One month in one post and…GO!

13 June 2013 |

When one falls behind in something, it is often difficult to catch up. Falling behind, feeling overwhelmed, and then getting hit repeatedly with One Thing After Another can leave a Negress feeling…well. Like there is no way to really do justice to everything, so why bother? Well, that’s a shit attitude and the expectations I…

Read More

National Leather Association International Awards? Why yes, I would be most honored!

12 May 2013 |

Greetings from Sweden…where I’m in bed having my ass kicked by my very first ever combo sinus-throat-ear infection. Sinus and throat infections I’ve had before but the ear thing is new and I had no idea how awful they can be. Add to that I’m in a beautiful country with awesome, kinky folks who have…

Read More

Dropping in to London!

01 May 2013 |

I am on my way over to Europe for the Stockholm Fetish Week and I will be popping over to London to see what kinky mischief I can make! I will be at the Sh! Women’s Store on May 15th, 16th & 17th teaching three classes and would love to see you there! There will…

Read More

Sinful Sunday: Oracle’s crop.

28 April 2013 |

I was able to attend the International Ms Leather contest last week and for the main event, I did myself up in my pony garb. I am still getting used to showing up places in that character, and it took me quite a while to get comfortable with that facet of my kink. I am…

Read More

TheGrio tackles “Race Play…” rather well, actually!

23 April 2013 | Comments Off on TheGrio tackles “Race Play…” rather well, actually!

I was contacted recently by award-winning journalist Alexis Stodghill, writing from an MSNBC e-mail address and on the staff of She asked me if I’d be interested in answering a few questions about BDSM, specifically race play, since I’d been quoted in a column that is getting a whole lot of talk and that touches on that topic. The column, a response…

Read More

Small Pool Problems.

14 April 2013 | Comments Off on Small Pool Problems.

In the midst of some pretty intense discussion of d/s and M/S stuff, a friend asked – Her: So, who IS TheDominantGuy, really? Me: His actual fake name is [REDACTED] Her: OhMyGod I met him at ___ a few years back! [Insert titillating recounting of a fairly standard smoking hot TheDominantGuy breathless encounter] He’s really hot… Me:I wouldn’t…

Read More

The Master’s Voice.

12 April 2013 |

In the midst of listening to my friend Midori conduct her most excellent class on “Aural Sex,” I had an epiphany and a small heartbreak. This is awkward when one is trying to simply listen and learn and absorb the teachings flowing through the moment. While she was describing how one might use the voice…

Read More

“Race Play:” hitting the mainstream media…?

11 April 2013 |

As a result of the fallout from Abiola Abrams most excellent column that dealt with non-consensual race play – in which I was quoted – I was contacted by The Grio, which is a pretty big deal news outlet geared towards African-Americans.  Or Blacks. Whichever you prefer. I’m all for brevity and I like saying “BLACK!” so I opt…

Read More

Look, Mom! I got quoted in Essence!

08 April 2013 |

I am sure my Mother will be tickled. We used to love reading Essence. As a kid, it was amazing to see a magazine that was for Black people that had Black models looking beautiful and talked about our lives. All-around Sensuality Guru Abiola Abrams does a column for them,(which is, apparently, cross-syndicated to Huffington Post!) and she quoted…

Read More

Masters & Slaves & Love ~ Part One: Patrick Mulcahey’s Thoughts.

26 March 2013 |

One of my friends who is also, secretly, someone I adore without boundary is Patrick Mulcahey. Not only is he one of the most thoughtful people I’ve ever met on pretty much any topic involving Leather and BDSM, he’s also someone who walks the walk and talks the talk and steps up to the plate on many issues that…

Read More

Oooooo, Necomimi!

16 March 2013 |

SO, yeah. I have wanted these Necomimi brainwave-influenced ears (I know. Shut UP!)  for a long while now but boy were they expensive for a fun toy. Then the Evil Wicked folks from The Violet Wand Store are here at Beat Me in Saint Louis, and they were HALF as much as they were last time I…

Read More

Six Years Walking Sober.

14 March 2013 |

Today, it has been six years and a day since I took my last drink. If you’re on FetLife, you can join today’s event if you’d like, and share in the virtual party :-D   It is an amazing walk thus far…bumps and bruises and loss and so many beautiful lessons I have learned. Most wonderfully, I…

Read More

What You See Is NOT What You Get: or Why You Really Don’t See Me.

08 March 2013 |

I love presenting on kink, teaching classes, and leading discussions. But not every day is me striding in there all “YEAH LET’S DO THIS!!” Some days, it is tough. And I feel shaky and not confident. One of the “tricks” I use when I am feeling insanely shy, my self-esteem is circling the drain or…

Read More

Use me.

06 March 2013 | Comments Off on Use me.

One of the most precious gifts I have received from the BDSM, Kink and Leather Confederations is, in fact, a double-edged sword. And that is freedom to be who I am. The thing is? It kind of helps if you know who the fuck you are before you go exercising that freedom. It also helps…

Read More

I Am Featured in the New York Times.

05 March 2013 |

My short, IMPACT, was selected to be a part of the opening night gala for the 10th Annual CineKink Festival! It was AWESOME to see it on the big screen again, and so fabulous to have Karen Taylor and Laura Antoniou and Lolita Wolf and Kelly Shibari all packed into the booth laughing and loving…

Read More

National Public Radio, Snap Judgement & Me!

05 March 2013 | Comments Off on National Public Radio, Snap Judgement & Me!

I grew up listening to NPR as a kid. I have always been a fan and a contributor, even if it is just a few dollars during lean times. I have immense respect for radio by and for the people, sans massive corporate oversight. When Glynn Washington’s show Snap Judgement first hit, I wistfully wished I could,…

Read More

L@@k who is smiling in the New York Times!

27 February 2013 | Comments Off on L@@k who is smiling in the New York Times!

  Check out the whole article here!

Read More

Service. Every Day.

21 February 2013 |

My memory is, on a good day, unreliable. On a bad day, it is achingly evocative, stunningly accurate, and capable of processing, it seems, every moment in my life in one breathtaking, eviscerating Technicolor swoop at the most inopportune moments. And the trains-of-thought it pulls…well. Seemingly random and yet cripplingly logical, I can go from…

Read More

VD 2013…same old song.

14 February 2013 |

VD. Blah blah, buckets of haterade. I AM bitter and single on VD. Again. I have spent more of them single than not. And the ones where I WAS partnered, the pressure made ’em miserable. My friend, the awesome Laura Antoniou, has a rather compelling essay on why she’s not a fan… check it out here. I was…

Read More

On Racism, entertainment, and race-play.

09 February 2013 |

Part one: Part Two Many people continue to defend the racism of a white male drag-queen donning blackface as “humor” and insist that we ignore it if we don’t like it. Many people feel free to tell me how to react to racism, even as I stand and see people I considered friends and allies…

Read More

Speaking out against racism in Leather.

06 February 2013 |

If you’re just catching up on the issue of the Portland Eagle Blackface Problem, please read my original post here. (Thanks to  Sprinkles McGillicuddy for making a captioned version available!) Some people have stepped up to the place and stepped up as allies. Being an ally means fighting alongside. It is about taking a stand, in front…

Read More

NEWSFLASH!! Blackface: still racist, y’all.

01 February 2013 |

This is in response to the horrifying choice of the Portland Eagle to book Chuck Knipp, a racist who tucks his bigotry and sexism into the alter-ego “Shirley Q. Liquor,” who is a slanderous caricature of Black women. Here is a clip of this racist BS. The Eagle posted the announcement on Facebook. There were…

Read More

Gimmie a call tonight!

24 January 2013 | Comments Off on Gimmie a call tonight!

The BlogTalk Radio gods were unkind last week, and Rebekah and I  managed to only get in about 20 minutes of chat altogether! SO! I’m back on tonight, with Rebekah Beneteau! Show starts at 8:30 EST! You can call in Call in to speak with us at (347) 838-8931

Read More

Here comes the Summit!

23 January 2013 |

 I am so fucking stoked, you guys!  I have  for years wanted to  make a space for teaching, learning, peer-sharing and togetherness for submissive and slave types, and it is starting to happen! Thanks to Rebekah Beneteau of Wise Wild Feminine, we have a date for the Northeast! Submissive & Slave Identified or curious? You might wish to hold…

Read More

On “Arrogance.”

23 January 2013 |

It seems that being assertive about your self-worth = arrogance to some. Lashing back at me in that way just proves my point: you don’t think I’m worth it. Newsflash: I do. And I am. In my work, in my relationships, in my life. I’ve had the following lobbed at me: Diva*. Arrogant. Presumptuous. Pushy.…

Read More