Despite having no lack of photos of myself in compromising positions, every time I do a fetish shoot, or one where I’m gonna have my big old butt in the wind, I become a bit apprehensive. Yeah yeah fat is flabulous etc. But like anyone, I can be a little self-conscious when it comes to letting it all hang out.
I have been rather fortunate in that I have had people in my life who have loved me and my body in all of its incarnations and shifts. It used to be I was fine with someone who had the attitude that they “didn’t mind what my body was like, they loved the person I am.”
Which is nice.
You know what’s better?
Someone for whom my body, AS IT IS, is the hottest, sexiest shape they could possibly imagine.
The Pizza Guy was one of those people, and I am pleased to say he rather spoiled me in that regard. You can hear about him and his bellylovin’ ways here.
The Un-Boyfriend and The Hungarian were also aficionados of the gals with more cushion for the pushin’, and The Dominant Guy has zero complaints about my thick thighs.
I highly recommend finding someone who loves your body and treats it with lustful reverence. It rocks.
I also highly recommend finding someone to take a picture of you looking smoking hot being fat. I’ve got a few here and there on this blog. It helps to have friends and cohorts who are magnificent photographers! Even if you don’t have pro photog buddies, you can find someone to help you out with that because, I’ll tell ya, nothing has helped me to see my own body as s delicious playground that having it mirrored back to me through the lens of someone with gusto and appreciation.
I know, I ‘m stalling. Photo beyond the cut and there are some titties in, so minimize that shit if you’re at work :-p
These are taken by Don Sir, a really quite brilliant rigger AND photographer and who can complain about that?
The first one is a pretty goddamned awesome suspension…one of the best I’ve experienced in a very long time. It was dynamically uncomfortable and sweetly agonizing in a way that sent me to RopeSt00pid within about 10 minutes, and that rocks. The rig was filmed by my buddy Kelly Shibari for her Padded Kink site, and I’ll soon have it up here, too, prolly as a way for me to do some travel-fund-raising. IMsLing is bloody expensive, yo!
And no, those about to hit me up for being in takate-kote in this shot after I talked shit about it? I’m not. Hands are just crossed at my talbone, so suck it.
This second photo is probably all you, the viewing public, will ever see from the photos that The Dominant Guy commissioned. See, a little ways back, he told me he wanted some photos of me…in a bikini. A really skimpy one.
I know if you are submissive you’ve done something for your d-type person that you loathed, despised and would NEVER EVER DO ON YOUR OWN were you left to your own devices.
Let’s add Fat Girl Shopping on the Hollywood Strip for a String Bikini for a Photo Shoot to the list of My Most Humiliating Scenes and call it a night, shall we? In fact the only scene MORE humiliating than that involved a boot with a dildo strapped on to the instep, a leather harness, an o-gag, a tip jar, a sign, some wasabi and more drool than I will ever, ever again find acceptable.
But I digress.
The Dominant Guy was really lovely about the whole thing. Even as I sent him dressing-room phone camera shots of the top that barely covered my areola (they’re huge, as you can see) and as I drove in that rented LA jeep, crying from embarrassment, he called me to tell me how proud and honored he was that I went the extra mile in making sure I did what he wanted.
Then of course he told me to stop crying, fucking get over myself and send him those goddamned pictures.
The humiliation was only re-ignited when I, fidgeting like I had fireants in my motherfucking pants, had to ask Don if he’d mind taking some photos for TDG that would be solely for his consumption. To say this was discomfiting would be an understatement.
The look in his eye was unmistakable, and it dawned on me: “Oh. The. Motherfucker…you forgot the bastard’s a sadist, didncha.”
He grinned sharklily “You hate this, don’t you. This is gonna be awesome. I am happy to take these photos for him.”
Blushing, I put on the bikini as quickly as I could. Strangely? I was far more comfortable standing there naked that I was with the wee bikini on.
I had two bottoms: one with side-string ties and one pair of bootyshorts. I preferred the latter. We did shots with both, and after all of my crying in between shops onthe strip and wriggling nervously? I really like them.
Well, some of them. I’m working on loving them all.
Mega thanks to Kelly for capturing the rig on video, to DonSir for a wonderful eye and fabulous sense of humor, and to TDG for helping me to remember to be proud to be me.