I know it is tough. When you are surfing the interwebs to look for love, perhaps you lack the time to read every line of every profile of every woman into whom you want to stick your penis.
Some of the responses I get to my profile.
This gem today in my mail from my ALT.com profile…
WOW -YOU AMAZE ME. YOU CUM stay with me 4 awhile. YUM – I’ll tie you to the bed till you say uncle. LOL Seriously I’d love to get to know you a lot better.
This next one is less ridiculous and more along the lines of an awesome typo:
Having read your profile I’m not sure whether i’d want to kiss you, duck you senseless, or tie you down and beat the sass put of you.
If a sass-put is anything like a shot-put, I’ll pass. And I believe CA has laws against mallard mauling, but I’ll have to get back to you on that.
This next guy…holy shit.
Let me preface this with the fact that his picture is…well, it was him with a ……aw, fuck it.
Here is the photo he uses in his profile:
My desires is to gain control and not let the sub have any freedom. I want them to worship me like a God. My desires to my sub are to make them feel they cant do anything without me , make them into a doll and I, am the chains that move the doll. I have a years experience.
A year. A YEAR and you plan on Stepfording me?!?!
*chokes back a sob*
A most profound moment of Zen settled over my troubled soul like god’s hand on a restless sea when I received the following solicitation on the first contact …TEH FIRST MESSAGE, y’all…from a “person” on collarme.com:
damn you a big fine momma.you open to k9?
This is, at the VERY LEAST, a third date gambit.
I know you feel my pain, you who are online looking-for-love-or-a-reasonable-facsimile-thereof…