless. And. LIVE?!?!?!

    An eternal verity, for realz, yo.

  11. lalouve on November 1, 2008 at 5:54 PM

    I have now had a conversation with my husband about the possibility of beating him with a rubber duck. I’m reasonably sure this would not have occurred without this blog… ;)

  12. mollena on November 2, 2008 at 12:49 AM

    @lalouve. FTMFW. I’ll buy photos!!