Apr 112016

Years back, when social media meant AOL profiles and pages on GeoCities, people relied on nicknames and handles as barriers against being discovered as a secret freak.  Google wasn’t a thing, reverse phone-number lookups and ISP tracking were not commonly available with the click of a mouse, and anonymity was easy. Then things began to develop such that the percentage of lives lived online multiplied exponentially and it has become necessary for most folks to have a public online presence. For many folks, this means they are obligated to tuck away or tone down aspects of their lives in order to maintain their careers or family connections. It is an unfortunate truth that there are people in positions of power in our lives who wouldn’t accept us if we were living a lifestyle against which they felt enmity, or about which they were ignorant to the point of fear.

I am fortunate. I don’t have to keep it secret. Even when I worked for Wells Fargo, their liberal, accepting and forward-thinking policies meant my being involved in the BDSM and Leather communities wasn’t an issue. My orientation to their Bay Area team was lead by a self-identified transwoman. One of my co-workers was the Empress of the SF Royal Drag Court. Another had been International Mr. Drummer and was well known as a gay leather pin-up. Hell, they provided the portable ATMs for the Folsom Street Fair!  I made sure I always worked for companies and businesses where inclusivity was a feature, not a bug.

And yet, I have felt the momentary sting when I am disowned from public connection by a friend or acquaintance because they do not wish to be associated with a kinky person. Like BDSM is a contagion that will besmirch you. Leathery , kinky cooties, out to make you look…well…perverted!

pervert cootieLet me state that I find it bloody strange that my non-kinky friends and acquaintances never seem to feel that they have to evade me because I am kinky.  

I want to give a shout out to all of those folks because you give me life. All of you – parents, spiritual leaders, doctors, lawyers, midwives, teachers, bankers, bakers, artists – all of you who are not ashamed or reluctant to claim me as a friend….you are changing the world, one drop at a time.

I give them dap because they don’t seem to worry about someone saying “Hey how do you know that pervert?” Continue reading »

 Education  Comments Off on Dont Fear Pervert Cooties.
Mar 302016

Abiola Abrams is a raging powerstorm of amazingness and so when she says “I need you to write me something for Essence online!” I’m all “HELL YEAH!”

You can read the article here, but it only contains one of the three tips  shared. Keep reading to see what else I had to say, under pressure, wondering who the hell would listen to advice from me anyway.

Look at this happy Black couple stock image and weep at their magnificence.

Gaze in Awe upon this Happy Black Couple stock image and weep at their magnificence.

“11 Sex Secrets From the Experts That Will Set Your Bed On Fire!”

Continue reading »

 Musings  Comments Off on Get the rest of the Essence!
Mar 292016

Thanks to The Pleasure Chest, I’ll be sharing a lecture right here in New York on April 20th, 2016!


Pleasure Chest, New York UES

Wednesday April 20th, 2016 8:00 pm – 10:00 pm

Many of us have hot fantasies of giving over control or taking charge in the bedroom. for some, these desires are so sexually charged that the lure of dominance and submission becomes . but how do you go from an egalitarian relationship to one where someone calls the shots? how do you manage to be dominant without being domineering? is it possible to be submissive without being spineless? how do you negotiate this delicate dance of power without pissing everyone off? and do we REALLY need if you’re curious about dominance and submission, or have been exploring power exchange and are looking for new insights into your play, welcome! in this class, we will explore different types of PE (Power Exchange) relationships, from top and bottom to dominant and submissive to master and slave in all of the wonderful variations! We will be covering many of the intricacies of managing these dynamics such as:

• Self-exploration
• Negotiating with yourself, and with your partner
• Assessing Needs, Wants and Desires
• Physical, Mental and Emotional Safety

Whether you’re interested in the private intimacy of bedroom play or wish to delve into the broader kink community, you’ll have a safe space to ask your questions, discuss your desires, and kick around your kinks! Bring your questions, concerns, curiosities and an open mind!

Guest Educator: Mollena Williams Haas

We do not offer advance registration or reserved seating for free workshops or events. Attendance is on a first come, first served basis. Early arrival is recommended to secure your spot!

 Education  Comments Off on Local Perversion.
Mar 192016

Those who were at our wedding – or watched it on LiveStream – were able to hear the “sketches” of two parts of a piece Georg was writing in my name to commemorate our wedding. This all came about because someone asked if we were going to have his compositions in our wedding and I was amused, since nothing he’s written to date was really of a celebratory nature and certainly not anything one would think of for an occasion such as a wedding!

Unless, of course, it was like Persephone being wedded to Hades or some shit.

But he, with traditional Austrian stubbornness augmented by the particular flavor of Styrian obstinacy, decided that of COURSE he would write music for our wedding. And it just debuted on the March 17th.

drei stucke pic

The reception for the premier? STELLAR. He received tremendous audience response and six callbacks in the curtain calls. Believe me, for an audience of mostly Germans, this is bloody epic.

When I first heard even just the sketches at the wedding, I was amazed. Sitting in the rehearsals and hearing all of these talented artists working so hard to realize his vision, I was delighted. To sit in the Prinzregententheater and hear the RIAS Kammerchor singing and the Munich Chamber Orchestr (brilliantly and passionately conducted by Herr Alexander Liebreich) bring such resplendent complexity to the piece was spiritually uplifting beyond words.

After the concert, one of the lovely members of the Choir (she was really kind to me throughout) presented us with the sweetest and thoughtfullest gift…a whole buncha little matchboxes with some perverts on the top! They’d used a photo they’d taken of us during the rehearsals.

rias kammerchor matches

How cute is that?!? ÜBERCUTE is how.

 Going's On  Comments Off on Drei stücke für me!
Feb 222016

crucible banner
Yeah, I do not love camping. I just…I don’t like dirt.
Or insects.
Or “roughing it” even in the relatively benign version of such as is offered by the Kink Camps that happen here and there across the USA.
And I have, for various reasons, gone against my better judgement several times and attended them.
Once, I had a violent asthma attack and resulting horrible sinusitis because of a bale of hay.
Fuck those fucking things.
Then I was molested by a swarm of stinkbugs and red ghotdamned centipedes, and had ANOTHER bad case of sinusitis because of black mold.
Fuck them bastards and that bullshit.
Third time’s a charm and how charming is it to never be able to sleep because of drunk-ass screaming people a few hundred  yards from your cabin  who were hollering ripped and plastered by noon and stayed that way until about 4 AM.
Motherfuck all those fuckers.

SO yeah, I was not gonna be doing it. Ever. Again.

And then of course Der Spousemeister is lured by our “friend” Barbara (baleful side-eye) into considering going to Camp Crucible. Since he is the boss, guess where we’ll be from May 28th – June 4th?
(Yes, the camp runs a bit longer than that on either side but we have to be in and get back to Europe during this time period, so we have to arrive a day late and leave a couple days early.
And I am not sad.)
Anyway, if you’d like to come and enjoy my suffering and glowering while occasionally dressing up like a pony, or watch one of the world’s preeminent living contemporary composers running around nekkid as the day he was born, ogling everyone and loving life, you should come join us!

Or, if, you know, an amazing camping experience with wonderful, welcoming folks and a unique opportunity for extended community bonding and playing and rutting like stoats in the woods is your thing.


 Education  Comments Off on Never Say Never.
Jan 082016

PD-paddle-shotMollena Speaks


the “Prime Directive

Date & Time: Saturday, January 09, 2016 · 6:00 PM – 8:00 PM  
Tampa Bay Phoenix Club

12850 91st Street North, Largo, FL 33773   @ map

Cost: Free!
Dress code: Street-legal/casual.

The Tampa Bay Phoenix Club is pleased to have Mollena presenting on the “Prime Directive” and power exchange relationships. She is a nationally-known presenter, and this is one you won’t want to miss!

 Education  Comments Off on *FREE* Class, Tampa / St. Pete!
Dec 312015
Before the end of the year and I am finished packing my owner/s suitcase. I have a particular system, as one might when packing and unpacking bits and pieces of one’s life around the country and all over Europe has fallen into the realm of the quotidian.
Or at least a couple of times a month.
Packing cubes have saved (the shredded, desperate wind and time torn tatters of) my sanity and I can count out the number i need with a sightless hand in the basket where they are stored. One smaller pouch for 10 pairs of socks, another for 10 underpants, 10 undershirts in another, pants for work and relaxing in their own container. A light jacket, two swearers, 3 button-down shirts and 2 turtlenecks in a garment bag, folded in half as to minimize wrinkles. Into the suitcase goes an addict’s tools: a portable Nespresso (one of two, because we need one that runs on USA as well as EU currents) and sufficient pods to facilitate the caffeine addict’s daily drug dose. Into the suitcase also go the gifts for his youngest offspring, with whom he will be visiting as well as the games that they play together while he is with her.
Packed and weighed to insure that it is under the weight limit, I add in some slippers, just in case his feet get cold.
He returns to the bedroom, smiles as he sees me stuffing the last of the shirts into the last of the pouches.
“Dahling. Thank you. I can feel the love you give me.”
His consideration of the reality of service as love and erotic fulfillment is still new.
When we were in Europe, we had a wonderful series of private sessions with my friend Rebecca Lowrie, a sexuality and intimacy coach and…healer, really. We were with her to talk about some of the Stuff we are working on in our relationship. Too much to mention here but we have, my owner and I, very different experiences of our sexual histories.
Deborah Addington How has your perspective on service, as an act that nurtures your Spirit, shifted over time? Do you experience embodied differences in where/how you feel the Eros of service in your flesh?
Dec 182015

Many of us have been there. Doing the online dating thing. I am in the unique position of not only having perused just about all online dating formats available in the past couple of decades, but I have my roots in the primordial soup of online dating: newspaper ad dating. Before that? I’d even spent a couple of years working as an operator (read: decoy)  for “The One Line” (remember Party Lines, oldbies?!?).  My last desk job?  Working as a content slave for the FriendFinder empire. I have an advanced degree in online hookupery and profile-fu. SO believe me, I have been around the block, over the block, poked through the sewers under the block…I got it down.

From personal ads in the L.A. Weekly on to Craig’s List Casual Encounters, I have seen and done so many much. Despite endless, ready hookups and even one or two fun, moderately successful relationships, I never found the person who was fully ready to commit and who was thrilled by the possibility of an ongoing, monoamorous relationship.

“So, Mollena.” you well might ask, “why the FUCK did you keep doing that shit even when it was so rife with fail?”

GOOD Question! You can select any number and combination of the following:

  1. I’m a closeted sunny fucking romantic optimist.
  2. SOME luck is more than NO luck and it don’t take much to keep this bitch hunting!
  3. I’d seen other people have success.
  4. It gave me the feeling of being an active agent in orchestrating my destiny.

And I had enough fun flings, good times, and epic adventures to keep me tending those sketchy-ass virtual Lobster Pots of Love for years. Even the most miserable failed hook-up was rewarded with a prime chance to bitch to the world about it and wind up featured in the “Best of Craig’s List!

Until I decided that I was tired, that the last series of slaps and digs and faceplants was a sign for me to chill the fuck out, and I had a serious conversation with Ganesha in the shower in the dark one night.

Then sometime late on December 19, 2013, two years ago today, I opened OKCupid, read a few dead threads, scoped the suggested matches, and opened the following message.


Continue reading »

 Musings  Comments Off on OKCupid Episode MDCCCXCVII: A New Hope
Dec 182015
You have us kinky folks to thank for this, folks. You're welcome.

You also have us kinky folks to thank for this too, people. You’re welcome.

Before you read this, please consider taking a moment to see what has already been hashed out here and there on Race Play. I have gathered a list of links that should help you get some bearings on my previous forays into this topic!

Back in 2009, in the throes of a sticky Twitter frenzy over Ciara writhing around with JT while occasionally wearing a collar and leash, I was hit up by Andrea Plaid, writer from the most excellent Racialicious.  Of course there were obvious issues. Yet again, a white man being catered to by a hypersexualised and objectified Black woman. And the obvious humiliation of being treated like an animal, on a leash. Plenty of fodder for ire. And I get it. On the other hand, as someone who identifies as sexually submissive, and a fetishist when it comes to unequal power dynamics, my take on it is different.

I watched the video from the perspective of fluffy entertainment. It was nothing groundbreaking. Then I considered the fact that we, as Black women, are often expected to carry the weight of history such that even expressing our sexuality must be an act scrubbed clean of anything that might resemble non-consensuality. Furthermore, the idea that we are aware of and deliberately choosing to express ourselves as sexually liberated is fraught because we can’t possibly escape the crushing jaws of institutionalised racism. Any Black Woman who would agree to submit, as fantasy or even for a few minutes in a music video, must be a self-hating Negro who needs to have her Mama sit her down right now and talk some damn sense into her. Continue reading »

 Education  Comments Off on Consent, Control, Compassion, and Why I am Fucking Tired of Explaining Why ‘Race Play’ is Different From Racism.
Dec 152015

12248763_10153790739566081_787317437_nIt had been years of me trying to get up to Toronto for the Playground Sexuality Conference. After much arm twisting and bullying, Canadian style (which of course means people saying shit like “It’s be great to see you up here, eh?”) time and tides finally made it happen. I was invited to give a keynote, and since I would be travelling with my Spousemeister, we decided to co-present ourselves for the evening.

As it was, Der Spousemeister had a little thing called “Morgen und Abend” opening at a little place called the Royal Opera House the night after the conference opened, meaning that if we hauled ass pretty much right after the show closed, we could make it.

Not knowing exactly how grueling the week before this little excursion would be, what with two lectures in two countries and a gangbang in a third all within four days…and having NO IDEA I’d be spending three weeks persuading my beloved husband-and-owner to not commit brutal acts of throatpunchicide upon the surly, disrespectful and inept conductor and/or the divotastic and bemusingly temperamental non-singing performer in the opera, I blithely booked this thinking “OK great, we are international jet setters! We can totally do this!”

And we did it, but man were we fucking tired. SO, here ’tis! Most of it was captured on video.

Big shouts out to Samantha for making Playground totally worth it, even for one night. And to my homie JP Robichaud, for keeping me in the running. (We’ll get it together for that podcast one of these days, bro…I just need to find us a producer to do the grunt work!)

 Education  Comments Off on Herr Meister & Me at Playground 2015

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